iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 TL;DR - Girl wanted my number after a good night of partying. Next day she didn't seem (or I might just be overreacting) to show much interest but at the same time did??? Haven't heard from here all day. I'm cool if this doesn't go anywhere. But I'm waiting to see if she interested enough to text me first... ( I hate texting) So two days ago I was at a friends party. I originally was going there to hang out and have a good time then leave. A girl ended up approaching me and we sort of hit it off. We did the usual dancing, talking, and kissing stuff. We had a few drinks, so how much of her attraction for me was due to the alcohol I do not know, but lets just assume it was genuine. It was 3:30 AM and things were winding down. She wanted me to go back with her to her place 1hr away but I had something to do that morning so unfortunately I couldn't. We ended up crashing there and when leaving we exchanged numbers, kissed, and she told me to text her. So throughout the day we texted, but not as much as I expected. There were long periods in which we replied to each other. (btw i hate texting) I flirted and hinted a few times about hanging out. Although she sounded happy with her replies, I wasn't getting the " I'm really interested" vibe. I felt as if she wasn't interested? So last night around 11:30 we talked about watching a movie together. I told her I had a lot of free time this week and that we should kick it. she replied "lol okay *blush face emoticon*" I left it at that and didn't reply mainly cause I don't know wtf to say to that. So up until now I haven't heard from her. It's not going to kill me if this goes nowhere but I'm interested, but at this point I'll see if she's going to text me just to see if she's still interested. Thoughts? Sorry for length....
2much4 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Take a deep breath and....chill. It's been two days! Text her tomorrow or in a few days. Don't smother her. She already approached you and asked for your number. Don't worry about it. 2
Author iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Take a deep breath and....chill. It's been two days! Text her tomorrow or in a few days. Don't smother her. She already approached you and asked for your number. Don't worry about it. Oh no no I'm not smothering her. I haven't even texted at all. I'm just hoping she takes to initiative to text to at least give me the hint that she's still interest. But at the same time I can't help but to think she might be thinking the same thing and wants me to text first today? Ugh... this is why i hate the texting aspect...
Author iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I dunno. I guess my best bet is just to leave it alone until I hear from her. If not... whatever. Sorry I'm sounding anxious. I've been single for roughly 2 years now and I've forgotten the rush you get when talking to a girl.
carhill Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 It was interesting while it lasted. Once you learn to flit from flower to flower more, the tl;dr stuff will go away because, well, you won't be investing in and pondering future results. Kiss a lot of girls. One might be interested for awhile. 1
Author iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 It was interesting while it lasted. Once you learn to flit from flower to flower more, the tl;dr stuff will go away because, well, you won't be investing in and pondering future results. Kiss a lot of girls. One might be interested for awhile. So pretty much don't place all my eggs in one basket? Experiment with multiple girls to shake this anxiety of of this ONE girl? BTW, how have you been carhill? It's been a while
thebig-guy Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 To me it sounds like her intentions were just a bit of fun. Nothing else. From what you've said it also sounds like you are more interested in something real than just a bit of fun. I feel you that you really connected with her when you crashed together. If you're getting a slightly negative vibe while texting then that to me says she clearly isnt that interested. I understand you will be feeling confused as she isnt showing the same affection through texting as she did in person. Maybe she saw you as a one night stand, but didnt realise you were actually genuine and now is regretting it. In my eyes as much as you'd love to pursue this further with her I'd take into consideration that she was up for a one night stand. That speaks alot about someone. I guess it all depends what you're looking for though. 2 years single probably means you want the real thing, not a fling. 1
Author iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 To me it sounds like her intentions were just a bit of fun. Nothing else. From what you've said it also sounds like you are more interested in something real than just a bit of fun. I feel you that you really connected with her when you crashed together. If you're getting a slightly negative vibe while texting then that to me says she clearly isnt that interested. I understand you will be feeling confused as she isnt showing the same affection through texting as she did in person. Maybe she saw you as a one night stand, but didnt realise you were actually genuine and now is regretting it. In my eyes as much as you'd love to pursue this further with her I'd take into consideration that she was up for a one night stand. That speaks alot about someone. I guess it all depends what you're looking for though. 2 years single probably means you want the real thing, not a fling. This really stood out to me. I never thought about it from that angle. But what gets me is why did she wanted my number and want me to text her? Whatever her reasoning is I think you might have hit the nail on the head with your post.
Phenx Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Sounds like you guys have been texting a lot. It's usually better to set up a date at this point and not worry soo much about texting and stuff. Sounds like that is what you are doing so I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds like she is interested from what you wrote. I wouldn't try and think about it too much though she will if she wants to and its really not good to try and force things if she is all of a sudden showing lack of interest.
Author iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Sounds like you guys have been texting a lot. It's usually better to set up a date at this point and not worry soo much about texting and stuff. Sounds like that is what you are doing so I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds like she is interested from what you wrote. I wouldn't try and think about it too much though she will if she wants to and its really not good to try and force things if she is all of a sudden showing lack of interest. So just leave it and see if she texts me at all? Here's our last texts from last night: Me: Hey I have a lot of free time this we so we should kick it. Her: Lol okay I left it at that and didn't reply... haven't heard from her today. I want her to reinitiate it if she's really interested. If not I'll just go about my way.
Robratory Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 So just leave it and see if she texts me at all? Here's our last texts from last night: Me: Hey I have a lot of free time this we so we should kick it. Her: Lol okay I left it at that and didn't reply... haven't heard from her today. I want her to reinitiate it if she's really interested. If not I'll just go about my way. Nah, don't do that... you'll never get a girl that way. Look at the situation from her perspective. She meets this guy at a party and flirts and kisses with him. Then he says, "We should kick it," and she says, "Ok." And then the guy just goes silent. She'll be going WTF? If you want to kick it, extend her an actual invitation! This is not even about dating. Some people get the reputation for being the kind of person who's always saying, "We absolutely must get together!" but never comes through with an actual invitation. Nobody likes that. Try not to overthink these things. I don't know if that's the case with you, but we guys many times are actually embarrassed about our desires. We meet a woman, express attraction, and when they turn out not to be interested, we feel like we did something wrong and inappropriate. But we didn't. Our job is to propose, and their job is to dispose. That's just how it is. So if you like a girl and the situation is appropriate (e.g. she's available and she's your peer), extend her a specific invitation, and do it as soon as possible. By the way, the little face she sent you actually has little hearts around it. What else does she have to do? 1
Author iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Nah, don't do that... you'll never get a girl that way. Look at the situation from her perspective. She meets this guy at a party and flirts and kisses with him. Then he says, "We should kick it," and she says, "Ok." And then the guy just goes silent. She'll be going WTF? If you want to kick it, extend her an actual invitation! This is not even about dating. Some people get the reputation for being the kind of person who's always saying, "We absolutely must get together!" but never comes through with an actual invitation. Nobody likes that. Try not to overthink these things. I don't know if that's the case with you, but we guys many times are actually embarrassed about our desires. We meet a woman, express attraction, and when they turn out not to be interested, we feel like we did something wrong and inappropriate. But we didn't. Our job is to propose, and their job is to dispose. That's just how it is. So if you like a girl and the situation is appropriate (e.g. she's available and she's your peer), extend her a specific invitation, and do it as soon as possible. By the way, the little face she sent you actually has little hearts around it. What else does she have to do? It wasn't actual hearts but it was a blushing face emoticon lol. I can see where you are coming from with my mistake in not reaching out to her further after her last text to me. I guess I just came up blank because I was wanting a more drawn out response. I get greedy at times...
doeblin Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 You are being silly. She is into you. She approached you. Don't wait around. You hate texting? Good. Now basically you only need to text her the specific time/place/activity, instead of just a vague "wanna hang out?" Wait for her to confirm, then show up.
carhill Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Heh, did a re-read and the story goes she approached him at the party, then later, after some dancing, drinking and kissing, invited him back to her place an hour away, which he declined. Then she gets shy and reticent in texts when he suggests they take in a movie. OK. Heh, he shouldn't have declined, or, rather, expected that declining might have consequences.....
doeblin Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Yeah, I think she's into casual sex when she's drunk. She didn't want to be a booty call when she was sober. He still has a chance, he just needs to set up a date in a more neutral venue (like coffee) instead of "netflix and chill". 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I think you should text/call her and ask her to the movie with a time and suggestion of film. Unless you don't like her that much and don't want to risk getting rejected, which is cool BTW. If I read it correctly, you guys kicked it, made out, and you contacted her to hang out again, and she responded yes. It doesn't matter how she responded yes, she responded yes. She could just as easily have ignored your text for eternity.
Phenx Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 So just leave it and see if she texts me at all? Here's our last texts from last night: Me: Hey I have a lot of free time this we so we should kick it. Her: Lol okay I left it at that and didn't reply... haven't heard from her today. I want her to reinitiate it if she's really interested. If not I'll just go about my way. That's cool. Now set up a date with a specific time/place. Easy.
preraph Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 If there's anything more asinine than using silly emoticons on a person you just met who doesn't know you yet, I don't know what it is. For some reason you're mincing around and not being specific with her on a date. Being insecure. No reason to be insecure in this situation, though rejection is always a remote possibility. Ask her out for a specific date and time and NOT to "chill out" but to go to dinner and then you can maybe chill out afterwards. Just because a woman wouldn't have minded picking you up doesn't mean she wouldn't much rather you asked her on a real date and gave her a real chance and some real respect. 1
Author iDrumKing Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 If there's anything more asinine than using silly emoticons on a person you just met who doesn't know you yet, I don't know what it is. For some reason you're mincing around and not being specific with her on a date. Being insecure. No reason to be insecure in this situation, though rejection is always a remote possibility. Ask her out for a specific date and time and NOT to "chill out" but to go to dinner and then you can maybe chill out afterwards. Just because a woman wouldn't have minded picking you up doesn't mean she wouldn't much rather you asked her on a real date and gave her a real chance and some real respect. I totally agree with everything you said. Had to step back and view my actions before moving forward. I texted her and was light with the conversation but very direct about making plans. She was excited and it looks like we're going to be meeting up Thursday evening. 2
carhill Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Ha, ha, old fart thinking when he mentioned movie, I thought of a movie 'date', where people go out to the cinema, grab some popcorn and make out in the back of the theater I wasn't thinking home movie. Hope it works out! 1
dispatch3d Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 You need to set a definite time and place for a date to happen, which you didn't do. Going for girls that are interested is important but if she's making out with you, asking for your number, texting you a bunch, I mean how much do you need initially? 1
Mystique01 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 You need to set a definite time and place for a date to happen, which you didn't do. Going for girls that are interested is important but if she's making out with you, asking for your number, texting you a bunch, I mean how much do you need initially? Right! That's what I want to know! Are guys really this clueless when it comes to girls showing interest? If so, then that explains a LOT! Who knows all the great guysI've missed out on simply because they read me as being disinterested in them simply because I wasn't jumping their bones or writing long dissertations through text message! Look OP...this girl is interested. Idk HOW interested, but she's definitely interested. I don't make out with guys I'm NOT interested in.....no matter HOW drunk I am lol. Now, if she's up for something serious or something more casual I guess only time will tell through getting to know her better. Which, it seems like you already have a date set up, so congrats! Don't overthink things! Just have fun and relax!!!
Author iDrumKing Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 Turns out that we will be hanging out Friday evening as well, but there is something I need a second opinion on. While texting her to set things up she *jokingly* said "If you try anything I'm leaving lol" I asked her what exactly she meant. She said "My pants stay on and so do yours." Now I don't mean to sound like a pig when I say this but I was a bit bummed out. But I respect her request and I'm sure we'll have a good time nonetheless. What confuses me is where was this rule when she was ready to hook up the other night at the party? (Which I had to turn down for good reason) Is she punishing me for it?
doeblin Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Turns out that we will be hanging out Friday evening as well, but there is something I need a second opinion on. While texting her to set things up she *jokingly* said "If you try anything I'm leaving lol" I asked her what exactly she meant. She said "My pants stay on and so do yours." Now I don't mean to sound like a pig when I say this but I was a bit bummed out. But I respect her request and I'm sure we'll have a good time nonetheless. What confuses me is where was this rule when she was ready to hook up the other night at the party? (Which I had to turn down for good reason) Is she punishing me for it? I don't think it's punishing. Girls act differently when they think a guy is boyfriend-material. Maybe she didn't think you are that at the party. Also she might have been drunk there. Respect her. Be cool.
Author iDrumKing Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 I don't think it's punishing. Girls act differently when they think a guy is boyfriend-material. Maybe she didn't think you are that at the party. Also she might have been drunk there. Respect her. Be cool. I definitely will respect her. So you're saying this is he testing the waters with me potentially being a boyfriend? (hypothetical question)
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