Brando Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I tell you what....it really sucks when you legitimately miss the person! In most of my breakups I've grieved them through, but the grief wasn't really about the person. I knew it wasn't working and it wouldn't have worked out in the long run. So, really, in this case you are missing the idea of someone and the companionship you shared with a person instead of legitimately missing that person. But when you were with someone and there was no fighting and the connection/compatibility was great, but for some reason or another they just lost the feeling....that one stings a lot!! I know that in time I will meet someone and form a new connection, but in this case I don't just miss having someone. I actually miss her, as a person, a friend and so on. I can't think, oh well we were fighting a lot or we didn't really have a great connection... All I can do is face the fact she feels differently and move on. She is no longer the person I miss....i guess that person doesn't exist anymore.... NC 3 1/2 weeks. 2
Danielle4678 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I'm in exactly the same position as you and agree it completely sucks. It's hard to wrap your head around when you still have feelings for this person but they don't feel the same way. For me it's very tricky as I had also somewhat mentally checked out myself but for someone who you spent several years with to say they feel nothing is very hard to swallow. I've accepted that the person in my memories does not exist anymore and that has somewhat helped. It also helps to remember that while you've given this person many years of your life you had a perfectly good life before them and most certainly will after. I wish you all the luck in the world OP and hope that speaking with people who are going through the same thing helps you as much as it has me. 3
RySant Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I am curious... who is the one you've been missing? Your story identified a lot of Exes.
Author Brando Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I am curious... who is the one you've been missing? Your story identified a lot of Exes. The most recent one. She was by far the best in my eyes. Everything was perfect and we were very much on the same level.
mightycpa Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Awwww... you didn't know how bad she had it, did you? Been there. 1
Author Brando Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Awwww... you didn't know how bad she had it, did you? Been there. Now I do though. I look back and look at all the mistakes I made, but I try not to worry about it because at the time I did what I wanted and thought was right. She will/or has already probably found someone who will give her everything she wants and deserves. I'll just post on here until I am back to 100% and try to help some people out along the way. Just learn from mistakes and don't repeat them if she's worth it...pick myself up and carry on..
Wuku Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I feel the same. I miss my ex's mannerisms, idiosyncrasies, even all the bad stuff. I truly miss her, not just the companionship. It's why I'm having a hard time, I don't believe I will find a replacement for all those things. Yes, I'm sure I will eventually move on, and maybe even meet someone, but it won't be her and that feels very wrong. We just fit, and being older now, I know it was something special as compared to my younger years, or any other relationship. 1
Author Brando Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I feel the same. I miss my ex's mannerisms, idiosyncrasies, even all the bad stuff. I truly miss her, not just the companionship. It's why I'm having a hard time, I don't believe I will find a replacement for all those things. Yes, I'm sure I will eventually move on, and maybe even meet someone, but it won't be her and that feels very wrong. We just fit, and being older now, I know it was something special as compared to my younger years, or any other relationship. I know...it doesn't feel right. Right now I feel like if I meet someone and form a relationship it will be settling for less than what she was....maybe it's just the grieving process...but wow....I lost a catch!
Saf17 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I'm in this boat. My wife left me yesterday and I thought we were truly best friends as well as being very much in love. 3 fights in seven years. We had a lot in common and I miss her, not just companionship. I may meet someone new in the future, but we felt like jigsaw pieces - just 100% matched.
Author Brando Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I'm in this boat. My wife left me yesterday and I thought we were truly best friends as well as being very much in love. 3 fights in seven years. We had a lot in common and I miss her, not just companionship. I may meet someone new in the future, but we felt like jigsaw pieces - just 100% matched. I hear you 100%. It's not a good feeling. Especially since I've had multiple relationships. I have a lot to compare her too and I know she was by far the best.
Saf17 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I hear you 100%. It's not a good feeling. Especially since I've had multiple relationships. I have a lot to compare her too and I know she was by far the best. Firstly, I'm sorry you are feeling his and going through this. It totally sucks. However, I guess one way to think is you haven't met everyone so there may be an even better fit for you somewhere. Be willing to keep an open mind, and hopefully you'll find happiness again sometime 1
Author Brando Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Firstly, I'm sorry you are feeling his and going through this. It totally sucks. However, I guess one way to think is you haven't met everyone so there may be an even better fit for you somewhere. Be willing to keep an open mind, and hopefully you'll find happiness again sometime Definitely. I am not searching for anyone right now. My goal right now is to process the breakup as healthy as I can. Learn from my mistakes and be completely comfortable being single and alone. I am spending time with friends and meeting new people. Next girl I commit to will because she adds to my life, not because I need her. I wish the same for you... 1
DrMario Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Maybe I'm just too accepting but I miss my ex for who she was, faults and all, she wouldn't be who she was and the person I loved if she was only all good, I don't need her but I miss her a lot and it hurts that she's gone but she will always be a great gal to me and I hope she finds some sort of happiness going forward.
MzMelanie Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 These sound somewhat similar to my situation. I had posted another thread earlier today about my 10 year relationship ending. He told me I need to move on as he is dating someone else but I am clinging on to the hope that he will realize he wants to be with me. I was hesitant to fully commit due to an issue regarding having/not having kids and we were engaged but I wanted to be sure we would on the same page and wanted to do some soul searching. Well I was doing my soul searching...he met someone else. And I now realize I want to be with him and cannot live without him. Do you think he will ever give me another chance? I can't see how he could move on so quickly after 10 years!
Danielle4678 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 These sound somewhat similar to my situation. I had posted another thread earlier today about my 10 year relationship ending. He told me I need to move on as he is dating someone else but I am clinging on to the hope that he will realize he wants to be with me. I was hesitant to fully commit due to an issue regarding having/not having kids and we were engaged but I wanted to be sure we would on the same page and wanted to do some soul searching. Well I was doing my soul searching...he met someone else. And I now realize I want to be with him and cannot live without him. Do you think he will ever give me another chance? I can't see how he could move on so quickly after 10 years! My ex of 7 years is also seeing someone only two months after our break up. I too am struggling with the how's and why's he's able to do this after being together for so long. He may come back but he also may not. Those first few weeks after the break up thinking it was temporary kept me sane. However now I realise how much extra pain this kind of thinking is causing me as time goes on. You need to think why would you want someone back who can move on so quickly after so many years? It's very hard at the beginning but I found that looking at the break up purely from a scientific view helped. I know what I'm feeling now is just a chemical reaction. It's a withdrawel symptom and I'm craving the familiar. I know this won't be helpful for everyone but it has certainly helped me. 1
Author Brando Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 My ex of 7 years is also seeing someone only two months after our break up. I too am struggling with the how's and why's he's able to do this after being together for so long. He may come back but he also may not. Those first few weeks after the break up thinking it was temporary kept me sane. However now I realise how much extra pain this kind of thinking is causing me as time goes on. You need to think why would you want someone back who can move on so quickly after so many years? It's very hard at the beginning but I found that looking at the break up purely from a scientific view helped. I know what I'm feeling now is just a chemical reaction. It's a withdrawel symptom and I'm craving the familiar. I know this won't be helpful for everyone but it has certainly helped me. That's great advice. Looking at the science of a breakup helped me a lot to understand why I was feeling like I was/am. I wish you the best!!
Emaize3 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Same boat. Totally happy, never fought and I wad blindsided! Really sucks to deal with when it was all good. Don't get it, honestly.
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