Hopeful30 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Lately, plenty of men have been striking up conversations with me. I don't assume anything from this, because I, too, start conversations with strangers. I'm a very social person this way. However after a couple minutes of talking, some will extend their hand with a smile and introduce himself. "I'm so-and-so. What's your name?" We exchange names and continue talking. A few times when this has happened, I later learned that these men are married or have girlfriends. Now, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I assume that if a guy talks with you for several minutes, pays attention to you, asks quesitons about you and introduces himself with a formal handshake, he is interested. Am I wrong? Thanks!
GunslingerRoland Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 What is the context? If you are at a party, or a conference or something, it could be totally innocent. If you are waiting for the bus, or getting into an elevator I'd assume they are hitting on you. It sounds like it's happening a lot more lately... what has changed? 1
Toodaloo Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Erm no. They are just talking to you. Its called being sociable. They may think your cute but if they want to go out with you they tend to say something along those lines. Your making omelettes before checking there are eggs in the fridge. 5
Redhead14 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Lately, plenty of men have been striking up conversations with me. I don't assume anything from this, because I, too, start conversations with strangers. I'm a very social person this way. However after a couple minutes of talking, some will extend their hand with a smile and introduce himself. "I'm so-and-so. What's your name?" We exchange names and continue talking. A few times when this has happened, I later learned that these men are married or have girlfriends. Now, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I assume that if a guy talks with you for several minutes, pays attention to you, asks quesitons about you and introduces himself with a formal handshake, he is interested. Am I wrong? Thanks! I wouldn't assume they are hitting on me unless they asked for my number or a date . . . and even if they are, it doesn't matter unless they ask for my number or a date . . . 1
truth_seeker Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I went on a date the other night and had a nice time. Great conversation, enjoyed her company. Here I am a couple of days later and have no interest in seeing her again. It happens.
Erik30 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 What is the context? If you are at a party, or a conference or something, it could be totally innocent. If you are waiting for the bus, or getting into an elevator I'd assume they are hitting on you. It sounds like it's happening a lot more lately... what has changed? This. If it's at a party or some event, they're probably just socializing and being friendly. They could also of course be hitting on you, but it's less likely since you mentioned they're taken. (Or they're cheaters) If he's just some random stranger on the street, and there's not really a reason to be talking to you, he's hitting on you. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 What is the context? If you are at a party, or a conference or something, it could be totally innocent. If you are waiting for the bus, or getting into an elevator I'd assume they are hitting on you. It sounds like it's happening a lot more lately... what has changed? Usually while waiting in line for something, or looking for the same product at a hardware store. No parties or social events. And good question! I have no idea what changed. I've been the same since I moved here.
Miss Peach Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 My experience with men and talking with my male friends is that men prefer to talk to women they find attractive. It won't necessarily mean they want to go out, etc. If he is in the market and likes the conversation he may ask that woman out. I've found often in those conversation the man is either trying to impress the woman or is trying to access whether she would be fun or GF material. The big difference is I notice women are usually more innocent in starting conversations than men. Men usually have a motive even if it's just see if a beautiful woman will talk to them. Since women don't often have this motive many men mistake it as interest when it might not be. 6
MightyPen Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 The big difference is I notice women are usually more innocent in starting conversations than men. Men usually have a motive even if it's just see if a beautiful woman will talk to them. Since women don't often have this motive many men mistake it as interest when it might not be. This is correct. I speak for all men. They are at least lightly flirting or doing a "testing the waters" sort of thing. By the way, Peach, heeeeey what's up? (this is an example) 4
smudge21 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Not sure all men only chat to girls they find attractive. Personally, if I find a girl attractive I know that I start to over analyze everything I say before I say it, which in turn makes the conversation a little awkward. It's like I am attracted therefore aiming my conversations towards something more, so as Hopeful says, they could be all after something more than a name. Also, if I'm not attracted to a girl, my conversation flows like a river and often I can come across as if I'm more interested than I really I am... ... I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone's different, reacts differently, talks to people differently, so you can't judge everyone the same. Some of them may have wanted more, some just a friendly chat, some may have been trying to talk to the person behind you. Just enjoy the attention but if you're not interested or they have partners, then it's very easy to drop that into any conversation.
Speika Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 If you're just meeting these people while in line or out buying things how do you later find out that they're seeing someone? In general no that isn't a full gone conclusion that they're chatting you up. Like others have said it depends on the situation and context.
scrapbooker Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Yes, you are incorrectly assuming. Someone introducing themselves and shaking your hand has no actual dating connotations.
Miss Peach Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Not sure all men only chat to girls they find attractive. Personally, if I find a girl attractive I know that I start to over analyze everything I say before I say it, which in turn makes the conversation a little awkward. It's like I am attracted therefore aiming my conversations towards something more, so as Hopeful says, they could be all after something more than a name. Also, if I'm not attracted to a girl, my conversation flows like a river and often I can come across as if I'm more interested than I really I am... ... I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone's different, reacts differently, talks to people differently, so you can't judge everyone the same. Some of them may have wanted more, some just a friendly chat, some may have been trying to talk to the person behind you. Just enjoy the attention but if you're not interested or they have partners, then it's very easy to drop that into any conversation. I'm not trying to say you're wrong. But when talking to men (this has come up with many guys I know) they always mention things like they don't want to attend an event unless there are attractive women there they might want to talk to. Men tend to go where the women are IME. Even just last week I was at a meetup event and one of the guys I talk to there told me one of the main reasons he attended that event was because it looked like the event was going to draw a large number of women and he was hoping to meet some new ladies. I've also noticed men tend to make up reasons for talking to women. Women just assume everyone is just being friendly. 2
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 Yes, you are incorrectly assuming. Someone introducing themselves and shaking your hand has no actual dating connotations. Then why do it? I was waiting to pick up my car (for the guys to drive it 'round front basically) and a man starts a convo with me. Very nice, friendly. Then he extended his hand and introduced himself, later mentioning he has a wife and young child. Then I get in my car and go off. What was the point of this? We aren't doing business together, we aren't in some sticky situation where communication would allow us to be stronger in numbers, and I'm reading the newspaper. Why introduce yourself and find out my name just for the sake of it? Like an above poster mentioned, men usually have a motive. What would be the motive behind this?
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) If you're just meeting these people while in line or out buying things how do you later find out that they're seeing someone? One of two scenarios: 1) I ask him out, he mentions he's unavailable. 2) It comes up in conversation (after he's introduced himself, never before which I find strange?). Edited February 3, 2016 by Hopeful30
carhill Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Watch for eye contact and rooster posture (watch how a rooster struts in the farmyard). You may catch him checking out your lips when you talk or your cleavage if in play. Perfectly normal that they have wives or girlfriends or both because, well, they aren't dead and enjoying the presence of women is part of who they are. Those realities (wives/girlfriends/families) speak to their social success and power and confidence. Expect them to be forward and flattering. Single men can be the same way. IMO, unless the introduction is specifically focused on an interest, meaning the guy who looks you in the eye and shakes your hand at the art gallery then goes into a rambling speech on the history and significance of the art work in front of you, but rather focuses on you personally, yeah, he's interested in your femaleness, personally. Generally, at least in my age group, either we approach women or we live alone and celibate. It's ingrained in us. 2
scrapbooker Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Then why do it? I was waiting to pick up my car (for the guys to drive it 'round front basically) and a man starts a convo with me. Very nice, friendly. Then he extended his hand and introduced himself, later mentioning he has a wife and young child. Then I get in my car and go off. What was the point of this? We aren't doing business together, we aren't in some sticky situation where communication would allow us to be stronger in numbers, and I'm reading the newspaper. Why introduce yourself and find out my name just for the sake of it? Like an above poster mentioned, men usually have a motive. What would be the motive behind this? Um....some people are friendly? You are overthinking. You don't even know these people. Either you are incredibly naive, incredibly arrogant, or just generally obsessive. It's a brief chat between strangers. Enjoy it and move on. And as far as men usually having a "motive," I think there is a very particular type of man who "always has a motive," and he tends to project that....."behavior" onto all other men.
Aniela Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Usually while waiting in line for something, or looking for the same product at a hardware store. No parties or social events. And good question! I have no idea what changed. I've been the same since I moved here. I was wondering the same thing a year ago, because it was happening as I browsed in a bookstore, or was looking at seeds in Home Depot or Lowes. I was so surprised, having been jolted out of what I was thinking about, that I just smiled in response. I've read complaints from men in the past, about women not giving strong signals, or even just speaking up. They can be just as bad. I remember one guy saying something to me as I was looking at magazines. I smiled in response, but he just stood there looking like he wondered what the hell to do next, and then walked away. I think he was interested, but the others might just have been chatty.
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 Um....some people are friendly? You are overthinking. You don't even know these people. Either you are incredibly naive, incredibly arrogant, or just generally obsessive. It's a brief chat between strangers. Enjoy it and move on. I'm trying to have a mature discussion here...
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 I was wondering the same thing a year ago, because it was happening as I browsed in a bookstore, or was looking at seeds in Home Depot or Lowes. I was so surprised, having been jolted out of what I was thinking about, that I just smiled in response. I've read complaints from men in the past, about women not giving strong signals, or even just speaking up. They can be just as bad. I remember one guy saying something to me as I was looking at magazines. I smiled in response, but he just stood there looking like he wondered what the hell to do next, and then walked away. I think he was interested, but the others might just have been chatty. I'm always responsive. I like connecting with random people 1
smackie9 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Guys just like having contact with a pretty girl even tho they are married, or have a GF. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 Guys just like having contact with a pretty girl even tho they are married, or have a GF. Would you say it's for their ego? Cuz I would never approach a guy I like if I couldn't at least try to have him lol I just don't see the point of interaction if I want more than what I can have. I may as well go for what I CAN have lol
Aniela Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I'm always responsive. I like connecting with random people I'm really shy, and they made me jump. 1
salparadise Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 ...a man starts a convo with me. Very nice, friendly. Then he extended his hand and introduced himself, later mentioning he has a wife and young child. Then I get in my car and go off. What was the point of this? Like an above poster mentioned, men usually have a motive. It's the curse of being the one of the most desired creatures on the planet. Condolences. *be thankful you don't have ivory tusks 2
Terry8889 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 The big difference is I notice women are usually more innocent in starting conversations than men. Men usually have a motive even if it's just see if a beautiful woman will talk to them. Since women don't often have this motive many men mistake it as interest when it might not be. This is so true, my ex told me that when we first met in college just because I sat next to him he thought I was into him and I liked him, which was totally not true, I just sat next to him because it was cold and it happened to be an empty chair next to him. Never even looked at him lol. Guys sometimes can read too much into women's actions. Just because I sat next to him he thought I was into him lol
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