vc87 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Me and my boyfriend for about 10.5 months now.. Over this time, him being short on money has been a habitual issue for him where he always runs into a problem on paying a bill/something is going to get turned off and/or he's going to be late and charged a fee.. etc Most of the time the bills and never more than a couple hundred dollars, and at first I didn't have a problem offering him the cash.. He always paid me back and I didn't think anything of it.. I told him a lot of times that he really needs to start considering looking for another job that pays better and/or start trying to save more money so this will not be an issue anymore.. He said he knows and would try. As the months have gone on, nothing has changed.. He recently he did borrow money from me again and I know he will pay me back, but I'm just to the point where I just kind of feel uncomfortable and I feel obligated to give it to him.. If I told him no, I'm sure it would be a big issue.. With all of the guys that even in the past, I never had to deal with someone who had these issues .. Part of me just feels like this is always going to be a continual problem.. I'm just so torn on what to do.. Any advice is appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 It sounds like you have the 'disease to please'. You have to learn to say no or you will end up resentful at yourself and him. What do you mean it would be a big issue? If you're only his girlfriend so that he can borrow money you don't need him anyway. If he is borrowing money he probably isn't taking you out dating you etc. Do you pay for everything? Next time he asks, the answer should be NO. Are you rich or something? Up to how much have you loaned him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vc87 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 I just feel like if he's always borrowing money, he's never going to be the type to get ahead.. If we ever moved in together one day, and he can't afford to pay his car insurance/phone bill etc.. he would always be short on bills and I will be stuck paying everything.. I would not consider myself a rich by any means, but I know I do make more than him and I actually have money saved.. The most I've loaned him was probably $400 tops.. And like I said he has always paid me back.. As far as going out goes, we don't do that very often.. When we go out to eat he does normally pay.. Every so often I do.. As far as like bigger concerts go, I've pretty much paid for all of them.. Said he would give me half of whatever I paid but that never happens Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 If he has the ability to repay his debts, then he has enough income, he doesn't need to switch jobs or anything like that. It's not that he's spending too much either... he just has a cash flow problem. He is spending at the wrong time of the month, or blowing his paycheck before paying his monthly bills, etc. If he had a bit more self control or discipline then he wouldn't need to borrow anything. We all have cash flow issues at one time or another but he seems to have it chronically. Personally I could not be with someone like that. Like I said we all have cash flow problems occasionally and in those times it's great to have someone who can help. But by bailing him out so often, he has come to rely on it and expect it. You are enabling his bad habit. Instead of lending him money, teach him how to do his finances properly. It's really not that difficult. Most companies let you change the date on which they take their bills. Help him arrange his direct debits and bills to come from his account a few days after he gets paid, before he has a chance to spend it on other stuff. That means all his essentials are purchased and he won't have a problem at the end of the month. Then, whatever's left is all he has until the next paycheck. If he runs out then it means he can't go out for dinner or go out drinking or buy a new video game, or whatever. He will have to wait until his next paycheck to do those things. It may be that he still has emergencies, as we all do occasionally. If his car blows up at the end of the month for example he may not have enough left to fix it, and may borrow some from you or someone else. But at least then you will know it's a genuine emergency rather than his own cash flow ineptitude! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Stop enabling him. In the end, you're not helping. In fact, you're becoming part of the problem. I know you mean well, but it's not doing any good. Where is all his money going? You need to be clear that you can't continue to lend him money. If it turns into a big issue, he's not with you for the right reasons. Don't let him treat you like his personal ATM, which he is at the moment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Part of me just feels like this is always going to be a continual problem.. Because it will be. If you don't want to live like that, cut the cord. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 He obviously doesn't know how to manage his money properly. Tell him to gather up all his bills, pay stubs and bank statements. Sit down and draw up a list of where his money is going. Once he sees it down on paper, he will finally get a picture of how much needs to be saved for bills, where to cut back on spending, and how much he can save just in case he needs a car repair or if he loses his job, etc. If you want to see a future together, this would be a good test for the both of you in how you can manage money together. If you don't do anything about it, it will just get worse with him using credit cards sinking himself even more into debt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefairy812 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 My ex boyfriend used to borrow money all the time and it got to the point I blew up on him about it. Turns out, he was a heroin addict and needed the money to buy drugs. I was very naive at the time and thought "poor guy, he's broke from bills".. yea right. Be careful!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zanwalk Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 My ex boyfriend used to borrow money all the time and it got to the point I blew up on him about it. Turns out, he was a heroin addict and needed the money to buy drugs. I was very naive at the time and thought "poor guy, he's broke from bills".. yea right. Be careful!!!! Yes, I was wondering long those lines too. Has he a gambling addiction possibly? You need to find out exactly what is happening to the money before you go any further with this guy. As others have said, you are not helping him by lending him money, you are encouraging his misuse of it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I'd stop lending him money. You can offer to help him budget but if he's not open to that, leave him & his finances alone. Stop supporting him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 It sounds like you are enabling him at this point. It's beginning to turn into a habit. I would offer to help him in other ways like learning how to budget. I agree this will probably turn into a fight but I think it's better to force the issue now than later when you are resentful. I don't require a man to make a lot of money but I do expect him to be an adult with the resources he has. This would be concerning to me too. Link to post Share on other sites
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