TunnelEyes Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Me and my ex of about a year split two months ago for mutual reasons, we loved each other but kept arguing and didnt want to hurt each other anymore. But I cant get him out of my head. Had a few little flings and I talk/flirt a lot with other guys but I can't stop thinking of him, yet again at the same time I enjoy the freedom and possibilities being single gives me, but I just want to meet him all over again. Help, I'm tearing myself apart.
Mr Man Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 You don't have to be apart. Why don't you work on the arguing problem rather than just giving up. If you have arguing problems with him you'll likely have them with someone else as well, unless it was 100% him but i doubt that with a mutual break up. 2
Author TunnelEyes Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 You don't have to be apart. Why don't you work on the arguing problem rather than just giving up. If you have arguing problems with him you'll likely have them with someone else as well, unless it was 100% him but i doubt that with a mutual break up. It was all just so intense with work stresses and communication failure, we lived together for 4 months which also was a bit much too soon. He started just being angry at me all the time for no reason which was an endless cycle because we'd just carry one conflict onto the next.
pseudoblepsia Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Maybe the fights were just a symptom of another problem. You say he got angry at you all the time. Usually when that happens, there's some sort of bigger frustration or dissatisfaction behind it. If it was really just the work stress, he should at the very least learn to not take it out on you. A communication failure can be tricky, I had a communication problem in my failed relationship and it feels like we would've needed a therapist to work it out, even tough we were mostly aware of the issue and what caused it.
DrMario Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Sounds like you are torn, you seem happy single but you miss this man as well, it's always a shame when arguments get in the way, but arguments can be worked through if that's the extent of your problems, if you go deeper I would try to figure out the source of why he was angry and I would try to work through it with him (maybe just don't live together straigh away) and see where it goes from there, if nothing else it might be worth reaching out to him just to talk through what your feeling, if that's not for you then I would carry on as you are and try to come to terms on your own.
Author TunnelEyes Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Sounds like you are torn, you seem happy single but you miss this man as well, it's always a shame when arguments get in the way, but arguments can be worked through if that's the extent of your problems, if you go deeper I would try to figure out the source of why he was angry and I would try to work through it with him (maybe just don't live together straigh away) and see where it goes from there, if nothing else it might be worth reaching out to him just to talk through what your feeling, if that's not for you then I would carry on as you are and try to come to terms on your own. Yeah, I try not to psychoanalyse him too much but I feel like a lot of out problems stem from the fact he's never been raised to express feelings correctly or resolve conflict properly, he had a bad upbringing and a lot of conflict with his mother and moved out at 16 with no guidance. He always had to be the man of the house but his mother looked to him for guidance so he tries to "teach" me as such, when I don't need it! Frustrating! Works with men, very little mixed sex company so not much experience talking to females with respect. First proper relationship. But I understand him so well and loved him nonetheless. My previous relationship was mentally abusive so I bailed out on this one before I got too hurt again.
DrMario Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 It sounds like he needs to resolve these issue's and figure himself out, it sounds like he's had it hard and probably feels like he has to be somebody people can depend on rather than feel like he may be able to depend on others, some men bottle it up for the greater good rather than alllow themselves to be vulnerable, it's understandable if your scared given your past relationship but you really need to look at this relationship with a different perspective as he is a different person than the man who hurt you by being mentally abusive, I don't know how to advise you as I can't tell you how it would work out if you got back together, nobody ever really knows how things will go, sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and take a risk.
Author TunnelEyes Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 So we've just arranged to go for a drink Friday and I have to say I have butterflies, what does that mean?
DrMario Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Congratulations, I would say your nervous because you haven't seen him in a long time and you are anticipating what may happen and how you may feel?, more than likely, at least that was always the case after I had met up with an ex after so long, my heart was in pants.
Author TunnelEyes Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 Congratulations, I would say your nervous because you haven't seen him in a long time and you are anticipating what may happen and how you may feel?, more than likely, at least that was always the case after I had met up with an ex after so long, my heart was in pants. It's not even so much nerves, I'm excited, I'm really excited. I miss him so much I can't explain. I feel stupid for it tbh cause there was so much pain in our relationship.
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