Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Hi Guys, so I met this guy at the New Year Party. He seems to remember more about what happened there than myself as I passed out (how embarrassing). I woke up and he was by my side. I got a bit scared and asked for explanation. He explained I passed out etc.. when I was calmer he asked for my number. He texted me on the next day (Friday) and invited me for dinner. I have suggested to do it on Sunday but he neither accepted or rejected. On Sunday he texted me asked what I was doing. I did not go out with him as I wasn’t happy he could not confirm on Friday after asking me out. He disappeared for 1 week and a half after that. Suddenly on a Friday night, he sent me a SMS asking me what I was doing. I was going to meet some friends and invited him to come along. He came along and we had an awesome fun time. I asked why he disappeared before and he said his ex girlfriend of 4-5 years who he was living with has gone to her parents house to give him time to move out since he has broken up with her. Then he started to text me and invite me out a lot, popped by my house two days after and we had another awesome time. He invited me out for dinner and we went out on the next Friday. He took me to a super expensive restaurant and blew up over 500 dollars on me that night. Another awesome time (no sex only kiss) He started texting everyday super sweet texts. He asked to see me again on Sunday. I was tired so I decided to invite him to chill with me. He came over with an expensive gift – AUD 500 fan for my room – who does that?? Ok I accepted. We had another awesome time still no sex. He questioned why I would not have sex but did not pressure me to do so. I heard a door knock and it was my neighbour who I was dating before. He asked who the guy was and I told him it was the guy I was dating before him. He changed his behaviour from romantic to uncomfortable and told me I could do whatever I wanted and should not stop anything because of him. I acknowledged what he said and he left my home. It felt awkward. I thought he would not text me after this but he did when he got home. Sent me a super sweet text, which I replied on the following day. Then he called me and asked me what I was doing, I said I would meet a friend and he said he would meet his brother but would like to see me after. I accepted. He texted me later on around 10pm saying he was still with his brother and would like to see me afterwards and asked me where I was. I got home around 11pm and told him I was home and already going to sleep so he should enjoy with his brother. He replied with a sweet text 'Nite cutie, speak soon... xx' And I never heard back from him (I have not initiated contact either). It is being a week now. Is he ghosting me? Am I ghosting him? What should I do????? (I am totally wanting to move things along with this guy. Would be possible that the neighbour knocking on my door has something to do with his disappearance? Or his ex girlfriend is still in the picture?? Was he being a total awesome guy for nothing???) Soo confused, please help me
Toodaloo Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 You should have just said its your neighbour instead of bringing up the past. Now this guy thinks you are multiple dating and isn't happy... Time to step up the effort if you want to keep him...
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 What am I supposed to do? He's got an ex of 4 or 5 years who is temporarily away and who knows what is really happened He may be ghosting me because of her and not my neighbour If my neighbour had really upset him he could have talked about it as opposed to vanish. Should I really do something about it? If so . What should I do??
salparadise Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Is he ghosting me? Yes. Are you ghosting him? Yes. Might the neighbour knocking have something to do with his disappearance? Yes. Is his girlfriend still in the picture? Yes. Was he being totally awesome for nothing? Apparently. What should I do?... Quit letting him believe you can be bought. Quit agreeing to meet spontaneously after hours. Go on inexpensive dates, planned in advance. Don't bring him to your house until you're ready to get naked. Don't get naked until you've at least established trust and reliable communication. Don't date guys who live with girlfriends or ex-girlfriends. Don't screw your neighbor. Don't allow the neighbor to presume he has standing to intervene in your affairs. Don't answer the door if its's an ex trying to confront you about whomever you happen to be entertaining at the moment. Don't conduct your personal life via text msgs. Don't be naive. It you provide more details, I'm sure we could give you more don'ts in response. 4
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Thanks. I do like when he does expensive things for me though. I feel like he is investing and it makes me happy. My house is very social, I have a large balcony where my friends hang out have drinks and enjoy the view. It is not like the only thing to do here is to get naked. So I really don't mind inviting him and he did not mind not having sex while he was here either. However with my neighbour I totally agree I should not have told him about dating the guy in past. Now looking back I thing I did to create a bit of tension and lead him to jump off the fence (ask for exclusivity etc) Looks like it totally backfire as he disappeared two days afterwards Now I am left wondering if I should initiate contact or if I should leave it like that. I am not even sure of where things are at with his ex. Not even sure if they really broken up or were just giving each other a bit of space since he has not moved out yet (at least until last week) Really don't know his reasons, only know he was being so charming and pleasant and I would love to keep hanging out with him..
zanwalk Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Be careful! I think you should message him once to see what he is up to, but be prepared not to get an answer, or an answer that don't want. And when I say be careful, I mean don't invest too much emotionally in this guy until you are sure of him, and have found out for certain that his ex is definitely and finally out of the picture.
smudge21 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 His ex being so close is a bit of a red flag there, you should be cautious of that, but do you know the reason behind the break up. From his attitude it seems mutual. The fact that an ex came round would be off putting to anyone, but he's not really in a position to use that against considering where he is now. People are weird and messed up most of the time, and worse when we start dating and start having feelings. If you keep looking back and worrying about things you may or may not have done then you'll never move forward. I can't count the amount of times I look back and think I screwed up, but at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. So in this case, if you feel you want to call/text him, then do it. You two have got close and he's clearly showed he's interested, so maybe he's waiting for you to return the favour. I don't mean buy him a TV or something, but at least do a bit of chasing, take the initiative. Yes, if he doesn't respond then back off and see what happens, but at least you'll have tried. As for what is really going on, well that's something you'll have to ask him if it bothers you so much that he does go quiet. Second guessing everything will just drive you insane and lead to more questions and worrying.
Toodaloo Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Personally I think you should phone him. Good old fashioned get on the phone. He has invested a lot in you and I think its time for you to start investing back if you think he is worth it. Tickets to see his favourite football team or a film/ show he particularly likes... then phone, tell him you have the tickets and want him to go with you. Simples. From now on your neighbour is your neighbour... not your ex
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) Miamb --- I would like to hear more about what happened at this NYE party. You say you passed out, and woke up *scared*? Why were you scared? And you didn't remember anything? And this guy was next to you? Did you have a lot to drink that night...were you drunk? Or did you *not* drink that much ...but passed out anyway? And now this guy is suddenly overwhelming you with expensive gifts? Something isn't jiving quite right ....can you elaborate a bit more on exactly what happened? From what *you* can remember? NOT what this guy told you happened. Edited February 1, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Redhead14 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Miamb --- I would like to hear more about what happened at this NYE party. You say you passed out, and woke up *scared*? Why were you scared? And didn't remember anything? And this guy was next to you? Did you have a lot to drink that night...were you drunk? Or did you *not* drink that much ...but passed out anyway? And now this guy is suddenly overwhelming you with expensive gifts? Something isn't jiving quite right ....can you elaborate a bit more on exactly what happened? From what *you* can remember? NOT what this guy told you happened. It does appear to be fishy. Rohypnol? What state of dress was she in prior to falling asleep and when she woke up? The guy dropping out for a week at a time and then popping back up isn't the sign of a guy who is invested at least on an emotional level is usually keeping a woman on a string so to speak until other options have dried up. In other words, when the others he's seeing stop having sex with him/move on, he keeps one in the wings to start working on. In addition, each time he did pop up, he wanted to know what she was doing then. He wasn't scheduling proper dates with her. Frequent Last minute inquiries in the very beginning of a dating scenario, isn't a good thing either. I'd simply cut this guy off. He's playing games.
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) Possibly rohypnol.... that's why I asked her if she recalls drinking a lot that night, enough to warrant passing out to the point she remembered *nothing* when she woke up! And waking up *scared*? As in confused? Because she does not recall drinking all that much but passed out anyway? And of course this guy is next to her, to make sure HE fills her in on all the missing links... and now bombarding her with expensive gifts? To alleviate guilt perhaps? Or to gaslight her so she doesn't start suspecting anything untoward (or worse) happened that night?? Seems really fishy! But I will wait until OP clarifies before commenting further. Edited February 1, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 His ex being so close is a bit of a red flag there, you should be cautious of that, but do you know the reason behind the break up. From his attitude it seems mutual. The fact that an ex came round would be off putting to anyone, but he's not really in a position to use that against considering where he is now. People are weird and messed up most of the time, and worse when we start dating and start having feelings. If you keep looking back and worrying about things you may or may not have done then you'll never move forward. I can't count the amount of times I look back and think I screwed up, but at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. So in this case, if you feel you want to call/text him, then do it. You two have got close and he's clearly showed he's interested, so maybe he's waiting for you to return the favour. I don't mean buy him a TV or something, but at least do a bit of chasing, take the initiative. Yes, if he doesn't respond then back off and see what happens, but at least you'll have tried. As for what is really going on, well that's something you'll have to ask him if it bothers you so much that he does go quiet. Second guessing everything will just drive you insane and lead to more questions and worrying. About his break up, he told me he has broken up with her because she does not get a job, depends on him for everything and can't budget - spend too much of the money he earns. Also because she stopped going to the gym, was no longer looking after herself and has put a lot of weight. He sad she had a miscarriage and fallen depressed. He got her a puppy - to cheer her up but did not seem to help. A bit heavy don't you think. I saw a pic of her and she is quite pretty. So I believe my neighbour knocking here may have played a part but more a part in terms of forcing him to jump off the fence (as my intentions) but maybe the guy just cant ask for exclusivity because he is still involved with this messy ex girlfriend. Really don't know
rockstar135 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I don't understand posts like this. If you want to hear from him and know what's going on, contact him. It's pretty simple.
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Miamb --- I would like to hear more about what happened at this NYE party. You say you passed out, and woke up *scared*? Why were you scared? And you didn't remember anything? And this guy was next to you? Did you have a lot to drink that night...were you drunk? Or did you *not* drink that much ...but passed out anyway? And now this guy is suddenly overwhelming you with expensive gifts? Something isn't jiving quite right ....can you elaborate a bit more on exactly what happened? From what *you* can remember? NOT what this guy told you happened. Hi Katie, I had an accident in Thailand and returned in a rush to Australia - was 24 hours sleepless when I went to this party. I was week and after some drinks I just passed out. I can not remember anything. I remember going to the bathroom, than the next thing I remember is waking up in a bed with this guy in one side and my best girlfriend and another friend on the other side. I remember someone giving me water (he says it was him) I remember having no shorts on. My friend told me a took my shorts off in the bathroom. This is why I was so scared. I asked him if he had taken any sort of advantage of the situation and he sweared he didn't. He actually argued with my best friend she should have put my shorts back on earlier. I noticed a bit of tension between them two when I woke up. I am embarrassed of this. He had to tell me all those things afterward and this rang a bell.
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I don't understand posts like this. If you want to hear from him and know what's going on, contact him. It's pretty simple. I do not want to screw this up by chasing him if he is not contacting me that's all. Not sure if is best to wait or to initiate contact.
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 It does appear to be fishy. Rohypnol? What state of dress was she in prior to falling asleep and when she woke up? The guy dropping out for a week at a time and then popping back up isn't the sign of a guy who is invested at least on an emotional level is usually keeping a woman on a string so to speak until other options have dried up. In other words, when the others he's seeing stop having sex with him/move on, he keeps one in the wings to start working on. In addition, each time he did pop up, he wanted to know what she was doing then. He wasn't scheduling proper dates with her. Frequent Last minute inquiries in the very beginning of a dating scenario, isn't a good thing either. I'd simply cut this guy off. He's playing games. We had a date booked for one week after. He complained it was too long to late and called in the afternoon to seem me because he did not want to wait for the next day booked for the following week.
smudge21 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 About his break up, he told me he has broken up with her because she does not get a job, depends on him for everything and can't budget - spend too much of the money he earns. Also because she stopped going to the gym, was no longer looking after herself and has put a lot of weight. He sad she had a miscarriage and fallen depressed. He got her a puppy - to cheer her up but did not seem to help. A bit heavy don't you think. I saw a pic of her and she is quite pretty. So I believe my neighbour knocking here may have played a part but more a part in terms of forcing him to jump off the fence (as my intentions) but maybe the guy just cant ask for exclusivity because he is still involved with this messy ex girlfriend. Really don't know As others have said, call him. If he's made all the effort so far then he may be waiting to see if you return the favour. I know part of the reason I'm walking away from someone I care about is because they don't make any effort, but it should never just be one person doing all the work, and we all need to feel wanted. 1
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 It does appear to be fishy. Rohypnol? What state of dress was she in prior to falling asleep and when she woke up? The guy dropping out for a week at a time and then popping back up isn't the sign of a guy who is invested at least on an emotional level is usually keeping a woman on a string so to speak until other options have dried up. In other words, when the others he's seeing stop having sex with him/move on, he keeps one in the wings to start working on. In addition, each time he did pop up, he wanted to know what she was doing then. He wasn't scheduling proper dates with her. Frequent Last minute inquiries in the very beginning of a dating scenario, isn't a good thing either. I'd simply cut this guy off. He's playing games. I did not have my shorts on at some stage. But I did not know that, he told me. My best gf said he was lying then I called a third friend who confirmed I had my shorts off (taken off by me when going to the bathroom, where I passed out) About last minute dates: The guy was not only doing last minutes dates. He was asked when he could see me next and I pushed a date to the following week (1 week afterwards). He complained it was too long to late and called two days afterwards in the afternoon asking to see me because he did not want to wait until the next date booked for the following week.
Maggie4 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 He did not have to tell you about his ex, but he did. So I think it was fine to tell him about that neighbor. Going forward, he told you he was with his brother (not another woman). You told him you were with a friend, what does that mean? Did you clarify that the "friend" was not that neighbor? Imo this guy has been straightforward. We can't assume people are lying, that's simply not healthy. Are you being less forthcoming? 1
Author Miamb Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 He did not have to tell you about his ex, but he did. So I think it was fine to tell him about that neighbor. Going forward, he told you he was with his brother (not another woman). You told him you were with a friend, what does that mean? Did you clarify that the "friend" was not that neighbor? Imo this guy has been straightforward. We can't assume people are lying, that's simply not healthy. Are you being less forthcoming? I totally agree with what you say. I don't think he told me lies. When I asked when he broke up with her he got confused and answered why he broke up but not when - this is why I consider the possibility of they be giving some time and space to each other rather than a break up. I did not tell who my friend was but I think I told it was a girlfriend.
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I did not have my shorts on at some stage. But I did not know that, he told me. My best gf said he was lying then I called a third friend who confirmed I had my shorts off (taken off by me when going to the bathroom, where I passed out) Well it's hard to know for sure what the hell happened... but it DOES NOT sound good. With this new info plus everything else you wrote about him, he sounds like BAD NEWS and I would advise you to stay away from him. Good luck.
Recommended Posts