ExtraSpice Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Checking up on your ex is one of the worst things to do to yourself. Very rarely will people post pictures of them balling their eyes out. Most of the time it will be of happy and fun times because that is the image people want to project. So when you see that you end up comparing other peoples highlights to your behind the scenes. Guaranteed way of making yourself feel like sh*t. That being said it is not easy to avoid doing that. Especially when things are so fresh. There is no magic way you can stop obsessing over him but it is important to realize that in the end you have all the power. Force yourself not to do it. A lot easier said than done but take baby steps towards it. Maybe even deactivate your own profiles for some time. The obsession will go away just a matter of how fast. 1
DarkHorizon Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Honestly, the "why" does not matter at all. What matters is that he decided to stop talking to you and you have to respect it, regardless of his reasons. Most likely he wants to move on and realized that hearing from you will just make things harder and more painful.
DarkHorizon Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I learned that my ex moved down the street from me. Talk about ruminating thoughts, especially after seeing her car on the road and parked at a local coffee shop. But, still, gotta be strong!
mightycpa Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 To avoid the spectre of giving you false hope.
Author Alias80 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 These threads are great. I spent so much time being upset. I don't know why. But three days ago I woke up and I had absolutely no longing anymore. I'm sad to be alone. But I have no connection to that sadness with him. And with that my compulsion to see him left too. It's weird to feel over him. I knew he was not the one. It's why I broke up with him. I was feeling the sting of rejection and it was killing me. Feeling released from the pain feels great. And reading all these things here helped so much! Love and thanks to all 1
DarkHorizon Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I'm sad to be alone. But I have no connection to that sadness with him. And with that my compulsion to see him left too. Really nice to read this. Thank you.
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I'm re-reading this At the end of December, we got into a huge fight and I broke it off with him for the 3rd time. and frankly, it's hard to feel sorry for you. You got what you wanted. Who cares on whose terms it ended? The important thing is that it's over. EDIT: These threads are great. I spent so much time being upset. I don't know why. But three days ago I woke up and I had absolutely no longing anymore. I'm sad to be alone. But I have no connection to that sadness with him. And with that my compulsion to see him left too. It's weird to feel over him. I knew he was not the one. It's why I broke up with him. I was feeling the sting of rejection and it was killing me. Feeling released from the pain feels great. And reading all these things here helped so much! Love and thanks to all There you go.
Author Alias80 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 I'm re-reading this and frankly, it's hard to feel sorry for you. You got what you wanted. Who cares on whose terms it ended? The important thing is that it's over. EDIT: There you go. I didn't ask anyone to feel sorry for me. It doesnt matter who did the dumping it's still hard. This is a forum for people to talk about their feelings and to support each other. But thanks for trolling. You get back what you give.
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) I didn't ask anyone to feel sorry for me. It doesnt matter who did the dumping it's still hard. This is a forum for people to talk about their feelings and to support each other. But thanks for trolling. You get back what you give. No, you never asked anybody to feel sorry for you: I'm so hurt and angry and confused.I have no idea how to move forward.Part of me wants to be with him, and part of me knows he was the wrong person.He went from loving me to not wanting to speak to me so soon.I just dont know what to do.I feel like the breakup is consuming me.I started NC with him - its been 3 days.It's been 3 weeks since the breakup.He is already dating other people - and seems to be getting on fine.I cant stop obsessing. I check up on his pages 100's of times a day.I have not reached out but my mind wont calm down. I know that what I'm doing is only hurting me more, but I can't stop.I just want to get him out of my mind.I'm here miserable and he is in La La land.Here goes day 1 again. Sigh.I go to therapy once a weekI've been thinking about meds - I should make an appointment with a PsychiatristUgh. I've been so depressed all day.I feel like I'm at step one again. I feel miserable today and I don't even want to leave the bed.I cant stop being sad.I'm obsessing and ruminating over everything.My whole body wants to call him and cry and beg and yell. No. Why would anybody feel sorry for that person? Listen, all I was trying to say was that between all of that stuff you said up there, I missed the fundamental story: I broke it off with him for the 3rd time. As always I took him back.He responded that he did not want to jump back into a relationshipI wanted all or nothing.he told me that he no longer wanted to be with me and that he had decided I was not the one for him.He would not listen to anything I had to say.He didn't want to even be friends.I'm so hurt and angry and confused.I'm more upset that he has 100% cut me out. Breakups may indeed be hard on the dumper sometimes, but it was hard on you for the wrong reason. He'd had enough of you, and with his actions, he basically said FU, and THAT is what sent you into a tailspin. It had nothing to do with the breakup, or how you felt about him. It was all about you being rejected. To your credit, it appears that you have realized this and come to your senses. Good for you. Maybe that therapy was good for more than making you feel better, or maybe you just knew it all along and you needed a little time to straighten yourself out. I guess it doesn't matter, and I'm glad you see things for what they are now. But as far as supporting people on this forum, I think if you read people's stories a little more carefully, you'll see that support goes to people who are suffering because they've lost somebody important to them. But people who suffer because their ego got bruised, and their dumper didn't beg and plead for them to stay after getting dumped actually get very little support or sympathy. In fact, they're viewed with a lot of disdain, they're encouraged to both move on and to grow up. It sounds like you've done that and so our work here is done. Edited February 3, 2016 by mightycpa
Author Alias80 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 Glad to see you feel like you know everything. My ego was not bruised because my "dumper" didn't beg for me. We each dumped each other multiple times over our relationship. It wasn't just me - I just talked about my time because this is for my experience. We were toxic for each other. Both feeding our need for codependency by push and pulling back and forth. This final time he was stronger to walk away and stop the cycle. I DID lose someone I love deeply. We both did. But I now see that he did the healthiest thing for both of us. Breaking from the cycle and can appreciate and respect that we were not meant to be. It was not some egotistical I'm not getting begged back. It seems maybe you have unresolved issues that cause you to jump to these conclusions about people, and to feel disdain for others. Just because I knew our relationship was toxic does not diminish the pain of losing someone you love. You also seem to have a very negative view on therapy. Which I was in long before this relationship. Therapy is not to "fix" a broken person.
Recommended Posts