Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Not having a high sex drive is one thing, but when you add to that the lack of affection and intimacy in general (not even wanting to hold hands etc) it takes it to a whole other level. One or the other might be bearable, but both.. something isn't right. If you stay with him, the only pleasure you are likely to receive regularly will be solo. There is nothing wrong with that if you are ok with it, but I imagine it will be frustrating knowing it can't be shared with your partner.
stillafool Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Do you really think this is harm? From what he tells me, he has never liked holding hands with anyone. Sure, I am putting aside my needs/wants to not cause a fight but yes it sucks. I am with him because he's a great guy - he makes me laugh, he's intelligent, he's responsible, etc. It's just this one area that lacks. Unfortunately, it has affected me more than I thought it would. In the past he has said he is "working" on being more affectionate. I want to ask him WHAT THE HELL are you working on exactly??? He has told me all I want is this prince charming and that he is not that. No, I don't want a prince charming, I want someone who can meet me half way. And yes, sometimes I do feel like he's just a friend basically. It's a crappy situation because I have invested half of a year with him (officially)... What I have bolded above anyone can do for you, male or female, as there is nothing romantic going on. Why are you trying to hold on to a man you've only been seeing for 6 months when he isn't giving you what you want or deserve by being someones gf? He is not the last man in your area is he? 1
ksol9 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) I have experienced something similar to this in my relationship. We have sex 1-3 times a month. He is a very hard working man. He has two children living with us full time. I've been with him for a year. It took me almost the entire year to understand why we don't have sex frequently. At first, just like you, tried to find out WHY. You can search and search and I don't think there is anyone who can tell you what is really going on. For me, once I ruled out that he wasn't seeing someone else, I realized it is a culmination of things. He's tired, he's focused on children and work, he's stressed, he has a low sex drive. Do I think he is pleasuring himself? Yes. Do I think he is cheating? No. Do I think we are incompatible? I no longer think this. Do I think he doesn't have interest in me? At times, but in reality I think he doesn't have an interest in having sex as much as other men. As women, we need validation. We need reassurance that we are wanted and needed. When your man doesn't show that kind of interest in you, you start to question yourself. I've been there, but I've grown up quite a bit. It's not about the sex. My bf is very affectionate. He's always sneaking in a grab here and there. He's always kissing and hugging. He's very affectionate, but the sex life is not what I'm used to I guess. I think in your situation, there will always be an imbalance when it comes to sex. You will always want more because you drive is higher. If he is not cheating, then I would suggest to give it a little time. Don't waste too much time, but give him a chance. Loosen the rope and have faith in your relationship...have faith in him. This is what I did. It took me about a year, but there are factors other than cheating that could be impacting your sex life. If after a while and you are still unhappy, you can move on. When a relationship is still developing, there are things that won't make sense because you haven't taken the time to understand your partner. if your relationship is full of love and laughter, you can always improve the passion. Nurture your relationship....that's if you have the time to invest. Good luck to you. I know this can be frustrating at times. Edited February 4, 2016 by ksol9
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