AverageJoe1986 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I just logged on and haven't seen anyone who appeals to me greatly but there are a few if I scroll through tonnes of pages. I think I'll go back to it later. There aren't a lot of guys I have much in common with on there. :/ When I divide the women online into ever smaller subsets of those who live near me, those who are attractive to me, those who are interested in similar things, those who don't smoke, those who are looking for similar things I realise that I'm probably looking amongst about 5 women. Factor in my dismal response rate and I might as well just buy a lottery ticket.
dispatch3d Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 ah hey what are your hobbies or I also like x from his profile would be fine. Guys don't get 10% of the number of messages females get so you really don't have to come off super-amazing on the first message anyways.
phineas Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I have had lots of experiences with girls simply messaging hey there or hi Please make sure it has substance as those type of messages feel like they are showing interest but are too lazy to actually make a good 1st impression. I typically like a girl to message me simply saying, hi how are you, and make reference to a photo or question a bit about something on my profile. Proves she has read it and at least taken sometime to glance at it. This. WTF? and worse, when I message them first commenting about their proflie and they respond back with "hi". weeks later. I usually respond with "hi back at ya, i'm nitro." Then nothing. lol. All a woman who is decent looking has to do is just demonstrate mediocre communication skills and spread out one word "lol" responses to at least every 3 or 4 messages.
Robratory Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I'm just wondering what your views are on receiving messages from women and what kind of messages do you like? Men are far, far more forgiving than women are. Frankly, after the average guy spends a month sending out carefully crafted messages that never receive a response, just the fact that a woman contacted him should be enough. Don't overthink it. Be light and friendly, something like, "I saw your profile and it seems we have things in common. Reply and let's see where this takes us." Unless you have some serious red flags in your profile ("I intend to marry by Valentine's!"), I can't imagine guys not replying. If a guy doesn't reply (and he's an active user), it's nothing you did or said, but he's just not attracted. 1
Robratory Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 (edited) Ha, you see it's a complicated beast this. I love art and have the fact on my profile sometimes. If I got that message I wouldn't message back. Banksy would have been a major turn off. Wow, and I just got through assuring Crucible that men were much more forgiving than women! You love art, and if a woman goes, "Oh, art? Like Bansky?" you write her off? Man, that's some snobby 'tude for a guy to take. You must be verrrry good looking! Talking about music, and I once told a girl I liked Beethoven, and she said, "Oh, you mean like the Chuck Berry song?" and I went, uh, yeah. So instead of going to the symphony, we'd have extra sex. Worked for me! Edited February 2, 2016 by Robratory
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Wow, and I just through assuring Crucible that men were much more forgiving than women! You love art, and if a woman goes, "Oh, art? Like Bansky?" you write her off? Man, that's some snobby 'tude for a guy to take. You must be verrrry good looking! Talking about music, and I once told a girl I liked Beethoven, and she said, "Oh, you mean like the Chuck Berry song?" and I went, uh, yeah. So instead of going to the symphony, we'd have extra sex. Worked for me! To be honest I get such little response online I probably would have responded to her. If I were verrrry good looking though I would filter it out...cos I could afford to.
BeholdtheMan Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Hello all, I've decided that my online dating isn't working for me so I want to send some initial messages myself rather than deal with what lands in my inbox. So I'm just wondering what your views are on receiving messages from women and what kind of messages do you like? I'm flirty in real life but not very much so over the internet. I would probably just go for something laid back and ask him a question about an interest he listed on his profile. I wouldn't compliment him in a first message as I don't really want to be massaging some guy's ego. I'm interested to hear opinions from men and women alike. Cheers Also, try not to emit thirsty vibes...like "woe is me, I can't find a man...pls talk to me...u're so hawt"
Toodaloo Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Wow, and I just got through assuring Crucible that men were much more forgiving than women! You love art, and if a woman goes, "Oh, art? Like Bansky?" you write her off? Man, that's some snobby 'tude for a guy to take. You must be verrrry good looking! Talking about music, and I once told a girl I liked Beethoven, and she said, "Oh, you mean like the Chuck Berry song?" and I went, uh, yeah. So instead of going to the symphony, we'd have extra sex. Worked for me! Thats the thing though. If Average Joe didn't message back I wouldn't be bothered. If he can't be bothered to voice his opinions or communicate he wouldn't be worth my time... its called "Next"!!! I wouldn't know him and if he doesn't want to get to know me then thats fine by me! Having read many of his comments on here I very much doubt we would get on in a romantic relationship so its a good filtering system, even if not one conducted by me! Rob have you heard *I think* it was his 5th piano concerto? Had the hairs on the back of my neck standing up! Mind you Chuck does that too!!! Both now going round in my head and they do not mix well. Sounds like a harem of cats wailing up there at the moment! Crucible - you seem to have your head screwed on just look after yourself. Be sensible. If you feel yourself going a bit doolally just take time out. Keep yourself busy and distracted with friends and hobbies etc and remember that not one of these men actually know you so their opinions do not count until they do! Good Luck girl. Here if you need someone to chat to! 1
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Rob have you heard *I think* it was his 5th piano concerto? Had the hairs on the back of my neck standing up! Mind you Chuck does that too!!! Both now going round in my head and they do not mix well. Sounds like a harem of cats wailing up there at the moment Well if you like the Empire concerto I'd direct you to Mozart's 25th piano concerto and then on to the rest of his Vienna concerto.
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Thats the thing though. If Average Joe didn't message back I wouldn't be bothered. If he can't be bothered to voice his opinions or communicate he wouldn't be worth my time... its called "Next"!!! I wouldn't know him and if he doesn't want to get to know me then thats fine by me! Having read many of his comments on here I very much doubt we would get on in a romantic relationship so its a good filtering system, even if not one conducted by me! Well if I ever got a message from a woman trying to start a conversation I wouldn't be able to reply for a while, at least until someone got me some smelling salts.
Author thecrucible Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 Also, try not to emit thirsty vibes...like "woe is me, I can't find a man...pls talk to me...u're so hawt" I actually have the opposite problem. I don't know if I'm avoidant, a commitment phobe or I've been single for too long but there's something about online dating that makes me feel awkward. I wonder if real life interactions are better suited to me. I'll meet one guy from OLD and I'll like certain things about him but I won't be quite sure so I'll stick on the site and keep searching. Being single for almost 5 years has made more aware of who I am and what works for me. But I also find it easier to find ways in my mind that it wouldn't work out with certain people. I wonder if it's because I've had a long time to over analyse things. Basically I feel exactly how Philosopher felt in that recent thread of his. I also want to move away from my home town (it requires the right job in order to make the move though) as while I like my home town, I really don't want to be one of those people who never leaves the town they grew up in. I yearn to live in and explore a city. So I think maybe this puts me off dating to a certain extent because I think "well what if I start dating someone and it's all fine and dandy and then I do somehow manage to get a full time job in a city somewhere?".
Author thecrucible Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 Crucible - you seem to have your head screwed on just look after yourself. Be sensible. If you feel yourself going a bit doolally just take time out. Keep yourself busy and distracted with friends and hobbies etc and remember that not one of these men actually know you so their opinions do not count until they do! Good Luck girl. Here if you need someone to chat to! Thank you Toodaloo. I've had a message from a guy who seems interesting and who'd I'd been looking at on POF and he's the only guy I vaguely like who's currently in my inbox so I'll engage with him for a while. I may message one other guy for now but I don't want to be talking to more than a few guys at a time as I can find this overwhelming. Also thanks for offering a chat. I would love it. I've had some great advice on here before and it keeps things under wraps so I don't vent too many of my singlehood frustrations out in public hehe .
Toodaloo Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Well if you like the Empire concerto I'd direct you to Mozart's 25th piano concerto and then on to the rest of his Vienna concerto. Its OK Joe - I can find the way myself and have been enjoying the journey! Need to listen to some more Vivaldi as well - just goes to show you never can quite tell until you get to know someone can you... Thank you Toodaloo. I've had a message from a guy who seems interesting and who'd I'd been looking at on POF and he's the only guy I vaguely like who's currently in my inbox so I'll engage with him for a while. I may message one other guy for now but I don't want to be talking to more than a few guys at a time as I can find this overwhelming. Also thanks for offering a chat. I would love it. I've had some great advice on here before and it keeps things under wraps so I don't vent too many of my singlehood frustrations out in public hehe . You are welcome. The whole dating lark is a minefield. There are so many ups and downs and rules and ideas and urgh! Being single when you are older also sucks like a dyson. Yeah we can fill up our lives and do loads of things but without that special person it still feels empty somehow.
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