NC for two days. Really struggling.

[Apparition]

I've been NC so far for two whole days (whoopty doo) and I cannot believe how hard this is. My ex sent me an e-mail on the 29th and that was my last e-mail ever from her. Reason being is she deleted her e-mail account so I did not get the chance to reply back. However, a mutual friend of ours told me she restored the account (she used the account ONLY to talk to me when she was working, so her boss couldn't see). My guess is our friend was telling me this because perhaps she wanted me to contact her and I thought to myself, nope, not a chance. I didn't say anything to our friend because I do not trust her enough to not go back and repeat anything I said to her in confidence about my ex.

 

My mindset right now is if she wants me, she knows where to find me, how to contact me and more than an apology will have to get me to talk to her. I hate how easy it is for people to throw you away just like that, especially after five years. So, I'm sticking to NC and it's really difficult. My ex is not a bad person at all, she really just needs some help - professional help and I know for a fact if she got that we would be good again or even better than before. It's a terribly sad situation and these past two days have really taught me what a true broken heart is. On top of it I am terribly ill with the flu and have to suffer in bed. There is a limit to what I can do in bed and so every time I try to listen to music, EVERY song reminds me of her, including the ones she hated. Every show I watch - something pops up that reminds me of her as well, like this comedy I was watching where the girl is having her time of the month and her co-workers are all scared of her. It reminded me of my ex because I would joke with her about how everyone is scared of her when she's on her period. It leads to me thinking of good memories and missing her terribly.

 

I guess I'm writing this now because I'm at the point where the pain is unbearable and I have to somehow release it - the only way I can think of is writing it out on here among people who know what I'm going through. I'm not eating anything as I have zero appetite, I'm not sleeping even though I am exhausted and so drained as thoughts of her keep awakening me. I will most likely dream of her tonight and I do not want that to happen. I suspect tomorrow will be worse - the pain will increase, I'll feel her absence more and more each day, I'll lose a lot of weight and sleep over it, probably drink alcohol to numb the pain sometimes. I have zero energy for anything, I absolutely hate that valentines day is not far away and I hate seeing love-heart cards, balloons, candy and romantic products in stores. It just sucks.

 

I'm going to try write my healing journey out every day if I possibly can.

[Emaize3]

I'm going through the same thing. Every song, sleeping, eating, relating to others. Nothing is the same anymore. I am devastated beyond devastated. I had the best boyfriend ever so there is no hope of anyone better than him. He just thinks that we are too different and have different parenting styles. I don't know how to cope. I'm just in a fog.

[donetrying]

I feel your pain Apparition. I was NC for 3 days and it was so hard, I was keeping my mind occupied by watching advice/self help videos on YouTube, you should try that. However she messaged me today about nothing. I replied to the first text but didn't respond to the second and now the emotions are clouding my brain. All I want to do is talk to her. I deleted her message and number and blocked her on everything else. It's the only way. You have to hang in there, it sounds like you know what needs to happen. Stay strong and don't get in contact with her as it'll just bring you back to square one. You might not realise it right now but you've made progress along the trail. Focus on getting over your illness and get outside and be as active as you can. It's also ok to break down and cry your eyes out every now and then too.

[CDJ]

You don't realise how well you are doing. It took me weeks to go just one day without contacting my ex; and then months later I tried to reach out again! It's so, so hard.

 

Just take it one step at a time. Two days will soon become a week. A week will become a fortnight. Then a month, and so on. It get easier as each day goes by - yes, marginally so, but still easier. There will be temptations along the way, so you need to prepare for those and maybe know in advance how you will deal with them (distractions, eliminating the means of contact, etc.).

 

Rest assured that you are doing things the right way and are not making the situation worse. You always think in this situation that things can't possibly get in any worse, but they can, and NC will stop that from happening. You're among people here who understand what you're going through - if you ever get the urge to contact your ex and say something, say it here instead.

[Just smile]

I went 12 days with zero contact. Every day was a struggle , a struggle to get up, a struggle to work, do the most mundane things hurt me,

 

He was in my thoughts every day , seems like every minute. But on the 12 th day he reached out and of course I answered and listened to the sobs and pleads and bull**** , but the next day he acted like none of it happened and went back to shutting me out. Unfortunately for me this has been a cycle for 8 years.

 

If u can find the strength to walk away, love should never ever ever hurt. It shouldn't be this hard.

[Apparition]

Thanks for the support, guys. I like hearing about your experiences with NC as it gives me some insight of what I may be in for. I've been in relationships before but this one was different, I know everyone says that but for me it really was because my past girlfriends before my recent ex, well, one cheated, the other one went psycho jealous and I didn't really have to deal with NC as it was easy for me to let go of those ones. This one, though, was the one for me. At least I thought she was. I had planned on proposing to her but sh*t just happened and delayed everything I had planned for us. Then this happened...so yeah, I'm not sure what to expect with regards to emotions.

 

 

Did all your ex's get in touch with you at some point after NC? Also, why do you think they get in touch with you after breaking your heart? Part of me thinks my ex will get in touch with me as all the others did who I have been in a relationship with and for the fact I was a good boyfriend. I would give her flowers, chocolates on random days. I would do so much to show her my appreciation and be romantic, she would tell me she has "never" had that before, so that's what makes me think she will get in touch with me again because she is bound to miss it. The other part of me thinks she won't get in touch with me because she's the one who broke it off, she's the one who chose to break it off, she's the one who is going through turmoil in her life with personal issues. But, perhaps down the line she will come into my life as a test and under no circumstances UNLESS she has gotten help and makes an effort to show me she wants me back, will I speak to her.

 

I'm on day three of NC and I'm skeptical. I feel numb and I'm dreading with what has to come next, after five years of building my life with someone I feel alien to all of this, as though my home has been taken from me and now I am in a refugee camp with so many broken people. I feel homeless. I encourage you all to keep busy as much as possible, the first day I was surrounded by family at an event and it helped keep my mind off things. Although I was fake smiling and laughing, it helped because there was so many people around that my brain had to try keep up with what they were saying - it was simply a distraction and stopped my mind from going into dreamland.

[Brando]

Thanks for the support, guys. I like hearing about your experiences with NC as it gives me some insight of what I may be in for. I've been in relationships before but this one was different, I know everyone says that but for me it really was because my past girlfriends before my recent ex, well, one cheated, the other one went psycho jealous and I didn't really have to deal with NC as it was easy for me to let go of those ones. This one, though, was the one for me. At least I thought she was. I had planned on proposing to her but sh*t just happened and delayed everything I had planned for us. Then this happened...so yeah, I'm not sure what to expect with regards to emotions.

 

 

Did all your ex's get in touch with you at some point after NC? Also, why do you think they get in touch with you after breaking your heart? Part of me thinks my ex will get in touch with me as all the others did who I have been in a relationship with and for the fact I was a good boyfriend. I would give her flowers, chocolates on random days. I would do so much to show her my appreciation and be romantic, she would tell me she has "never" had that before, so that's what makes me think she will get in touch with me again because she is bound to miss it. The other part of me thinks she won't get in touch with me because she's the one who broke it off, she's the one who chose to break it off, she's the one who is going through turmoil in her life with personal issues. But, perhaps down the line she will come into my life as a test and under no circumstances UNLESS she has gotten help and makes an effort to show me she wants me back, will I speak to her.

 

I'm on day three of NC and I'm skeptical. I feel numb and I'm dreading with what has to come next, after five years of building my life with someone I feel alien to all of this, as though my home has been taken from me and now I am in a refugee camp with so many broken people. I feel homeless. I encourage you all to keep busy as much as possible, the first day I was surrounded by family at an event and it helped keep my mind off things. Although I was fake smiling and laughing, it helped because there was so many people around that my brain had to try keep up with what they were saying - it was simply a distraction and stopped my mind from going into dreamland.

 

I am in a similar situation to you. I felt like she was a great girl and saw a future with her. In previous relationships there was fighting or some kind of event that caused the breakup and as it did hurt, I knew it was for the best.

 

With my most recent one everything was great. No fighting, same education and life goals, many mutual friends and so on. When she ended it I was devastated. That was 3 months ago, but we stayed together for another couple months after the breakup, like nothing had changed. Then about 3 weeks ago she went NC and I was forced to do the same.

 

The thing that kills me is that I know she loves me, but doesn't want to be in a relationship and probably didn't feel it was as perfect as I did. She told me and our friends told me she wanted to go no contact to heal herself and move on from the relationship. I haven't talked to her or mutual friends in about 3 weeks now. I blocked them all on social media and deleted their numbers. It's the only way for me to heal and I don't want to know who or what she may be doing.

 

It's a strange, sad feeling detaching from someone you love still. In past situations I missed having a partner and someone always there for me. In this situation I legitimately miss her as a person. So, I have convinced myself that she has moved on and we will probably never speak again. It hurts, but it helps. At first I was staying busy and distracted, but now those distractions are actually a part of my life. I have met some new friends and am starting new activities.

 

It's tough...but I just trust the process, focus on what I can control and see where life takes me...

[DarkHorizon]

My mindset right now is if she wants me, she knows where to find me, how to contact me and more than an apology will have to get me to talk to her.

 

Well said!

[Just smile]

It is living in a fog, for me, hardest thing ever. I'm well educated and still can't break out of a very mentally abusive relationship.

 

In and out. Up and down. This is 7 years of my life ! Just the past 7 mons have been great. Longest stint . He's gone now ,,left for a trip indefinitely just left.

 

He tells me I'm crazy. I am beginning to feel that way. I am no one to give advice but for me, I have been abusing myself by allowing this that I don't know how to feel better. I feel completely abandoned .

 

Wish u the best and wish your heart to heal as I want mine.

[DarkHorizon]

I'm well educated and still can't break out of a very mentally abusive relationship.

 

It helps me to look at it from a scientific point of view. What we are going through is indeed fascinating. The way this ego struggles to protect itself, ruminating, obsessing, compulsively, and many times, in a delusional manner, trying to analyze every single possible move and action. It keeps looking for answers, even knowing that, most times, there are none.

 

Try to remember that whatever your mind is doing right now is normal and expected. It is how it's programmed to work. You were hurt, so the mind is trying to prevent you from getting hurt the same way in the future, so the obsessive thoughts and suffering are part of the equation.

 

Gone were the times our egos only had to protect us from physical harm and danger. Now, in our comfortable modern lives, it turned its attention to emotional suffering.