edgygirl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) How do you feel when a good friend tells you they are getting engaged to that person they just met a few months back? Does it make you feel more depressed about your dating life and the fact you struggle to meet someone? Does it remind you that perhaps you are being too picky? Edited January 31, 2016 by edgygirl
JustGettingBy Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 When I hear a friend gets engaged, I'm usually happy for them. However, if any of them say 'to the person I met a few months back", it sets off an alarm bell. How are you supposed to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after just a few months. 3
Author edgygirl Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Of course I'm happy for them, in a way, although I think expectations were lowered in order to find someone. But it also makes me wonder why I can't find someone and if my expectations are just too high.
newmoon Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 i am happy for them. you probably would already know beforehand their level of 'pickiness' vs yours anyway. it doesn't bother me at all when friends get engaged. good for them.
Woggle Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I am happy for them if she is a good woman and I hope they come to their senses before it's too late if she is a bad woman. 1
xxoo Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 How do you feel when a good friend tells you they are getting engaged to that person they just met a few months back? Does it make you feel more depressed about your dating life and the fact you struggle to meet someone? Does it remind you that perhaps you are being too picky? I'm happy for them. Do you see a difference in their level of pickiness and your? If so, how? 1
Popsicle Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) "Getting engaged"? Does that mean they are not engaged yet? If it's a real engagement, with my female friends, I am usually happy for them, even if the guy or the relationship isn't perfect, because no one is. I don't have any male friends so there's nothing to say about that. I like being around happy couples (real ones, not fake ones) so this pleases me. Edited January 31, 2016 by Popsicle 1
deckard11 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 How do you feel when a good friend tells you they are getting engaged to that person they just met a few months back? Does it make you feel more depressed about your dating life and the fact you struggle to meet someone? Does it remind you that perhaps you are being too picky? My ex best friends (both brothers) got engaged last year after only a couple months knowing the women. Mind you this is their 2nd marriage for both of them and they are in their mid 30's. I told them they were idiots. Look, I have no experience or have ever been in a relationship with a woman. But I know I am smart enough not to get engaged after only a few months of dating. Their idiocy is part of the reason I am no longer friends with them. So OP, don't feel depressed. Your friends are the ones who are making a big mistake. Move on with your life, preferably without them because they will ditch you after they are married.
Author edgygirl Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I do. I am really into Myers Briggs (the personality theory) and she was too. Basically the guy she's with has the personality cluster that she said she would never stand to be with as they are so different than her. Yet, she met this guy and got engaged to him. I guess it makes me reflect on my own pickiness and the things I think I want in a man, personality-wise mostly. Maybe I have to let go of that to find love? I'm happy for them. Do you see a difference in their level of pickiness and your? If so, how?
xxoo Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I do. I am really into Myers Briggs (the personality theory) and she was too. Basically the guy she's with has the personality cluster that she said she would never stand to be with as they are so different than her. Yet, she met this guy and got engaged to him. I guess it makes me reflect on my own pickiness and the things I think I want in a man, personality-wise mostly. Maybe I have to let go of that to find love? Ha, I'm married to my polar opposite on Myers Brigg. Me: IFNP. Him: ESTJ. That's a huge part of the attraction to each other--our differences. Therein lies the spark Have you been interested in men that you've rejected based on Myers Brigg? 1
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 How do you feel when a good friend tells you they are getting engaged to that person they just met a few months back? Does it make you feel more depressed about your dating life and the fact you struggle to meet someone? Does it remind you that perhaps you are being too picky? If "a few months" is less then 12, I think my friend is making bad, reckless choices & I thank God that I had more standards then that. I never thought I was too picky. You need to make the choices that make you happy. That doesn't mean lowering your standards but it may mean giving good people a chance. 2
Author edgygirl Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Interesting! That's why I always liked your responses. Love INFPs. I am ENFP. I usually go for INTJs, love them and they blow my mind That's the thing... I'm a Myers Brigg snob and usually go only for men whom I like their type. I've been thinking maybe I shouldn't (as it happened with my friend) but then I'm not as attracted. I wish people talked more about Myers Briggs on Loveshack Ha, I'm married to my polar opposite on Myers Brigg. Me: IFNP. Him: ESTJ. That's a huge part of the attraction to each other--our differences. Therein lies the spark Have you been interested in men that you've rejected based on Myers Brigg? 1
Kilgoretrout Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 When I was single it never did anything for me because I was not really looking to get married. However, for women I know who wanted to get married, t made them feel anxious, even like a failure, which sucks. 1
Penguin_hugs Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 When genuine close friends get engaged I'm really happy for them- although I did question in my head a friend who got engaged really quickly (in my opinion) for religious reasons. Facebook aquaintances- some of whom seem in silly relationships- it just makes me roll my eyes when I see ridiculous engagements. Like I'm FB friends with a girl I used to live with. She recently got engaged and gushes all over facebook with loads of soppy photos and #love #forever etc- yet seeing them together when I lived with this girl- they had the fakest, most untrustworthy relationship ever.
Miss Peach Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I would be happy for my friends for finding someone. The only issue I have is the known 'for a couple months' comment. It takes months for the real person to show up. You don't really know who you are marrying at that point. 2
scrapbooker Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I'd congratulate them and think of a good shower gift. Like many many things in the universe, it isn't about ME
thefooloftheyear Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Good for them....But I don't think guys really care much about that kinda stuff the same way women do.....Kinda like a baby....I hear someone is having a kid, great....good for them....There are women I know, that absolutely fall apart if they find out one of their siblings/friends is pregnant....and they don't have any.... Let it go...everyone has their own life to live....wish em well and carry on.. TFY 1
mrs rubble Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 When I hear a friend gets engaged, I'm usually happy for them. However, if any of them say 'to the person I met a few months back", it sets off an alarm bell. How are you supposed to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after just a few months. Sometimes you just know, I was engaged to my partner 4 months after meeting him. We've been together 4 years now and are planning our wedding in about 12 months time. I'd hardly call that alarming (or reckless as another poster puts it.)
Just a Guy Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Hi Edgy, I guess if you are going to go by a template for finding the right guy for yourself you'll be out there a long time. Why not unleash your animal instincts and let them do the work for you? You might find success much sooner rather than basing your self on ridid stereotypes. Best wishes.
Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I always feel sorry for the majority of couples anyway. Because most people settle by my standards. I am an all or nothing person with life and relationships; I won't settle for less than crazy, mad and passionate love. The instant and natural spark where it feels like you're "meant to be"as opposed to the slow burn. So far, I know one couple who have that aside from my own relationship. When they get engaged it'll be amazing for me to hear- it's truly remarkable how passionately in love they are! They hit the relationship jackpot so that makes me elated to hear about. I also get very jealous of this friend when I am single. Because she is gorgeous and had no issues just bumping into a guy, having instant fireworks with him and also ending up being insanely compatible. However, aside from feeling thrilled tainted with jealously of that one remarkable couple, the rest of the couples I know I'll honestly feel meh about their engagements. I'll feel happy for them but that's all. Where as I'll truly feel happy for that one special couple because they're the only type of relationship I'd personally be in.
Giggle Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Definitely. And you can be both happy for them and a bit depressed. How come that doesn't happen to me? Happened recently with my sister as I also boggled at her moving so fast. Makes me kinda wonder what I'm doing
MissBee Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 How do you feel when a good friend tells you they are getting engaged to that person they just met a few months back? Does it make you feel more depressed about your dating life and the fact you struggle to meet someone? Does it remind you that perhaps you are being too picky? No. I have a friend who is engaged for the second time in 3 years to a man she hasn't known even for a year. And just like the last time, she's now complaining about him and wondering if it was "too fast." And I'm like... Ya think?! I feel thrilled when they've been a couple for a while and seem to be a great match, it gives me hope and positive feelings. On the contrary, if it comes after a few months, I'm wary and I also feel like they're probably making a mistake and am glad I'm more cautious. I have no problems being picky about who I am going to marry and reproduce with. My pickiness about that is also never about superficial things but about legitimate things, and I like that about myself. I have been in mismatched relationships and trust me, I would rather be single than hitched and unbappy and struggling.
Author edgygirl Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 Must be wonderful to be such a good Pollyanna person with a good heart. Maybe I'm a bad person? I'd congratulate them and think of a good shower gift. Like many many things in the universe, it isn't about ME
lino Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 I'm always happy for anyone getting engaged. Friends or otherwise. Getting engaged after a few months however seems a bit risky to me. Some people are indeed way too picky. Chasing after such a small group of people
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