serendipity90 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I was with my ex for over 2 years and he was my first love. During our time we were together we had our ups and downs and our respective mental illnesses presented challenges, with his aspergers and my psychoses. A couple of months ago he said he didn't want to be in a relationship as he wanted more time to meet new friends and didn't have time for a relationship which I was broken hearted about but we still continued to see each other and express our love for each other. I was getting annoyed with him for not planning anything with me and when he does its always "I don't know what I'm doing yet" he says he doesn't want to meet anyone new and I believe him. I told him before christmas that I wanted to see other people, not that I really did it was more so to provoke a reaction out of him and he didn't like it. I got annoyed at him for not wanting me but not wanting anyone else to want me and last week I didn't meet him like he wanted me to as I said he was going on dates, he rang me saying he was really down that weekend but he still can't give me what I want and be in a relationship with me. He was also upset as he said he would be lonely and I'm his only social contact. Today we both went to a meet up together and I'm still in love with him, I've been going on dates with someone else who likes me but all I want is to be with my ex. Help!
zanwalk Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Hmmm, difficult one this. I must first state that I know little about either of your illnesses. However, it strikes me that even if you were able to rekindle his interest, that this pattern would repeat itself over and over again. I feel that both of you need a partner who doesn't suffer from mental illness and has the patience to work through any rough times. It maybe difficult to find the right partner for both of you, but I just think that the two of you together is a recipe for suffering for both of you. This is of course only my opinion on reading your post, I don't know all the circumstances and I may be wrong!
Author serendipity90 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 I just texted him it was nice seeing you today to which he replied "we can always have each other" I asked him what he meant and he said as friends. I want more but I suppose it's better to have him in my life as a friend then not at all. For now though I will continue seeing people. I like this guy I'm dating but I will always love my ex.
zanwalk Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Value that friendship for what it is, it may turn out that you are lifelong friends. If you BOTH feel stronger feelings for each other that may lead to something more, but you both need to feel this, not just you. Best wishes. 1
basil67 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Getting him to want you would have to involve addressing the reasons that he ended things in the first place.
Redhead14 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I just texted him it was nice seeing you today to which he replied "we can always have each other" I asked him what he meant and he said as friends. I want more but I suppose it's better to have him in my life as a friend then not at all. For now though I will continue seeing people. I like this guy I'm dating but I will always love my ex. I want more but I suppose it's better to have him in my life as a friend then not at all. -- It is usually a mistake for a woman to attempt to maintain and friendship with a man she has feelings for and he doesn't return those feelings. It is very difficult to "watch" a man you have feelings for dating someone else . . . 1
Terry8889 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) Asperger and psychosis? That is not a good combination if you ever plan to have children with this person. There is this documentaryon youtube about these two kids born to a bipolar couple and it is very sad to see what they go through both kids were born with severe schizophrenia and their life's are hell. Find a healthy life partner for the sake of your future children. Edited February 1, 2016 by Terry8889
Author serendipity90 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Getting him to want you would have to involve addressing the reasons that he ended things in the first place. I think because I wanted more time from him than he could give. I want to be his friend but would it be fair on my future boyfriend to be friends with someone I'm still in love with?
stillafool Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I want to be his friend but would it be fair on my future boyfriend to be friends with someone I'm still in love with? NO! Also it isn't fair to you. By being his friend you are going to meet and hear about new girls he's dating. He doesn't want to get back together so he is planning on seeing other girls. He wants to he just hasn't met one yet. Do you want to know about this? I wouldn't either, that's why it's best to disconnect with him and work on getting over him.
Author serendipity90 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I already am going to a concert with him on 20th Feb. We have a similar taste in music so I'll not only be losing my best friend and soul mate but a gig buddy too.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I already am going to a concert with him on 20th Feb. We have a similar taste in music so I'll not only be losing my best friend and soul mate but a gig buddy too. Do not go to this concert with him. You will wind up hurt that he still doesn't want to be with you. Exes usually can't really be friends so soon after a break-up, especially if one party didn't want to break up. This won't end well for you. To answer your question in your initial post, you can't make someone want to be with you. Take some space from him and give yourself time to emotionally detach.
Emilia Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Do not go to this concert with him. You will wind up hurt that he still doesn't want to be with you. Exes usually can't really be friends so soon after a break-up, especially if one party didn't want to break up. This won't end well for you. To answer your question in your initial post, you can't make someone want to be with you. Take some space from him and give yourself time to emotionally detach. She will learn 1
Robratory Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I want more but I suppose it's better to have him in my life as a friend then not at all. For now though I will continue seeing people. I like this guy I'm dating but I will always love my ex. Don't do that to yourself. He doesn't reciprocate your feelings, so you should wean yourself from him. And you can't be friends. For one thing, you'd be settling and you wouldn't even be an honest friend because you only accept friendship because you can't have more. Besides, what if one of you or both of you get into an actual relationship with someone? That someone isn't going to be cool with their sweetie having a close friend of the opposite sex. Hardly anybody is fine with that.
mortensorchid Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Your psychosis and autism aside, the way to get your ex back is to ignore him. Move on and find other things to do, and after a few weeks/months of silence, he might come back. And if he doesn't, then you're done and that's it. Sorry to be harsh but ... Facts are facts here.
preraph Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Look, mental illnesses set aside, to me it just sounds like he's not that romantically interested in you. Mental illness doesn't necessarily make sexual drive go away. He's dating others. He's saying "we can always have each other" as if you're a last resort. I'm brushing mental illness out of the equation and saying he's just not that attracted to you but loves you as a friend OR is codependent on you because maybe he doesn't have too many friends. Keep dating other people and don't let him interfere. It's selfish of him to do that and it doesn't mean he wants you. 2
stillafool Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I already am going to a concert with him on 20th Feb. We have a similar taste in music so I'll not only be losing my best friend and soul mate but a gig buddy too. Get a female best friend this way you won't have to worry about losing her. It's hard having a male best friend unless it is purely platonic. Wait until you have a fiance or husband before you make a male your best friend.
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