BC1980 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I would actually write back. I'd say this: Then block his ass. You know, I was thinking the same thing. Is he in a 12 Step Program? It just seems so odd that after 9 years, being married with kids, a person would begin to reach out to exes to make sure he is on good terms with them.
Neffer Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Its a lot of drama, and at the same time it reads like a weird form letter. He sounds as if guilt is his motivation; it only slightly involves you at all. ignore it. 1
candie13 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 If he felt that making contact & saying ´sorry' was important to him, fine on him. In my book, that RS closed 10 years ago, He got married & has children. The past should stay in The past, especially if you've made peace with it. Did you make peace with it? Personally, I'm all for getting my own closure & Letting the dead sleep & looking forward, not backward. I mean... If his wife or kids saw your message exchange, what Will them think? And, in the greater scheme of things, does this message change anything, Will responding to him make you feel better/ give you closure ? You can only receive as much as you give... Your RS took place à loooooooong long time ago. You both evolved since then. I am all up for closure with The past & confessing / admitting your past sins, but this dude is doing none of that. He seems to be getting bored in his marriage & hoping for some "innocent" thrills by contacting exes from the past. Just responding to him will give him an ego boost. Some men get reaaaaaly bored in their safe & predictable marriages. My advice: let the past be the past & ground yourself firmly in today. I would feel stupid if I replied and his wife discovered It. What do I have to talk about with a married man about smth that happened 9 years ago ? Apologies to be crass, looks like an excuse to get back in contact with you. Ignore, you have nothing to gain and everything to lose from this one. 1
Samhain Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 It's not even like this philosophical awakening he has had is exclusive to you. He has reached out to all of his exes, so I don't think you have to respond in any way at all. Reaching out to every ex partner a person has ever had, while being married with children is strange to say the least. You said you were only recently feeling that you were moving on in life from this relationship that ended 9 years ago. Let sleeping dogs lie and continue your own journey, no positive purpose would be served by replying. 1
Captivating Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Hi, I agree with Imajerk on this one. He might have reached out throughout the years in the hopes of reconciliation and you ignored him. Why? Now he is saying that he forgave you and in a way he would like you to own up to your flaws or at least acknowledge his e-mail. His tone is intentionally distant so he doesn't seem desperate. I can definitely feel the sadness in his words. The breakup happened in 2007 and both of you guys just starting to move on. It's 2016. You must still love each other.....I know, I am a hopeless romantic I would respond to his e-mail and make it very personal and warm. Why not? There is nothing to lose. 1
ExtraSpice Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 There is definitely some sadness in his words. And people don't seem to like his choice of words at all. Maybe because the message doesn't seem too personal, sounds rather formal or passive. But you said that that is just how he talks. Honestly regardless of his motivation for the message, the questions is whether you want to respond or not. I think it depends on what you are hoping for if you do or do not reply. If it has been years and he is looking for closure or whatever; maybe you emailing him saying all is good and in the past would help him then what is the harm in that. I would send a cordial reply, since he is married already I wouldn't go too deep in to it though. I don't think you are obligated to reply at all and if you think by replying it will trigger something that you do not want, then don't. 1
Samhain Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Hi, I agree with Imajerk on this one. He might have reached out throughout the years in the hopes of reconciliation and you ignored him. Why? Now he is saying that he forgave you and in a way he would like you to own up to your flaws or at least acknowledge his e-mail. His tone is intentionally distant so he doesn't seem desperate. I can definitely feel the sadness in his words. The breakup happened in 2007 and both of you guys just starting to move on. It's 2016. You must still love each other.....I know, I am a hopeless romantic I would respond to his e-mail and make it very personal and warm. Why not? There is nothing to lose. It probably wouldn't be hopelessly romantic for his wife to find out her husband had been exchanging messages with old girlfriends. Doesn't matter why she didn't respond over the years. The situation is what it is now. There is absolutely no reason to respond to the message, it's been 9 years, peoples egos should have long recovered by now. Stringing it out for a 10th year isn't fair on anybody involved, particularly newer relationships that have been formed since. 2
DarkHorizon Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 What started as a glass of wine and friendly banter among friends, quickly turned into a deep and intimate philosophical discussion about past relationships Besides, it is possible that he was drunk when he wrote that message to you, and might be praying that there will be no response on your part. No matter what, his message adds nothing to the current situation. Ignoring seems to be the wisest move at this point, for both of you AND his family.
Chi townD Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Sorry, I found his FB post to you boring as hell and, to be honest, rather generic and not heart felt. He probably cut and paste that to all of his Exs. Just ignore it. 1
Captivating Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 It probably wouldn't be hopelessly romantic for his wife to find out her husband had been exchanging messages with old girlfriends. Doesn't matter why she didn't respond over the years. The situation is what it is now. There is absolutely no reason to respond to the message, it's been 9 years, peoples egos should have long recovered by now. Stringing it out for a 10th year isn't fair on anybody involved, particularly newer relationships that have been formed since. Responding to her ex boyfriend's email is common courtesy not cheating. She loved this person once. Not responding is rude and disrespectful. Thinking that exchanging a couple of e-mails with an ex boyfriend will jeopardize a current relationship , is silly. I am happily married for 11 years, one of my best friend is an ex boyfriend from 24 years ago. No romantic feelings. No problems ! 2
Simon Phoenix Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Responding to her ex boyfriend's email is common courtesy not cheating. She loved this person once. Not responding is rude and disrespectful. Thinking that exchanging a couple of e-mails with an ex boyfriend will jeopardize a current relationship , is silly. I am happily married for 11 years, one of my best friend is an ex boyfriend from 24 years ago. No romantic feelings. No problems ! Common courtesy? That read like a 12 steps form letter. How is it on her to respond to that?
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