jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 when does the anger stage of grieving end? I've had actual dreams where I bump into him on the street and punch him in the eye and kick him in the groin until he's writhing around on the ground...meanwhile, I'm standing above him laughing the most evil laugh. Whenever I think about him and how he lied and betrayed me by cheating on me with that cow, all I want to do is clobber him senseless and make his life hell. I'd like to forget about him. Throw all memory of him in the garbage where it belongs. But these thoughts haunt me. When will they go away?
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Whenever I think about him and how he lied and betrayed me by cheating on me with that cow, all I want to do is clobber him senseless and make his life hell. These anger attacks can keep coming back for some time, but they become less severe and less frequent. Out of the blue yesterday, I had an angry moment at Juliet. After more than 5 months apart. Go figure. Keep yourself out of situations where you might act on your anger btw.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 8, 2005 Author Posted June 8, 2005 Ugh! Five months? Yuck. I am trying to keep the anger in check. But the problem is that I know some information about him, that if known by some others, would have the potential to ruin his career and the current relationship with the woman he cheated on me with. I get awfully close to revealing this, and then I decide to take the high road. But it's hard, because so much of me wants him to PAY for what he did to me and how he hated our innocent unborn child even as she/he was dying inside me. He's a pathetic excuse of a man, and I hate the idea that he can just pick up and move on without any consequence.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Ugh! Five months? Yuck. I know, it sucks. But the problem is that I know some information about him, that if known by some others, would have the potential to ruin his career and the current relationship with the woman he cheated on me with. Yeah, I could hurt Juliet by telling some of the things I know. But you have to ask yourself: what would it achieve? I hate the idea that he can just pick up and move on without any consequence. I know, I hate this too. But you know, people do face the consequences, sooner or later. Often they're facing the consequences and you don't know it.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 8, 2005 Author Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Yeah, I could hurt Juliet by telling some of the things I know. But you have to ask yourself: what would it achieve? Wouldn't it make you feel somewhat better...even if temporarily? Damm!t, this is such a struggle. Trying to contain the wrath, but coming very close to tearing him a new one.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Wouldn't it make you feel somewhat better...even if temporarily? Maybe, but I think in the longer term it would just perpetuate the bitterness. Forgiveness *is* a struggle, but I think it's the best way to be free of them.
Pepuchin Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Wouldn't it make you feel somewhat better...even if temporarily? Damm!t, this is such a struggle. Trying to contain the wrath, but coming very close to tearing him a new one. Did you think about counseling?
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by Jadey Its funny, Im not angry enough at my ex Just hurt. Me too. I'm not angry at her. Just heartbroken.
sunshinegirl Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Me too--it's been hard to muster up any anger toward my ex. In a twisted, sick way I've been jealous of people who had bad relationships because at least they have a mountain of ugly sh*t to trot out when they're trying to remember their ex's bad points!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jadey Its funny, Im not angry enough at my ex Just hurt. Anger came later for me. Here's an interesting quote "The sins of some are obvious, reaching the place of judgment ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them" (1 Tim 5). Sunshinegirl, you and I were both abandoned without warning. This gives you less to get angry about than if you're always fighting. But it's just as unkind. In fact, it's worse - honest, upfront disagreement is way better and cleaner than dishonest agreement followed by a sudden dump.
queenie01 Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 I agree, i am in the same boat where my bf broke up with me for no reason and without warning...it sucks. Im not angry at him tho, i wish him the best as i truly do feel he is a great guy, im heartbroken tho at the fact that he can just cut me out of his life like he did tho..it seems sort of non human to me. Now i just wish he would give me my things back so i can really move on, sometimes i just dont understand peoples motives..
sunshinegirl Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Great point, Romeo. I think I'll copy and paste that into my journal to reflect on... Back to Jen's original question: the anger could last awhile--or not! It's probably different for everyone. In my first serious relationship (which, all told lasted 3 years), it took me a few months to feel the first shred of anger at my ex...and then that anger lasted for 4-5 months! I had a lot to process, I guess, and I had turned my upset inward for so long that I needed a lot of time and space to properly redirect my ire toward him. But Romeo is right...forgiveness is ultimately the thing that will help you move on best. But it can't be forced. I tried to 'actively' forgive that first ex of mine, and it just wouldn't 'take'. But when I stopped trying so hard, I found that I was eventually able to let it go and get rid of my bitterness. I can now say, 2.5 years after the end of that relationship, that I've really forgiven him.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by sunshinegirl Great point, Romeo. I think I'll copy and paste that into my journal to reflect on... My pleasure!
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 My boyfriend dumped without any warning. In fact, it was just a few days after he took me out to a very fancy restaurant for our anniversary and gave me card in which he had written some very beautiful words expressing his love for me. So needless to say, my first emotion was pure devastation, followed by deep depression, then sadness. When I later found out that the reason he dumped me was because he was cheating on me, that is when the betrayal hit me really hard, and then quickly turned to anger. I still just want to smash his face in.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken My boyfriend dumped without any warning. In fact, it was just a few days after he took me out to a very fancy restaurant for our anniversary and gave me card in which he had written some very beautiful words expressing his love for me. There must be some website out there - "how to be a heartless bad boy/bitch and feel the full weight of karma come crashing down on you later in life". So needless to say, my first emotion was pure devastation, followed by deep depression, then sadness. When I later found out that the reason he dumped me was because he was cheating on me, that is when the betrayal hit me really hard, and then quickly turned to anger. Same progression of emotions here - although she wasn't cheating. But I still felt betrayed. I still just want to smash his face in. I've been there. It passes though.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo There must be some website out there - "how to be a heartless bad boy/bitch and feel the full weight of karma come crashing down on you later in life". I don't know if there's a website, but I do know that The Bible teaches "do unto others". There is some comfort in knowing that he will have to face God someday and will be accountable for his actions.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken I don't know if there's a website, but I do know that The Bible teaches "do unto others". There is some comfort in knowing that he will have to face God someday and will be accountable for his actions. Do Unto Others....that's all about KARMA. If you treat people badly it will come back to haunt you.
Pepuchin Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Same progression of emotions here - although she wasn't cheating. But I still felt betrayed. Same here I am very angry because I finally realized that she was using me.
westernxer Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken There is some comfort in knowing that he will have to face God someday and will be accountable for his actions. I bet you'd feel better if he faced your fist.
lindya Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I bet you'd feel better if he faced your fist.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 12, 2005 Author Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I bet you'd feel better if he faced your fist. Um yeah. You got that right!
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