Serious question

[solostand]

Well basically they ASKED me for help. Him first, then her.

 

I am getting a restraining order.

 

And he would be charged with theft, because all of the audio and pictures he stole from my computer.

 

But I'll just let the cops deal with it and seriously, I had no contact with any of them for the longest time, the better part of a year, then x-MM called to say someone had put up a fake facebook page (of him) and I figured out who did it (ex hubby) and made him take it down. Then he emailed nude pics of me to her, and again, he contacted me to tell me about it and she forwarded them to my email and asked me to make him stop.

[Silveron]

You had sex with this woman's husband for like 2 years and then you want to become her counselor?

 

 

 

 

Leave them alone! You seem to like the drama. You need to start working on yourself and find out what and how to achieve your long term goals. Continuing this soap opera is not good for anyone's interest.

[whichwayisup]

Well basically they ASKED me for help. Him first, then her.

 

I am getting a restraining order.

 

And he would be charged with theft, because all of the audio and pictures he stole from my computer.

 

But I'll just let the cops deal with it and seriously, I had no contact with any of them for the longest time, the better part of a year, then x-MM called to say someone had put up a fake facebook page (of him) and I figured out who did it (ex hubby) and made him take it down. Then he emailed nude pics of me to her, and again, he contacted me to tell me about it and she forwarded them to my email and asked me to make him stop.

 

You need to block them ALL from your phone (which I thought you did many months ago) or change your number. Make it IMPOSSIBLE for any of them to reach out to you. Besides, didn't you move far away from them all? Life goes on and Solo I hope 2016 is a year for you to LET GO of your past and that means EXMM and his whole family. Stop allowing yourself to get sucked back in.

[TX-SC]

Nope. You need zero contact with any of them.

[Mr. Lucky]

Then he emailed nude pics of me to her, and again, he contacted me to tell me about it and she forwarded them to my email and asked me to make him stop.

 

Do you see the rabbit hole you're going down? How would you make him stop, if anything he's more p*ssed at you than he is at them, when you've been NC with him since last August ???

 

That's why folks are speculating there's an agenda beyond a simple desire to help...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Whoknew30]

Sometimes we reap what we sow.

 

I have made mistakes in the past.

 

I think we all have made mistakes.

 

So next time before getting into an A with a married man, get your D first.

 

Have you ever been cheated on? Do you know how it feels?

 

Think about the your AP cheating on you with several other women. Would you be upset?

 

You ex will have these horrible feelings for the rest of his miserable life.

 

Sometimes you need to think about what you do to others before just your own selfish desires.

 

Not trying to be mean or hurtful, but you did make vows, too bad we treat each other like garbage. Did you ever care for your ex? Maybe not.

 

 

good luck in your choices in the future. Keep far away from your AP's family and find someone not in a relationship.

 

 

 

Its not her fault he's doing this. No one gets a pass to behave this way, saying a BS doesn't have control over themselves bc they were cheated on is no different than a WS saying they couldn't control themselves bc of a unhappy marriage. You can't make someone be unstable, that's already in them somewhere. Plenty of BS out there that don't use being cheated on to behave how ever they want.

 

OP, I wouldn't deal with any of it. You're dealing with your mistake & divorce. Let you ExMM deal with it. No longer your problem...& from the sound of it, thank god it's not.

[wmacbride]

Your story sounded unusual, so I took some time and read your back story, and some things don't add up.

 

One of the most glaring is that you say you moved far away and blocked him on social media, emails, your phone, etc. If this is the case, then how did your ex-mm wife manage to contact you? How did your ex-H ever get their contact information, especially her email and cellphone number?

 

In all honesty, I don't think you really want to be out of this at all. It sounds more like you enjoy the drama, and want to be able to hover on the fringes of their lives. You like the excitement of it all, as if you didn't, you could easily walk away, block all of them from your life, and move on. You have chosen not to do so, as of you had, you would never know about any of the contacts between your ex-husband and your ex-mm and his wife.

 

I would suggest that you be honest with yourself, admit that, on some level, you like all of this, and then get some therapy to find out why.

 

In the meantime, leave them alone. You have zero place in their lives.

[turnera]

I would send the two of them one final email and say "I'm sure you know by now that my ex is crazy. I regret what I've done to hurt your family and I regret that he's compounding it all. Please know that I am doing everything possible legal to keep him away from you and also that anything he says to you should be considered suspect and only meant to hurt."

[solostand]

Yes, I did block them all last summer, and I did move far away, and I did have no contact at all with any of them.

 

My cellphone (which was a work phone) later died and I was issued a new one, with a new number. MM just phoned work and got it. He was very upset because exhubby set up a fake facebook page under his name, and started putting recordings up etcetera.

 

In regards to her email and her cell number. He wasn't calling her cell number. He was calling their home number, which is in the book.

 

As to how he got her email, I have NO IDEA. I did not have her email, OR her cell number. Ex-MM phoned me from her cell after ex-husband sent nude pictures of me to her email, which I have no idea how he got. I texted the cell number to ask what was going on, he phoned me back to tell me, then she came on to explain. Then she forwarded me his emails to my email, which is how I now have her email.

 

I was able to get a restraining order (I mean, we're talking MY nude body here. Who knows who else he sent it to). I simply texted her yesterday and told her this. She said thank you.

 

As far as I'm concerned, that is the end of it with ex-MM. I will admit I feel bad for his wife that she had to be subjected to this. Some of the emails were very awful. (She did get a nice little shot in at me about a scar I have on my stomach which was visible in the pictures. I didn't take it personally, hell I deserve it.)

 

As for me and ex-hubby, well, that will all be determined by the courts.

[road]

Yes, I did block them all last summer, and I did move far away, and I did have no contact at all with any of them.

 

My cellphone (which was a work phone) later died and I was issued a new one, with a new number. MM just phoned work and got it. He was very upset because exhubby set up a fake facebook page under his name, and started putting recordings up etcetera.

 

In regards to her email and her cell number. He wasn't calling her cell number. He was calling their home number, which is in the book.

 

As to how he got her email, I have NO IDEA. I did not have her email, OR her cell number. Ex-MM phoned me from her cell after ex-husband sent nude pictures of me to her email, which I have no idea how he got. I texted the cell number to ask what was going on, he phoned me back to tell me, then she came on to explain. Then she forwarded me his emails to my email, which is how I now have her email.

 

I was able to get a restraining order (I mean, we're talking MY nude body here. Who knows who else he sent it to). I simply texted her yesterday and told her this. She said thank you.

 

As far as I'm concerned, that is the end of it with ex-MM. I will admit I feel bad for his wife that she had to be subjected to this. Some of the emails were very awful. (She did get a nice little shot in at me about a scar I have on my stomach which was visible in the pictures. I didn't take it personally, hell I deserve it.)

 

As for me and ex-hubby, well, that will all be determined by the courts.

 

 

Consequences.

 

 

All AP's bring it all on themselves. It is a roll of the dice to how much and how bad the consequences should be.

 

 

Your course of action was tell the OM and OMW what do you not understand about maintaining NC. I am sorry I entered your marriage. I am not the law or the courts. Your problem is with my ex-BH so contact the authorities and take the necessary legal action.

 

 

Then follow this same advice to see if legal action can be taken against your BH from posting things about you on the internet.

 

 

End of story. You go about your life. End of drama.

 

 

Though I think that your actions indicate that you are a drama queen for all the breaks in NC with your OM, OMW, ex-BH.

[MJJean]

 

Your course of action was tell the OM and OMW what do you not understand about maintaining NC.

 

Sorry, but exMM contacted her to let her know her exH was distributing nude photo's of her without her knowledge or consent. I think this is one of the rare occasions that it's ok to temporarily break NC.

[MissBee]

Unless she calls and asks you herself I don't think you should be in contact with her. Banging her husband about says it all. Let them take the appropriate actions against your husband or ex husband, you have no place in their marriage.

 

I agree.

 

What I recall from previous posts is that there has been a history of over-engagememt with the exMM and his wife. It seems you can never be done with it but always get sucked into it in one way or another, it's very strange. I also agree that therapy for all might be best in terms of knowing boundaries, when to let go etc.

 

The police have been called, leave it at that. You are not required to dig up old affair emails of nice things he said while screwing around behind her back.. Lmaooo.... Even saying this sounds hilarious to me. This cannot be a good idea solo. Her husband should be the one to try to soothe her and assure her about what he said or didn't, not his former mistress.

 

I would leave it alone and not do this. It's strange and likely counterproductive for all. Leave these people alone and have them leave you alone. Your ex husband, you are not his keeper and hurt or not he cannot stalk them. They don't need your permission to call the police on him, so let them also handle him without involving you, as you're not responsible for his behavior and cannot control him. I think this couple is best dealing with their own problems without you and I again second therapy to help tease out why there has been this weird dynamic of over-engaging.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Solo, sorry to read of your situation. Just wanted to know that while you were seperated from your husband for the first two years did you initiate divorce proceedings? When did you actually divorce your husband? Why is your husband so fixated on you? How long were you married and was your marriage ever 'good'?

Cheatimg on your spouse can cause all kinds of advetse reactions in them. Some seem to go into deep depression, some quietly suffer for years on end while presenting a normal face to the world, some are proactive and dump the cheating spouse on their a..while in rare cases a spouse behaves the eay yours is behaving. I wonder if you have ever pondered the magnitude of the damage and hurt you caused your husband? In a way this is your'Karma'. You hurt your husband and now he is hurting both you and your AP in the only way he can. He may be wrong and not justified but can you really blame him? I have read of ex spouses going on a rampage and shooting their ex's entire family. Such reactions are way over the top and not justifiable, but the fact is that passions once ignited can not be easily quelled. I guess your AP has learned a lesson from your ex husband that he is not going to forget in a hurry and must be cursing himself for ever getting involved with you. I guess you too, would have learnt your lesson which is'Do not cheat if you are married'. I hope things get resolved for you and you are able to live in peace in the future. Best wishes.

[road]

Sorry, but exMM contacted her to let her know her exH was distributing nude photo's of her without her knowledge or consent. I think this is one of the rare occasions that it's ok to temporarily break NC.

 

 

Was it OP's business to but in to their marriage and start an affair?

It is not the OMW business to but back into the OP's life.

 

 

As to photos: Never pose for a photo that you do not want to go public.

So when a woman poses she is implying consent for public distribution because she does not control or can lose control of the negs or prints .

 

 

It is called consequences.

 

 

OP, threw manure into the fan and now wants to complain that she is getting covered in manure. Again consequences.

 

 

It is not the OP's job to provide security and control NC for the OM and OMW from her ex-BH. It is the OP's job to demand NC from them and tell them if they have a problem with the ex-BH then get a lawyer and cops involved, if you break NC with me again with your problems I will take legal action against you, good day, then hang up.

 

 

Short simple to the point no drama queening.

[spiderowl]

I don't think it's a good idea. For one thing, they are things MM told you about his wife in private. He was betraying her at the time. For another, the things you might view as being 'nice' things about his wife, she might not view them in that way at all. She might find them offensive or think 'why did he not tell me these things instead of another woman?'

 

Your ex-husband appears to have lost it. Any of you could be in danger. Who knows? You betrayed him, MM invaded his marriage and MM's wife is refusing to go along with his accusations and weird behaviour.

 

I doubt he would go into counselling voluntarily if he thinks this kind of behaviour is OK. Maybe he would only get help if arrested, though it seems to be taking the courts time to understand that this kind of harassment and stalking isn't just a crime but that the perpetrators need psychiatric help.

Edited February 4, 2016 by spiderowl