leeroy1985 Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 I need advise on a little matter that i dont know how to handle! I have a girlfriend and she is amazing.... before i met her i had little or no confidence at all and now i feel more confident than ever because she always tells me that im gorgeous etc. The thing is that shes got a brilliant figure but she keeps putting herself down with comments like 'look at me.... fatty over here' or 'what do you see in me, im fat' and it really bugs me because she isnt fat and i want her to know that i love her no matter what anyway but even more i want her to see that shes not fat! She made me feel better about myself and i want to return the favour but how? Please help because i hate it and it annoys me! Shes not fat but how can i make her see herself from my point of view? All help appreaciated. Thanks, Lee
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Lee, Sounds like she's really got some insecurity issues going on. This may be something that she should talk to a counselor about. But as far as what you can do... it sounds like you're already doing all the right things. Perhaps you could figure out which beautiful celebrities she resembles, and tell her that she looks similar, if not more beautiful, than they do. Remind her that you fell in lust with her looks, but that you fell in love with WHO she is. And remind her that one day we all get old, and our looks fade and wither. But that when you're old, wrinkly and gray, that it is her that you want by her side...age spots and all.
Pendawn Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Well though I am without a perfect figure, I can empathise with her. My suggestions on how to make her feel great is to give her SPECIFIC compliments. eg don't just say "you look great, you are not fat." Say stuff like "Wow Your butt looks really cute in those jeans" or "I love the curve of your waist". Give her lots of specific compliments on whatever part of her body you like (don't focus it on just one part or she'll start to think you dislike the rest.) Also something really important to me, is to feel the guy's hands on all my body including the parts I hate. Stroke her butt and thighs and tummy, show you cherish every inch of her body perfect or imperfect. When she's being self-pitying about her figure, use the same techniques parents use for toddlers. Quietly and quickly reassure her then MOVE ON, don't spend a lot of time doing the reassuring and don't let her play on it and become too focussed on it. If she says she's fat or whatever, simply say "You're beautiful...now what movie will we see?" change the subject, give her a hug or kiss and show you mean what you say and shift the focus.
scarlyjones Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 How is she with other people? Does she do the same thing with them? It sounds like she is either very insecure,...or she is very vain and fishing for compliments. If shes just insecure, then it may be deeper than you can fix. I would do what you have been doing. Tell her shes beautiful. More importantly,...show her. Show her by holding her hand, or giving her affection. Maybe tell her how great a new skirt or pair of pants looks on her. That sort of thing. Now,...God forbid shes the "fishing for compliments" type. Because doing this would only feed her ego. But it sounds more like shes just insecure.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 You can fish for compliments without being vain, it's not black and white. I have been guilty of putting down my figure, but every woman does this at some point in their life (ie bad hair day, big butt, tummy bulge, flabby arms) even if there is nothing wrong. I don't know one woman who is 100% satisified with her looks 100% of her life. The one thing I don't like to hear is "I like you for WHO you are" or "It's what's on the inside" or things that don't tell me I'm sexy and beautiful....to me that says, "you're not beautiful but that's not important to me". Pendawn: Well though I am without a perfect figure, I can empathise with her. My suggestions on how to make her feel great is to give her SPECIFIC compliments. eg don't just say "you look great, you are not fat." Say stuff like "Wow Your butt looks really cute in those jeans" or "I love the curve of your waist". Give her lots of specific compliments on whatever part of her body you like (don't focus it on just one part or she'll start to think you dislike the rest.) The above is a nice approach as well.
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