Natalie8 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) The most recent guy -who im still hurt about- had no mention of children on his dating profile. He answered the question 'do you have children' with a 'no'. (POF profile). He spoke about his nephews and his love for them several times on our date. I work with kids so the topic came up a few times. He had no mention of his son . But he told me his surname so after the date i had a look at his fb. He has a son who is 8. Lives in the country where he is from( the other side of the world). He is here in Europe for 2 years on a visa. He is obviously not with the mother of the child and probably hasnt been in ages..no pics of them together. After i found out i was wondering if i had a right to be angry. Our date lasted for almost 24 hours. Way too long, i realise that now. I nearly slept with him. What is your take on this? At what point should guys who obviously have no custody of their kids, and live very far from them, tell a girl they go on a date with. Is it ok to lie on a dating site? Should he have told me b4 the date..or during? I dont know the details obviously. Going back on his timeline it looks like his whole family was very involved with the child for the first 5 years. It is obvious that even then they were not together ( he has convos with his aunties on his wall about the situation..not sure why these private convos are there). I know it is crazy that i went that far back on his timeline but this was after the date when i thought we would see each other again so i wanted to understand the child situation. I never told him that i knew. But i thought about this a lot. Why is he even here if he has a kid back home? What sort of man is he. He obviously loves his nephews..i could tell from the way he spoke. But no mention of this boy. I dont think he is a heartless deadbeat father and i have no knowledge of the custody laws in his country. According to a survey 1/3 of single fathers online lie about kids. I understand why they dont mention in their profile but i feel they should inform the women b4 the date. Or dont we have the right to know? Edited January 31, 2016 by Natalie8 1
soph-walker Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) Unacceptable. It's not like telling a white lie about your height or waist line. He's straight lied about this to you and I would be very curious as to know why a grown man would lie about having children. Not cool. I've dated a guy who fibbed about having a child, he also referred to his daughter as 'the child' and spoke about her as though she wasn't a real entity. Edited January 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote 4
CarrieT Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 My husband's Ex-wife did this to him. They were long-distance for a while and at first said she said she was raising a nephew and niece. Every time he visited her, she erased any evidence of children in her home. Then she confessed the kids were her's, but my husband was hooked. Then he got her pregnant (she told him her tubes were tied) and she confessed that she actually had four children, not two. At this point, my now-husband felt completely duped but "wanted to do the right thing" because of yet another child this woman was bringing into the world. That was almost 20 years ago and - although he loves his own kids (they ended up having three) - he says if he had to do it over again, he would have run, run, run away.... 1
Toodaloo Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Unacceptable. It's not like telling a white lie about your height or waist line. He's straight lied about this to you and I would be very curious as to know why a grown man would lie about having children. Not cool. I've dated a guy who fibbed about having a child, he also referred to his daughter as 'the child' and spoke about her as though she wasn't a real entity. Agreed. This is a MAJOR red flag to me. Don't bother with him. 1
losangelena Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Generally, lying about anything on an OLD profile has a way of biting you in the a$$. However, to lie about your kids, your own flesh and blood, to come off as potentially more appealing on a dating site? Nooooooope. Good bye! 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I find denying your children to be one of the worst things you can do. Unless it's to protect them in some way. Like "no, crazy insurgent, there's no child hiding in that crate on that transport. So don't bother looking." Other than that, forget this loser. 1
Author Natalie8 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Thanks for the responses. How do guys justify this to themselves? Do they think that because the child is not in their life then potential dates dont need to worry about the child taking up their time or coming between them? I understand that having a child would limit the potential matches single parents get on a dating site. My search criteria is 'no children' so this guy wouldnt have even come up in my search results. I imagine that is the reason why they initially dont put it on their profile. And then if they keep omiiting the fact that they have a child they just dig themselves a deep hole. The older i get the more likely that my target age group will include single fathers. Reading the survey results - that so many of them lie is really disheartening
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