Shotclock Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I'm a guy in my early forties and I am about a month away from being able to file for divorce. I understand when women read deprecated on s profile it can make them nervous. On my description of myself I wrote that soon I would be able to file for divorce just so they knew I wasn't just looking for a quick fix. Think this was a good idea?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I'm a guy in my early forties and I am about a month away from being able to file for divorce. I understand when women read deprecated on s profile it can make them nervous. On my description of myself I wrote that soon I would be able to file for divorce just so they knew I wasn't just looking for a quick fix. Think this was a good idea? I just hope you wrote "separated" instead of "deprecated." 4
MidwestUSA Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I just hope you wrote "separated" instead of "deprecated." Or defecated! But, OP, don't be surprised if many women aren't interested. Separated = still married. 5
TheArtist Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I have to say that I've dated women that are separated in the past and they've never been fully invested in the relationship because they essentially have 'unfinished business'. Good luck, but until you're single again, it's very hard to get anywhere. 6
dreamingoftigers Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Well, in some cases, "deprecated" is more accurate! 1
central Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 But, OP, don't be surprised if many women aren't interested. Separated = still married. Many women will still be interested even if you are separated - just not as many, of course. I never lacked for dates when I was separated, and I was always honest about my status. There IS a double standard that exists here - many separated women will date, but many won't date separated men, whereas separated men are less picky. Single or divorced women can make their own choice without it being a double standard. I think the key is to be honest - about everything. No one likes to be deceived, and lies often terminate what might have otherwise been a good relationship. 1
OldRover Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I'm a guy in my early forties and I am about a month away from being able to file for divorce. I understand when women read deprecated on s profile it can make them nervous. On my description of myself I wrote that soon I would be able to file for divorce just so they knew I wasn't just looking for a quick fix. Think this was a good idea? Shotclock, Sure, you'll turn a few women off, but being honest is more important, and who knows, you may find a lady that is in similar situation and you can help each other. Divorce is a miserable activity, time consuming, stressful and often unpredictable. You'll need all the help you can get. Go out and date, and take a positive attitude with you. You may meet some knockout great ladies that will have nothing to do with you... keep them in the back pocket until the divorce is finalized. You may find the perfect lady, that perhaps has been through this or understands it, and you end up with a great relationship. Odds get better after you get the final paper and put old things in the past. Good luck on that, you can benefit from going out.... do it.
mortensorchid Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I think you need to ask yourself why you are attempting to meet someone else when you are right on the edge of a divorce to begin with. Divorce is a horrible thing, I will not argue that. I've never been married but I have seen the nightmare it unfolds into for all parties from the outside. I would be wary about dragging someone into said situation or being someone dragged into the situation. Hold off until it's done then once you're living separately, then you can start looking. 4
OldRover Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I think it's crappy. Almost divorced? You haven't even filed yet. When the divorce is final then you can honestly say you're divorced. Until then, don't lie about it. You are married. State that. It's your truth. Why would you want more drama while you're married? It's likely to cause hurt feelings - I don't recommend it. Wait until you are divorced. That's an option, but he's NOT lying about it, and above board. There's absolutely no good reason to wait, if he has the inclination and time. And it's probably good for him. Being alone going thru divorce sucks, and he may find someone that can help (and perhaps he can help her, too). This is not the time to go back to mom.... find a new lady. And being honest like he is, puts everything on the table. It's not going to cause any more feelings that "just dating as single", and probably less, because he has a great honest attitude about it. Even if it is a little drama, it can be fun and take some of the pressure off the divorce.... and the new lady is NOT a heavy serious love at this point. I strongly recommend it. Some folks just do NOT like to be alone, and some do. His choice.
Author Shotclock Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Let me clarify, I'm in Alberta Canada. I am legally separated. That means all the bull**** has been handled. Money, property, kids etc. I could win the lottery and I would not have to give her any. This was done by the end of summer, Pretty quick considering I left the house in March. Being divorced just means you can get remarried again and the ex is no longer legally attached to you. I need to wait for march to file for divorce. So basically I was trying to tell people that I am legally separated or almost divorced so they wouldn't think I might go back. Would I date a separated woman. Yes. I was briefly dating one, things just didn't work out.
carhill Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 People in your dating pool will understand as most will also have been separated/divorced and know how it goes.
Ami1uwant Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 You said file gore divorce...not divorce is final. Some refuse yo date people not divorced.
edgygirl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I dated when I separated. It was a done deal unfortunately. Was I to be miserable and lonely for 1 year waiting for divorce to come through? As long as you're sincere about it, I see no harm. The only problem is that the truth is it takes a while (for you) to get over the whole thing, so be real about your expectations.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Let me clarify, I'm in Alberta Canada. I am legally separated. That means all the bull**** has been handled. Money, property, kids etc. I could win the lottery and I would not have to give her any. This was done by the end of summer, Pretty quick considering I left the house in March. Being divorced just means you can get remarried again and the ex is no longer legally attached to you. I need to wait for march to file for divorce. So basically I was trying to tell people that I am legally separated or almost divorced so they wouldn't think I might go back. Would I date a separated woman. Yes. I was briefly dating one, things just didn't work out. Ugh. I'm in Alberta too. Land of "forever divorces" I've seen them go back and forth years and years. It should really be six months separation, if they want to do that, not a year.
xcupid Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 In my book you're separated or single until divorce is filed. Divorce in your case is the legal formality to finalize. What you did is fine. Makes no difference if they're separated, divorced, or single - if someone isn't ready for a relationship it doesn't matter what label they put on it IMO.
Author Shotclock Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Is it of any advantage to say "divorce is waiting to be filed" or just leave it at separated?
OldRover Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Is it of any advantage to say "divorce is waiting to be filed" or just leave it at separated? You could try it either way, separated sounds better, but better yet, "I'm no longer committed and available",
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