Reitteg813 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Got a text from a girl I went on 4 dates with back in september and october. She ended things out of no where by just suddenly ignoring my texts. I'm 98% set on not giving her another chance. I'll respond and tell her no sorry too late, since I dont just ignore people and actually have some integrity and not a crappy person, but what would you guys do? First thing is that I wasnt much of a priority or of much concern if she didnt even feel that I deserved an explanation, shows the type of person she is, I'd look pretty weak and pathetic by taking someone back who suddenly left and now came back, letting her pop in and out whenever, and she'll probably just do it again. Thoughts.
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 It's one thing to say, I can't see you anymore or I need to end things, but it's another to ghost on someone....it's down right rude. She needs to learn some manners. Message her back and kindly decline. 1
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 To answer your question......hell no! Haha yup. Pretty sure I was doing the right thing. And yeah I would definitely respond and decline. I never ignore people like that, even if she did it first.
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Already texted back, "Nah, not interested." 1
cichlids Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) If you texted back "not interested" then why did you ask? By the way if it was me I'd give it another shot. I multiple dated a lot when I was single, and a few potential possibilities were left to the wayside as I pursued other options. When those didn't work out I sometimes went back to plan B or C. Nor reason why it couldn't work out if the timing was right. Maybe she was with a guy she thought was a better fit. He wasn't, you might have been. So what she didn't contact you again after dropping off the radar. 4 dates is nothing, she didn't owe you anything. Don't be so sensitive. You might have lost a good thing here, and for what reason? Edited January 31, 2016 by cichlids 1
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 If you texted back "not interested" then why did you ask? By the way if it was me I'd give it another shot. I multiple dated a lot when I was single, and a few potential possibilities were left to the wayside as I pursued other options. When those didn't work out I sometimes went back to plan B or C. Nor reason why it couldn't work out if the timing was right. Maybe she was with a guy she thought was a better fit. He wasn't, you might have been. So what she didn't contact you again after dropping off the radar. 4 dates is nothing, she didn't owe you anything. Don't be so sensitive. You might have lost a good thing here, and for what reason? No, people cant just wonder in and out of my life as they please. If she texted me and explained herself and ended things then yeah id probably give it a go. 5
deckard11 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Got a text from a girl I went on 4 dates with back in september and october. She ended things out of no where by just suddenly ignoring my texts. I'm 98% set on not giving her another chance. I'll respond and tell her no sorry too late, since I dont just ignore people and actually have some integrity and not a crappy person, but what would you guys do? First thing is that I wasnt much of a priority or of much concern if she didnt even feel that I deserved an explanation, shows the type of person she is, I'd look pretty weak and pathetic by taking someone back who suddenly left and now came back, letting her pop in and out whenever, and she'll probably just do it again. Thoughts. Don't bother with her dude. I hate it when people stop talking to others for no given reason. I think you are 100% right in the response you want to give her. At the end add a p.s. f off!
MidwestUSA Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 If you texted back "not interested" then why did you ask? By the way if it was me I'd give it another shot. I multiple dated a lot when I was single, and a few potential possibilities were left to the wayside as I pursued other options. When those didn't work out I sometimes went back to plan B or C. Nor reason why it couldn't work out if the timing was right. Maybe she was with a guy she thought was a better fit. He wasn't, you might have been. So what she didn't contact you again after dropping off the radar. 4 dates is nothing, she didn't owe you anything. Don't be so sensitive. You might have lost a good thing here, and for what reason? Not everyone is happy with being a fall back plan. Four dates is plenty for her to have at least let him know what was up, rather than ghosting. He'd be pretty desperate to even think he lost 'a good thing'. Are you a player? Good call, OP. 1
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Not everyone is happy with being a fall back plan. Four dates is plenty for her to have at least let him know what was up, rather than ghosting. He'd be pretty desperate to even think he lost 'a good thing'. Are you a player? Good call, OP. And if I were a fall back plan, like she went with another guy for a bit, realized it didnt work and thought maybe I was actually better, once she got over the other guy she'd probably walk away again. So basically a rebound 2
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) AI don't have an issue with people attempting to reconnect later if the timing, or whatever, wasn't right the first time..... HOWEVER, in this case, the fact she didn't even have courtesy to return your calls and simply tell you timing wasn't right.... and instead chose to ignore and ghost you is just rude and a reflection of poor character. Sure, no one *owes* anyone anything after four dates, but how about some common courtesy and consideration.... as opposed to just ignoring cause she didn't feel like dealing with it at the time. Again, rude and inconsiderate. So in this case, no second chance, OP you absolutely did the right thing! Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Maggie4 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Depends on how it ended. If he suddenly stopped replying, I might follow up with a few more messages. If those are ignored as well, then that's it. Sometimes I don't bother to follow up, then it's mutual ghosting and I'd be just as much to blame for losing contact. 1
FeelingFireworks Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Depends on how it ended. If he suddenly stopped replying, I might follow up with a few more messages. If those are ignored as well, then that's it. Sometimes I don't bother to follow up, then it's mutual ghosting and I'd be just as much to blame for losing contact. Personally, I don't see the point in follow-up texts in dating. When you feel you have to start doing that, there's already an imbalance of interest. Some may argue that the person lost their phone, fell sick, etc. Believe me, if they're interested, they'll seek you out after during/after the event. People use common friends, Google, Facebook, etc to get a hold of others with success all the time. Maybe she was with a guy she thought was a better fit. He wasn't, you might have been. So what she didn't contact you again after dropping off the radar. 4 dates is nothing, she didn't owe you anything. Don't be so sensitive. You might have lost a good thing here, and for what reason? Personally, I think ghosting is rude, although I do recognise some are accepting of the practice. To name a few, I think it tends to be people with few options, low self-esteem or those who are multi-dating and have low interest/investment/expectations for each date (hence probably do it themselves). It's not generally tolerated by people of high value or those who care about building solid/healthy relationships. It appears OP sees himself in the latter categories. So saying that, OP called it right for himself. To do otherwise would tell her what she did was OK with him. Some may not think she owes him anything after 4 dates, but then likewise he certainly doesn't owe her another chance.
Maggie4 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Personally, I don't see the point in follow-up texts in dating. When you feel you have to start doing that, there's already an imbalance of interest. Well, you may be right about the lack of interest. It has never happened to me that a guy I'm dating stops replying. So my answer was actually a hypothetical... what would I do if... And because I'd follow up with work contacts, I thought I'd do the same with dates, and at least have it on record that I made the attempt.
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