Lonelygirlinlove Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 My partner and I have been together 10 months and we live together. Lately our relationship has become strained. At the start of January we had an abortion something I didn't want but went through with it because it was the smart thing to do(not ready for a baby financially) my partner was lovely and supportive the first two weeks. He has been at his new job since just before end of last year so I understand it can be quite stressful starting a new job. The last 12 days his attitude has changed towards me, he is more snappy(I can't ask him questions without him getting angry) he is disconnecting himself from me emotionally/wanting to be alone but then getting angry if I leave him alone and talk to my girlfriend on the phone. I see how he reacts with his work colleagues he is always so happy and laughing but when I pick him up he has this expression on his face like he can't stand to be around me. When I bring it up he says there's nothing wrong and that he is just worried about work and doesn't want anything to interfere with his job. He still mentions that he wants to get married and have a family one day so it leaves me a little confused as to why he is treating me like he doesn't want to be with me. I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall.
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 well it's not looking good from my perspective. When someone does a 180, that usually means there is someone pulling them in that direction. There might be an interest in a female coworker. I'm just taking a guess, mind you BUT your post is a very common one....as soon as you mentioned "new job" that's when I go ah ha, seen this before. It's very telling that he hasn't been honest with you. If he is so stressed out about his job, then why is he full of smiles and laughing when he is going out the door at work? I always say go by their actions, not by their words...it's easy to tell lies or say what you want to hear. You are going to have to ask him some very frank questions, ones that he can't burrow himself out of.
Author Lonelygirlinlove Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 He has on two seperate occasions had females at his work try pick him up and ask him to come back to theirs. I appreciate his honesty by telling me this and trust him which says a lot(all my past relationships ended becaus I was cheated on) not once have I used this against him because he isn't any of my exes
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I'm not saying he is cheating, I'm saying he is getting emotionally attached. This would explain his hostility towards you, not wanting to be around you. You know the grass is greener syndrome. Either that or he is getting into drugs as a means to cope with things.
Author Lonelygirlinlove Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Well steroids could be a big contributor in his personality lately
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Well steroids could be a big contributor in his personality lately OMG duh! That **** is way bad. wtf didn't anyone learn that down the road you can get organ failure from it? The guys I knew back in the 80's that did it all have heart issues, and one had to have a kidney removed.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Well steroids could be a big contributor in his personality lately Oh dear... This has bad news written all over it. OP, is this really the type of guy you want?
losangelena Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Well steroids could be a big contributor in his personality lately Oof. Why is he taking them? When did he start? I would have serious hesitation dating someone who was on 'roids.
loveflower Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 He still mentions that he wants to get married and have a family one day so it leaves me a little confused as to why he is treating me like he doesn't want to be with me. I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall. yes...maybe just not with you? did he mention married or married with you?
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Wow. You two have been through so much in such an incredibly short time. He's overwhelmed & his head is spinning. As a result he's doing the polite things but this relationship may be overwhelming him & that is understandable. You are trying to keep together something that doesn't have a good foundation to begin with. You have to ask yourself why? IMO, you moved in together way too fast. You have only been together 10 months. At this point, you should be considering how to spend your 1st anniversary & maybe having a discussion about eventually living together. You went very fast to co-habitation. Then you got pregnant with a baby you admittedly can't afford so you made what you think was the best decision under the circumstances. I'm not judging; really. There are no easy answers to this. No matter how that turned out it was always an emotionally painful decision. I wish you the best as you work through that. But it's a tough spot & because you didn't really know your BF who you live with, you two didn't have the strongest foundation to deal with all of the emotional roller coaster stuff that comes from a pregnancy & its terminations. You two need to talk & by that I mean you need to get him to talk, really talk, open up about whatever fears & reservations he has, while you listen. If you get him to admit whatever is bothering him you can work together to build the foundation you currently lack. If he won't bare his soul to you there may be no hope.
Author Lonelygirlinlove Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Yes he has said he wants to marry me and have children in the future. We spoke last night and he basically said he feels smothered and would like to be able to have time to himself. I am more than happy to do that. I guess lately I have been a bit needy because of the pregnancy termination.
Author Lonelygirlinlove Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Oof. Why is he taking them? When did he start? I would have serious hesitation dating someone who was on 'roids. He has been them for 2 years.. He takes them because they give him God results in th gym.
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Yes he has said he wants to marry me and have children in the future. We spoke last night and he basically said he feels smothered and would like to be able to have time to himself. I am more than happy to do that. I guess lately I have been a bit needy because of the pregnancy termination. Makes a lot of sense. Give him some space but see if you can come to an agreement to start "dating" again . . . you know all the sweet stuff from the beginning before the realities of life invaded your relationship. Perhaps set up a romantic weekend for V-Day, no discussions of anything practical, just love, sex & romance.
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