Anyone who's abruptly lost their feelings towards someone? [update]

[qaz123]

My problem is EVERYTHING everywhere reminds me of her. I know I have to let go I just don't know how if that makes sense. I think the abrubt way she went from adoring me to dumping me and fast forwarding a relationship with an old ex f**ks with my head. I'm still dumbfounded. But I am trying.

 

Totally was my problem too but you have to push yourself and keep going there and you'll get better. There was this nice outdoor mall me and my ex walked through, held hands all the nice things and I love going there to walk around but my first time going out myself without her and seeing others together killed me... but I just keep going back to the mall and walking around and now it's not too bad, getting better. You just have to keep at it, time will heal you.

[FTM042014]

Well I joined this site awhile back and haven't posted in a long time but here it goes.

 

March 2015 I went on a date with a girl and we hit it off immediately. Led to a lightening speed, super serious relationship that lasted all of 2 months. During that time she spoke of long term commitment, family and all. She seemed head over heels, even met her mom. May 28th out of the blue she dumped me. Though it was only two months I fell hard and I've been devastated ever since. Particularly because I don't know why to this day. She said then that she didn't have "that giddy feeling anymore". I would go another 2 months trying to keep my distance but also get her back.

 

We briefly got back together in August. We were intimate. She said her feelings were still there as much as she wanted to believe we could have sex and not feel anything anymore. A week and a half later she texted me from her hometown down south to say she had bad news; she was "seeing" her ex from like 5 years ago again. Btw she never mentioned this dude once and she talked freely about her past relationships.

 

Fast forward 9 months and they're still together. He just moved up to the NE from the south to be closer to her.

 

Here's the issue: This woman talked about a future with me. She told me she hadn't felt this way in a long time. She wanted me with her as much as possible and spent all day everyday texting or talking to me. She told all of her friends how happy she was. Her mother was showing HER friends my picture and bragging about me. Even after she dumped me she wrote me to say we have something different and she hopes we find each other again some day. And then boom. Just like that she's gone. Feelings out the door and onto someone else 2 months later. Someone she had only just started communicating with again. When I reminded her of everything she said and did her response was, "that was before this person came into my life."

 

I feel like a piece of crap compared to him. Like she sees him as so much better than me. I don't know if she lied to me. Or played me for a fool and used me. That they're still together makes me think it was me. Now she's showing up and being a good person for him but she hurt me. And now he lives in my city with her so I have to deal with possibly running into them this summer.

 

I'm just so tired and worn out from this pain.

[SixxChick]

I'm just so tired and worn out from this pain.

 

Be glad that is was only a short amount of time. I got used too. You have to put it behind you and move on. That's all I have to say. That is all I am trying to do.

 

P.S. NC

[ExpatInItaly]

I can see why this was hurtful to you, OP. It sucks being left in the dust for someone else.

 

Having said that, given this was a 2-month relationship a year ago, I think you also need to consider why you're giving her and her boyfriend the ability to measure your self-esteem and self-worth. You should not be using them as a way to measure your value, which is what you effectively doing.

 

What are your strong points? What do you feel are you best characteristics? These are the areas to focus on, independently of any woman.

 

Also, in the future, be careful about getting wrapped up in the honeymoon phase. Don't rush into things headstrong, even if the other person seems eager. Pace yourself and give the other person time to demonstrate that they mean what they say about the future.

[SixxChick]

Pace yourself and give the other person time to demonstrate that they mean what they say about the future.

 

Perfect!!!

[FTM042014]

Having said that, given this was a 2-month relationship a year ago, I think you also need to consider why you're giving her and her boyfriend the ability to measure your self-esteem and self-worth. You should not be using them as a way to measure your value, which is what you effectively doing.

 

This is a key component, I know. She did such a good job of creating this cozy environment where it was just she and I and she was dialed in! Very intoxicating woman, beautiful with a southern accent lol. To have that taken away so abruptly without any warning signs was jarring. To lose her that fast was jarring. Some women have this Jekyll/Hyde like switch, man. She turned into a completely different person suddenly. On a Monday she was upset that I didn't want to spend another night and wanted to go home and chill before going back to work. By Thursday she didn't feel "giddy."

 

She made it seem like we had this unique strong connection so her being with him makes me think it was me that couldn't keep her around. He obviously is doing alright! How do you just drop someone after saying and doing those things and end up in love with another 2 months later?

 

Our last time communicating was February via email and she still maintained that we had something different and I was special to her but now she says she knew I wasn't for her. I'm pretty sure you make that determination BEFORE you get serious. I don't get it.

 

I know it seems like I'm an idiot for moving so fast with her and still being devastated. I thought that maybe I'd finally gotten lucky and this was truly one of those the stars have aligned situations.

[RocketQueen]

The worst thing we can do is try and make any sense of what is in someone elses head, its a flaw I think we all have, I know I do.

 

The days I have wasted on my Ex giving him headspace and justifying every questionable thing he has done with the thought 'but he said so and so'. I would believe what he said and feed excuses to myself for what he did.

 

Its like saying you're going on a diet/starting the gym...it means nothing without the actual physical effort.

 

Don't see yourself as worthless or less than the other guy. We can lose too much time wondering how we can be better for that person, what we did wrong but it is just that- lost time.

 

You wouldn't keep applying for a job that you didn't get, you would think it sucks and move on. try and apply that logic out there...there is something better and more suitable out there for you.

 

Good Luck! x

[ExpatInItaly]

This is a key component, I know. She did such a good job of creating this cozy environment where it was just she and I and she was dialed in! Very intoxicating woman, beautiful with a southern accent lol. To have that taken away so abruptly without any warning signs was jarring. To lose her that fast was jarring. Some women have this Jekyll/Hyde like switch, man. She turned into a completely different person suddenly. On a Monday she was upset that I didn't want to spend another night and wanted to go home and chill before going back to work. By Thursday she didn't feel "giddy."

 

She made it seem like we had this unique strong connection so her being with him makes me think it was me that couldn't keep her around. He obviously is doing alright! How do you just drop someone after saying and doing those things and end up in love with another 2 months later?

 

Our last time communicating was February via email and she still maintained that we had something different and I was special to her but now she says she knew I wasn't for her. I'm pretty sure you make that determination BEFORE you get serious. I don't get it.

 

I know it seems like I'm an idiot for moving so fast with her and still being devastated. I thought that maybe I'd finally gotten lucky and this was truly one of those the stars have aligned situations.

 

I'm actually a woman, but concur that some people have the Jekyll/Hyde switch. I've dated men who do, too.

 

The thing to remember is within 60 days it can't be very serious, because you don't really know each other. Talk is cheap; watch what people do and take things said within the honeymoon period with a grain of salt. They simply don't know you well enough yet to make big future plans, and it should be taken as a red flag if they do. usually such people are impulsive and looking to fill an emotional void; it's not usually about their desire to be with you personally. That's how she was able to seemingly flip-flop out of nowhere; her words weren't carrying a lot of true weight for her. I have learned that the hard way, unfortunately. it is so important to take your time getting to know the other person before making a serious commitment.

 

Also keep in mind her current boyfriend is someone she has history with, and if he meant something to her, that is probably the reason she didn't openly talk about him in the way she did other past flames. You have no idea how much of what she told you is true, or which details she was leaving out. Whatever you do, you need to stop assuming it's something you did wrong. It's not.

 

Also, may I ask who contacted whom in February? It is important to stay out of contact completely from now on.

[FTM042014]

The worst thing we can do is try and make any sense of what is in someone elses head, its a flaw I think we all have, I know I do.

 

The days I have wasted on my Ex giving him headspace and justifying every questionable thing he has done with the thought 'but he said so and so'. I would believe what he said and feed excuses to myself for what he did.

 

Its like saying you're going on a diet/starting the gym...it means nothing without the actual physical effort.

 

Don't see yourself as worthless or less than the other guy. We can lose too much time wondering how we can be better for that person, what we did wrong but it is just that- lost time.

 

You wouldn't keep applying for a job that you didn't get, you would think it sucks and move on. try and apply that logic out there...there is something better and more suitable out there for you.

 

Good Luck! x

 

I have an incessant need to figure out what's going on in her head. It's the worst.

[FTM042014]

I'm actually a woman, but concur that some people have the Jekyll/Hyde switch. I've dated men who do, too.

 

The thing to remember is within 60 days it can't be very serious, because you don't really know each other. Talk is cheap; watch what people do and take things said within the honeymoon period with a grain of salt. They simply don't know you well enough yet to make big future plans, and it should be taken as a red flag if they do. usually such people are impulsive and looking to fill an emotional void; it's not usually about their desire to be with you personally. That's how she was able to seemingly flip-flop out of nowhere; her words weren't carrying a lot of true weight for her. I have learned that the hard way, unfortunately. it is so important to take your time getting to know the other person before making a serious commitment.

 

Also keep in mind her current boyfriend is someone she has history with, and if he meant something to her, that is probably the reason she didn't openly talk about him in the way she did other past flames. You have no idea how much of what she told you is true, or which details she was leaving out. Whatever you do, you need to stop assuming it's something you did wrong. It's not.

 

Also, may I ask who contacted whom in February? It is important to stay out of contact completely from now on.

 

You make great points. Actually I'm filling in the blanks with him. All she told me at the time was that they met at diabetes camp when they were 10. So I honestly don't know if they were ever even together before. She did refer to him as an ex. And they lived in the same town about 5-6 years ago while she was in college so who knows.

 

I forgot to mention that one of the reasons she gave for dumping me at the time was she wasn't over the last guy she dated (totally different person). And this is a dude she seriously downplayed to me. So in a 6 month period or so she went from that guy to me to her current bf from diabetes camp.

 

I contacted her in February because I'm a weakling. But I have not even tried since then. I have however checked his FB and that's how I found out he just moved here to be with her. I'm deleting my FB soon.

[sorano]

you should read some of my threads on here. It happened to me as well. It sucks. It is one of the worst feelings to just get dumped out of nowhere, especially when they talk about family, show you wedding rings, promise you this, that, and a whole bunch of other things that MEAN A LOT TO YOU WHEN THEY TELL AND SHOW YOU. I don't have to explain. You know what I am talking about.

 

what I have learned from this. Be thankful it happened now. People that are never happy and can't make up there mind, will just end up hurting you deeper in the relationship. Imagine getting married and having kids? No thank you. We also blame ourselves. Its not your fault. situations like this, they have something going on and its best not to figure out what went wrong or try to tell yourself, well, if I did this, maybe it would turn out different and maybe I did something wrong. No. Time and patience will also heal all wounds. No contact. Now start to become a even better person, start healing, and when the time is right, go find yourself a even better person.

[FTM042014]

you should read some of my threads on here. It happened to me as well. It sucks. It is one of the worst feelings to just get dumped out of nowhere, especially when they talk about family, show you wedding rings, promise you this, that, and a whole bunch of other things that MEAN A LOT TO YOU WHEN THEY TELL AND SHOW YOU. I don't have to explain. You know what I am talking about.

 

what I have learned from this. Be thankful it happened now. People that are never happy and can't make up there mind, will just end up hurting you deeper in the relationship. Imagine getting married and having kids? No thank you. We also blame ourselves. Its not your fault. situations like this, they have something going on and its best not to figure out what went wrong or try to tell yourself, well, if I did this, maybe it would turn out different and maybe I did something wrong. No. Time and patience will also heal all wounds. No contact. Now start to become a even better person, start healing, and when the time is right, go find yourself a even better person.

 

I definitely blame myself. Even though I did absolutely nothing wrong. I can't stop thinking what makes her want him and not me. Maybe it is because they have a history that she didn't tell me about. I know it shouldn't matter. It just feels like all of the things she said she saw in and wanted with me are now being done with him. So what we had does not seem different like she claimed.

[Trinity_84]

Use this to recognize next time that a girl who speeds into it is a huge red flag. That comes from needing something rather than a desire to have a good relationship.

 

Words to live by!