aliveagain Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 With her history I would strongly suggest a very bullet proof post nuptial agreement as part of any reconciliation. If she can't agree to monogamy because of her poor boundaries perhaps a financial consequence will be more of a future deterrent.
thummper Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Well, HS, I hope for your sake that your lady doesn't come up with any other surprises in the future. Good luck on your reconciliation efforts, if that's what you really want to do.
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Every time things get tough she runs to another mans arms. This is not healthy and is a habit. What if you have an unrelated argument in the future? More cheating?
Chi townD Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Dude, I think you married a serial cheater. Being mad at someone doesn't justify cheating on them. You developed an addiction to deal with something that she did to you. And when you needed help and you needed support, she gets mad and uses that anger as an excuse to justify cheating on you AGAIN! Dude, you have no reason to trust her. And to be honest, I have a feeling it may be a lot more times than she telling you. If I were you, I would get checked out by a Doctor. 1
Spectre Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 If you were very much in love then she wouldn't of had a ONS back in 2013, would she of? Nor would she of ever cheated.
HereNorThere Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Serial cheaters can love and still get some on the side. The idea that she didn't love you is naïve at best. She loves you, just not enough to ever be faithful. Some personality types are capable of this and it confuses the hell out of the ones who aren't. Unfortunately, this just isn't going to work out for you. You don't have to spend the rest of your life wondering if she's going to cheat again because she already has. This is a part of who she is and she will always be this way. It's not your fault and there's nothing you can do about it. If you can handle being married to a serial cheater, stay and start using condoms. At least you don't have to wonder if she's going to be unfaithful. That uncertainty can drive a person nuts, but you have been spared. Also, it's not very wise to see any sort of faith based marriage counselor. For them, divorce is a sin, so they would much rather you stay with unfaithful wife regardless of how much hell she will put you through. Try to find a counselor or therapist that doesn't have an agenda like religion. You should also research co-dependency because it seems like you have a touch of it. Good luck. This is definitely one of those "would you rather be with devil you know or the devil you don't" type situations. You can either stay with a known serial cheater or start over. I think most healthy people would choose the latter. P.S. - Just leave the opiates out of this situation. That's a medical issue that should be handled by a professional if needed. It has absolutely nothing to do with your serial cheater.
Gigi2015 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Hello Everybody, This is my first post here so I'm just starting with my story. I'm married to my WW for 9 years now and we have two daughters together. About 6 years ago she confessed to an EA/PA that lasted about 4 months. Other guy was out of state so they had sex 6 times during his visits. We started reconciliation and worked really hard on it. During reconciliation I stupidly started to self medicate myself with painkillers and started down a dark path of addiction. In summer of 2013 my wife found out about my problem. Not wanting to tell her the reason why I got into this mess in the first place (her affair) I just apologized and actually got off the drugs. Looking back at it now it was a huge mistake because my wife confessed to me last week that she had a ONS with one of her clients in October of 2013 after she found out about my drug problem. She justified it with being angry at me for spending a lot of money on pills while she was working and dealing with her problems. She now admitted that she made a huge mistake and that was in no way the right way to deal with this. We decided that we will give it another try. She has been really great and supporting ( she has been staying up with me all night holding me and praying for me when I'm crying. She owned up to everything telling me everything I want to know. she is working really hard on keeping me together. We noticed that our relationship and our love for each other has never been this strong before. We both are going to counseling and church together, praying a lot and just trying to make it through the day. I just want to ask you guys what you think about this situation? We both are very much in love at this point and want to make our marriage work. I just need some encouragement going forward. Thank you very much for reading through this long lost. You had an illegitimate response to a legitimate concern. Your addictive actions are about you not her...you need to find better coping mechanisms...this is about you not her cheating.
Cephalopod Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 You had an illegitimate response to a legitimate concern. Your addictive actions are about you not her...you need to find better coping mechanisms...this is about you not her cheating. That's pretty damn cold.
burnt Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 There are many sad stories that come on the infidelity and OW/OM forums. Yours in one of the unfortunate but hopeful ones. You cannot blame your wife for your drug addiction, but you MUST NOT forget how you went down that road. Remember that right after discovering her secrets, how quickly her actions affected you so severely that impaired your thinking. In a way, you have been given a wonderful chance to understand that exactly in the same way, while your wife cannot blame you for her ONS, how the shock of hearing your secret impaired her thinking also. No, I'm not approving 'blame-shifting'; what I am saying is you two have learned a great lesson, that should benefit you mutually. That you MUST communicate with each other about everything. There are many cheaters' behaviors that suggest 'once a cheater, always to be distrusted'. Your wife doesn't come across as that kind of a person. You two were tested by life, somehow survived, now keep going strong. TRUST that she has learned a lesson about the cheating; dont' question her past anymore, exactly in the same way, you want her to trust that you have learned a lesson about addiction and don't want her to question whether you can be trusted again. Yours is one of the good stories. Don't ruin it by casting doubts.
elaine567 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 After she found out about my drug use she went to work the next day. The guy invited her for a drink after work. She was mad and figured why not? So they went to a casino (we live in Vegas) for a drink. Well she got drunk and he ended up renting a room and that's where it happened. She told me what she doesn't understand she knew the whole time what she was doing was wrong but somehow she justified it with being angry at me. Seems a tad convenient that the very day she found out about your drug taking she got invited out by her client for a drink... 1
road Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Seems a tad convenient that the very day she found out about your drug taking she got invited out by her client for a drink... Not necessarily convenient. Just WW doing what they do. Blame shifting. Making it the BH's fault. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 You cannot blame your wife for your drug addiction, but you MUST NOT forget how you went down that road. Remember that right after discovering her secrets, how quickly her actions affected you so severely that impaired your thinking. In a way, you have been given a wonderful chance to understand that exactly in the same way, while your wife cannot blame you for her ONS, how the shock of hearing your secret impaired her thinking also. Seems backwards to me. Successful recovery, whether from infidelity or addiction, comes from understanding that the challenges, problems and disappointments in our lives can't dictate our choices, whether to cheat or to use. If they did, we'd all be in either rehab or divorce court. Without some real work by both partners, not much chance of success here. His wife has already proven that twice over... Mr. Lucky 1
Spectre Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Serial cheaters can love and still get some on the side. The idea that she didn't love you is naïve at best. She loves you, just not enough to ever be faithful. Some personality types are capable of this and it confuses the hell out of the ones who aren't. . Yeah and yet others would say thinking a chick could bang a bunch of other dudes behind your back and still love you is pretty much the definition of naive. This is an utterly twisted and warped definition of love, then. Like something twisted by evil dark magics. 1
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