xxoo Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 It's tough cause I am naturally a pretty independent person, have a dry sense of humor, and am not very girly (not saying I look like a man, but you get what I mean) He was attracted to these qualities, but now I'm aware I need to maybe put a little more effort into things that don't come naturally. My parents had a very happy marriage (still together), but they were not affectionate. Never saw them kiss or cuddle or say cutesy things to one another. They show their love through acts of service and are each other's best friend. And my dad is really jokey with my mom. I kinda wonder if this is why that stuff doesn't come naturally. It sounds like your relationship is moving in the direction of your parents, but you want more passion. Yes, that would require doing some things differently from your parents. WHat worked for them isn't working for you. 1
katiegrl Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 abby ...it appears you really miss the way he treated you when y'all first met. He was excited about you ...enthusiastic, passionate! You need that from him, you respond positively to that. So what changed? Have you changed? How are you different from the woman you were when he first met you? Have you taken him for granted? That he would continue behaving that way without anything *inspiring* him to do so anymore? Things to think about. 1
Satu Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 From an old journal of mine: 'Being in love' seems much, but is little. The long slow discipline of love, seems little, but is much. 1
carhill Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 I am almost to month three with a guy. The first few dates were absolutely incredible. Every date felt momentous. I'd leave his place with enormous butterflies and a few minutes later see he'd texted me about how much he likes me. How does that compare to your other dating and relationship experiences? Typical? Different? How do things go with you regarding loving relationships with friends and family? Now...it's normal. It's a relationship. Some nights aren't momentous. Some nights we don't have sex. Some nights are more boring than others. I know this is normal, but I am starting to feel really insecure. Do you trust yourself to love and be loved? Believe in yourself? Why or why not? You get a lot of confirmation in the beginning stages, but once that wears off you don't have anything to go by other than them not dumping you. It's hard to know he still wants me now that we've got comfort in the relationship. He's still showing up, as are you, so that separates the both of you from the billions of others who are of no concern. What do you want to confirm things? We had a small disagreement yesterday and my instinct was to storm out of his place while he was sleeping so he'd wake up alone. It made no sense. I tried not to be irrational and stayed there and he woke up and cuddled me, but we didn't have sex. I think, "Well maybe if I put EXTRA into how I look today he will like me more." I don't know. I feel the confident self I was in the beginning is disappearing and that alone will turn him off. It's normal and healthy to have some disagreements with a spouse or partner. Expect it. How you handle them is up to you. It sounds like your first instinct was to flee. Would you say that's customary or specific to this relationship? IMO, if you've had this issue in past relationships and often enough for it to find common ground between relationships, I'd suggest examining your attachment style. If anomalous, meaning this is something new for you, then focus in on the relationship itself. Your instinct to flee may be a canary about things which aren't obvious to we observers. If you've not done so already, reading that book on love languages might be of help as well. People can feel love but 'miss' in how they communicate it to their partner and an otherwise loving relationship can go sideways simply because they're not communicating in the same love language, or appropriately translating the languages expressed. Personally, I think you can get past this hump. Sure, some solutions are risks but relationships are risks and you decide if the risk is worth the reward. 1
kgcolonel Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Abby Just give him some feedback. He needs to know what you like and who better to teach him.
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