doeblin Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 So this is basically one of those silly mixed signals threads, and I guess I'm moving on to the next one, but I'd like to hear your read of the situation, because I'm gonna run into her occasionally. I've known this girl a couple of years, I felt some chemistry, but since she had a BF I made no moves. Few months ago I hear from someone they broke up. I don't like to be the rebound, but my trigger finger was itching. Here's most of our interactions for the past couple of months: We've been talking about my travels, and she said I should send some pics of the places I've been. I thought she was just being polite, but a week later she messaged me that she was expecting those pics. So I've sent them. Couple of weeks later I was at a concert, and she messaged me on FB, whether am I at the concert. She guessed right. Now, I don't know about most people, but I don't check FB while I'm out, so I didn't see the msg and we missed each other. I kinda forgot about her for a few weeks, then I asked her if she wants to hang out with us on a Friday night. She said maybe. Then on Friday night she called me twice sent me a text where she's at, but in the end we missed each other again. And at this point I thought, hmm she is keen to see me. So a couple of days later I pick up the phone, call her, and tell her the two of us should grab a drink on Thursday. She said "Cool, but let me get back to you." Sure enough, on Thursday she flaked, but told me next week would be hundred times better. So next Monday I call her, no answer. I call her again on Tuesday, no answer, so I texted her, "we should get that drink, Thursday works?" No answer for hours, and I'm starting to feel like a schmuck. Later she answered me "OMG I'm sooo busy, Thursday's not good, because I'm out of town, Friday's better" Friday it is then. So on Thursday I text her the time and place for the next day, but she doesn't confirm, no answer. So I made other plans for Friday evening, and sure enough she texts me on Friday evening that she's back in town, and we could get that drink. I told her I'm with friends, but she could join. No answer. (I mean, if she really wanted to meet one on one, she should've confirmed in time.) So at this point I'm starting to feel like a schmuck who is chasing her, even tho I feel she was nudging me to make a move. Is she even interested? Am I a goose-chasing doofus? What do you think?
lilmissjava Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Am I a goose-chasing doofus? Yes! Don't look back, she's obviously an attention seeker, you're giving her that thrill. Stop it.
FeelingFireworks Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Basically it all comes back to that well worn out but oh so true saying - that interested people act interested. IMO, I suspect she has other plans (could be work, friends or potential romantic interests...aka something she classes as more important than you at this time unfortunately). That means you'll get a last minute cancellation or response while she waits for the other things to materialise. Doesn't mean she doesn't like you or is intentionally getting you to chase. Simply that she's considering herself over you whether that be subconsciously or consciously. The bottom line is really not to pore over why she's acting like that, but how it makes YOU feel. Clearly it's becoming a pattern now and you're not happy. Its up to you ultimately what the best outcome you think could be achieved from this. That will shape how you choose to respond.
Author doeblin Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Of course, I'm not gonna dwell on it, there are plenty of girls. It's just that this was not the usual flake with vague excuses, because she did give me counteroffers. So I thought maybe... maybe it was just unfortunate timing with finals and all. In the end though, it's very much true that "interested people act interested".
Author doeblin Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Sure, I'm moving on, I'm not that hung up on flakes, there are always, always other girls. (As I say this often on LS to other people). The reason I made this thread, because we are, well not friends (not close), but... buddies, maybe? Friendly acquaintances with good vibrations. And I wanted to collect my thoughts, and ask you all if I've misread the situation, and was I making things weird by trying to meet one-on-one.
smudge21 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 The jury here says walk away, but if you kinda' feel you want to keep her close by (and we all know how hard it can be to let something go, even when we know we should) then maybe you can just leave it to her now. You've made all the effort and despite her contact, she's not really done much of anything. She knows how to contact you, so if she wants to see you, she's going to have to do it and make the effort. Meanwhile just carry on living. 1
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 OP ...lesson learned for next time. When a girl flakes on you more than once, excuses, whatevs, you don't keep calling them...chasing them. If she wants to get together ...she knows where to find you. Throw this one back. She stinks bad!
stillafool Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 She's not over her ex yet and is hoping they will get back together. She doesn't want to taint his goods in case he returns. Good luck!
Author doeblin Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) Thank you all, I concur. There are greener pastures. If she wants something, I expect some effort on her part. (Just want to add that she technically only flaked twice, and even then she gave me a counteroffer. Just not in time.) Anyway, next time I run into her, I'll just Be cool. Edited January 31, 2016 by doeblin
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Thank you all, I concur. There are greener pastures. If she wants something, I expect some effort on her part. (Just want to add that she technically only flaked twice, and even then she gave me a counteroffer. Just not in time.) Anyway, next time I run into her, I'll just Be cool. Great she gave you a counter -- let her contact you to confirm. Glad to hear you're moving on.
Ami1uwant Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I agree with a few others...she flaked a couple of times so don't bother anymore. Move on.
Author doeblin Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Hey ... I literally wrote in the first sentence of the first post that I'm moving on. I have other options, I've been seeing other girls. No biggie. The question was: did I misinterpret her change of communication with me after she broke up with the BF? I thought she wanted me to make a move. Or maybe she just wanted to be wanted. Or maybe I was presumptuous. It wouldn't matter, but we run into each other frequently.
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I'm going to be the nay sayer here. I don't think she flaked on you. I'm looking at it from her perspective....she called and texted you to meet up with no response. Sure you had legitimate excuses, BUT just think what it looked like on her end. She never said she would contact you at a certain time, she said she will get in touch....she did on Friday night when she got back in town. She never told you she would contact you on Thursday....she told you she would be busy, out of town. You made other plans on her, how do you think that looked to her? It's all a misunderstanding, misconception, jumping to conclusion, etc. I bet money on it she is thinking like you, that she is a schmuck and had been taken for a ride. 2
Author doeblin Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Yeah, I think we'd get the truth if we'd synthesize smackie's, stillafool's and Feelingfireworks' comments: she's not over her ex, therefore she's putting things ahead of her love life, but she's into me, but unsure about my position. (Even tho I think I was obvious... well, I didn't use the word "date" ...) I'm a bit perplexed so many people advised me to move on, when I made perfectly clear that I know that. I always explore my options. Anyone familiar with me on LS knows that I don't tolerate constant flakers. But she's not exactly that either (as smackie well understood). She had some legitimate excuses. And wanted to meet. I was asking more interpretation than plain advice.
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I say don't completely throw in the towel....if something happens it will happen, It's all about timing....but nothing wrong with keeping your options open as well until that door finally opens.
Author doeblin Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 So this is exactly why I made this thread: we were hanging out with friends, and this girl joined us, and I felt she was a bit awkward around me, which was unusual. I myself decided to pretend like none of this flake-no flake thing happened, so I made no comment on it. The thing is, if she was not attracted, she should've been relieved I'm moving on quickly, right? However if she was attracted, then she should've been more affectionate, right? I couldn't read her, aside from discerning her awkwardness.
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