Mckarsafra Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Hi everyone. All of the sexual relationships I've had the last five or six years have been with girls I met online. After a break up recently I went back to the online dating world, and it seems to be pretty slim pickings right now. Most of the women I've encountered are not well-balanced or not very attractive. It made me think about how I've been using online dating as a crutch because I am not comfortable approaching women in real life. I'm afraid that I'll run out of things to say, or they won't find me interesting, or they already have a boyfriend. I think I could be meeting higher quality women and more of them if I could approach girls in public. I go to lectures and events a lot, and I have hobbies where there are always lots of girls. I'm missing so many opportunities every day because I'm afraid to approach. I know I need to approach, and that's the way it is for guys, but I can't do it. I don't want to be like this anymore. I look at my approach anxiety almost as an illness. How can I get better? What can I do to change this?
Stereotypical11 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 First and foremost always be yourself. But one way to look at it is watch people see how guys interact with women. Women pick up on body language so be confident and open. Women like men who seem to be surrounded by women it makes them curious they want what that women has. Don't think about what you're doing just do it the worst they can say is no take this from a women in twenties even if she says no you've probably still made her day because she will be flattered you picked her out of everyone in the room. A guy who can make you laugh is always a good start, don't worry if you mess up because there will always be another female to talk to and the one you are meant to be with won't care about looks or personality she will just know. I hope this helps
AMJ Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Maybe start out slower than actually approaching a woman. If you see someone you want to talk to, watch her a little bit to figure out what she's like. Try to make eye contact and casually smile- like, not a big, huge, over-the-top smile. If she smiles back, you'll feel less afraid of talking to her?
doeblin Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 How can I get better? What can I do to change this? You should treat this the same way people treat other anxieties. You should check every negative thought you have about approaching, and forcibly refuse it, and change it for something positive. eg. "She's gonna hate me!" and change it to "She might like me. Even if she doesn't, it's no big deal. There are plenty of girls". This will take work.Exposure therapy. In other words you should force yourself to approach as many women as you physically can. After a while, you'll get used to it, and it will be no big deal. 1
Qboro90 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Approaching women in public is something you're only going to get better at if you do and continue to do. It's also beneficial for you to understand and go into it knowing and in the back of your mind even expecting the girl to not respond to your advances and have it be successful. This is true even if you do everything perfectly and as cool as possible. Most girls just won't hand out their numbers to a guy they just meet, so it's nothing against you. Don't let it bruise your ego and prevent you from trying and trying again. It's trial and error. Find out what opening comments work best and garner a reply. And re use those until you find something that garners a better reply and a conversation progression on her end. And I'm not saying think of corny pick up lines, those are nonsense. But a "hey... Can I offer you any help with those?" When you see a woman carrying multiple bags out of a grocery store is a great opportunity to seize if you can. Eye contact before you go in to talk is big too. Try to make eye contact with her first and see if her eyes linger once she sees you.. Even if it's just a split second. You'll get better at recognizing this once you see a girl look at you and she's not registering you're even there... From her looking at you and can tell she kept her eyes there longer than just being in her line of sight would. That split second can give you an opening. Give her a smile or half smile while she's looking at you. If you get a smile back... You're absolutely golden. Go in knowing that she's not repulsed by you otherwise she wouldn't have smiled. It's not as complicated as you might think really. But it's a game of failure for sure. You might get 20 "no's" before you get 1 yes. That's just how it is.
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