freddienonose Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Hey, look, I fell madly in love with a girl who slept with me the first night we kissed. And she had a boyfriend... Anyway, she left him for me and we fell in love and had a long relationship. For me it was always a problem, though, and damaged my trust. Not so much because she slept with me on the first 'date' but because she had a boyfriend when she did it. We broke up amid much mistrust in the end. I've also had a long relationship with another girl who slept with me on the first date and I had no such issues with her. It really depends on the people involved, the dynamic between them and circumstance. No two cases are the same. I know that he's the a**h*** if he's trying to take advantage, but just make sure that he's not trying to disrespect you. I certainly respected both girls and genuinely really liked them both and wanted to be with them. He's probably the same. By the way, can I ask for an explanation of this 'base' thing you Americans use. I've no idea what third even is...
clynn Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 In MY World: 1st base: Kissing 2nd base: Feeling up / Groping 3rd base: oral action HOME BASE - The Full Meal Deal But everyone has their own definitions. (I'm happy to hear from a guy who doesn't necessarily think she is trampy or easy just cuz she has an active libido).
noname Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by confused8er This whole dating thing is so crazy for women. if you sleep with a guy on a first date, you are a slut. If you sleep with him on a 5th date, you are a prude. It's a no win situation. you would be doing yourself a big favor by getting out of this mindset. your body is yours to do what you want with it. putting a date stamp on your sexual activity is robbing yourself of the self respect you deserve. you should have the confidence to know that if someone is interested enough in you, they will respect what you want to do with your body. even if you want to hold out for marriage, so be it...
Cecelius Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 It clearly matters to the OP what this guy thinks since she plans to go out with him again. You probably should not sleep with him on the second date. Odds are that he will think either less of you or will simply not regard it (dating you or sleeping with you) as that big a deal. No one respects anything that was too easily obtained. And its not a double standard; women dump men who hand over their hearts too easily all the time. It's what creates the "nice guy" issue.
confused8er Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Too late. I already slept with him on the 2nd date and the third date last night. He says he's not sleeping with anyone else and same goes for me. So we are in a sexual monogamous relationship. Does this type of thing usually lead to a relationship or does it is just a fling? Or does it just depends?
Mary3 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 So you are his official *booty call*. It takes no work for him to get his DNA released. You have made it easy for him. Someone he easily got sex from and until someone better comes along he will keep calling and having sex with you. I hope you are using protection I hope you know that its rare for these kind to last ... ( sometimes they do ).. Afterall if he wanted to know more about *you* than how you breasts felt, he could have waited until the day you were really ready. But since you are having sex you can't backtrack. For your next man in your life , you need to know you don't have to give him sex right away. You need to know thats your body. He needs to know you respect yourself and when the right time comes you will both get intimate. If having flings is cool with you then by all means have casual sex. If you wish to have a strong serious relationship , then make sure you are ready for the intimacy. No time frame on this, each is individual.
clynn Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 come on. . . . . you don't know if she is his booty call?!?!? They may just be two folks who have very lively libidos and enjoy indulging themselves in physical pleasures. And the relationship may OR may not last and it likely will have less to do with how willing she was to sleep with him than a bunch of other stuff. Don't go around feeling guilty, stupid or bad for enjoying yourself.
Cecelius Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 If he liked you as possible g/f material before, that probably hasn't changed. Depending on his outlook, he may be less intriged at this point, or have less urgency about it, since a fair amount of anticipation is gone. The more traditional he is, the more likely he is to see problems dating long term. Just because he put the moves on doesn't mean he's only in it for the short term. Only time will tell. Are you comfortable that he will assume that he will get it every time you get together?
confused8er Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Thank you all for your responses. It's so intriguing this idea of a booty call or not. I would think that if a guy is interested in you as a gf, whether you sleep with him on the first date or the 5th should not have much of an effect. And if he gets bored of you after having sex with you, at least you know right off the bat as opposed to wasting your time and emotions. I guess at this point, i am comfortable with having a sexual relationship.
Mary3 Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Definition of booty call : No strings , comes over for sex and then he looks at his watch and says " Oh I have to go "..... He would make no attempt to introduce you to his friends and family . He is affectionate only as a prelude to sex. Meaning the kisses and caresses are backed not by an affectionate gesture but rather as the first step of foreplay. There is nothing wrong with booty call as long as its okay with you. You can call it something else but its just a term for someone who is interested in having sex with you but not much further beyond that. Yes this can develop into a relationship. Time will tell. Being sexual human beings we all get put in this situation on what to do when that other person is getting sexually intimate with us and wants to proceed to the next step. How you handle it will be your own choice , in your own time. If your biggest concern was " Will this develop into anything because I had sex with him already ? " Well only you and he will know the answer to that as it progresses.
confused8er Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Originally posted by Mary3 Definition of booty call : No strings , comes over for sex and then he looks at his watch and says " Oh I have to go "..... He would make no attempt to introduce you to his friends and family . He is affectionate only as a prelude to sex. Meaning the kisses and caresses are backed not by an affectionate gesture but rather as the first step of foreplay. No, that is not what we have. We go out, have dinner, see a movie, etc. and then he spends the night and leaves the next morning. It's a bit early for the introduction of friends and family but there is no reluctance on his part to do so as far as I can tell. I don't think i would be comfortable with a booty call, f-buddy relationship, but i don't think this is it either.
Mary3 Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 I think time will tell if he is a F buddy or a FWB or a potential bf....hard to tell at this point. Do you guys have more than just sex going on ? Do you go to places you enjoy together ? Does he talk about a future with you ?
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