confused8er Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 I went out on a first date with this guy and I took him home with me. We didn't have sex, but we definitely made it to third base. I have another date with him this coming Friday and am struggling with the question of whether i should take him home. I'm worry that the first date set a bad precedent and i'm afraid sleeping with him too soon will make him not interest or make him think that I'm a slut. I've never brought a guy home ever so this is all new to me. What do you think I should do?
UltimateZen Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 The guy is pretty much expecting to go all the way this Friday. It is set in his mind. You are your own person; do what you think is right. From my point of view you have already let him to 3rd base after the 1st date; so he already thinks you are easy. This friday he is expecting to seal the deal; you are either going to let him, or you are going to ask that you slow things down if things start to heat up. Either way be safe.
tanbark813 Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 There are a bajillion posts on this site about when to sleep with someone. It basically boils down to: it depends on the people involved. There is no set timeframe in which sexual activity should be scheduled. Do whatever feels comfortable.
confused8er Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Urgh.. so what do I do? I'm afraid sleeping with him too early will ruin the whole thing (you know, the whole chase thing). What would you guys do if it was you and on the second date the girl says she wants to slow things down? What would you think? A tease?
crazy_grl Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 If you don't feel like you should, don't. Don't wait until you get into the moment to tell him that you think you should slow things down though. That'll be most likely to make you look like a tease (though I don't think you should worry about that). Find a way to work the fact that you think you've moved too fast into the conversation before you get into the heat of the moment. Maybe bring up and discuss what you each think is appropriate first, second, third, etc date behavior. That way he'll have a feel for how you normally act and that this was the first time you've done something like this and that now you're having doubts about whether you've moved too fast. Try not to make it too obvious that that's why you brought the subject up though.
Naive Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Well only you can tell yourself what to do. I can tell that you are not that comfortable around him or else you would not be posting here, right? If I were you I would make things clear with him. Let him know that even though you guys had some "fun" the other day it does not mean it will go further or it should go further. He is probably expecting it to go further but that does not mean it has to. It's up to you.
tanbark813 Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 I agree with crazy_grl. If you decide you want to take things slower, definitely bring it up earlier in the evening like at dinner or something. That's not being a tease, that's just being honest and upfront. If he's a decent guy he'll appreciate that. But yeah, if you wait until you're in your/his bedroom making out, dry humping the s*** out of each other, and then say that you want to cool things down, then yeah, you'll look like a tease.
Marshbear Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 I would say you're unsure so I wouldn't do it. Tell him you need more time to really decide what you want in this new relationship. If he wants to be with you he will wait. If not then you knew what he was all about... Peace...
mental_traveller Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Don't go as far this time. And say that you don't normally go that fast, but got carried away the first time because you think he's really hot. That way you flatter his ego *and* get him more interested in chasing you, and make it less likely he'll think you're easy.
reservoirdog1 Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Personally, I think you should talk to him in advance. You can even tell him what you told us, that you usually don't do things like that, that you were carried away because he's so (insert flattering adjective here), and that you don't want to rush things. But make it clear that you do want to see him on Friday, and that you need him to be just a little bit patient with you. If he gets all aloof and pissy after you tell him that, then you'll know that he really just wanted a quick lay and you've saved yourself a bunch of work and wondering. And if he still wants to get together on Friday, then that's a postive sign.
crazy_grl Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by reservoirdog1 Personally, I think you should talk to him in advance. You can even tell him what you told us, that you usually don't do things like that, that you were carried away because he's so (insert flattering adjective here), and that you don't want to rush things. But make it clear that you do want to see him on Friday, and that you need him to be just a little bit patient with you. If he gets all aloof and pissy after you tell him that, then you'll know that he really just wanted a quick lay and you've saved yourself a bunch of work and wondering. And if he still wants to get together on Friday, then that's a postive sign. Not a bad idea.
confused8er Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 So I went out with the guy last Friday and we ended up having sex. He left early the next morning to make a 9am meeting and I have not heard from him since. It's Monday. Should I call him or should I just chalk it up to him getting what he wanted from me and that's it? Or am I too impatient. Guys and gals, I need your opinion. Should you call someone back after spending such an intimate night with them?
Marshbear Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by confused8er So I went out with the guy last Friday and we ended up having sex. He left early the next morning to make a 9am meeting and I have not heard from him since. It's Monday. Should I call him or should I just chalk it up to him getting what he wanted from me and that's it? Or am I too impatient. Guys and gals, I need your opinion. Should you call someone back after spending such an intimate night with them? He'll call you when he wants another booty call. Just so you know....
blue16 Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear He'll call you when he wants another booty call. Just so you know.... I must say I agree with this. You've already blown it by sleeping with him he thinks you're easy. Now he's got his ego boost for scoring with a girl quickly and is probably moving on to the next one. And as Marshbear says, if he calls again he's using you for some quick action. I guess the best thing you can do now is 'play' hard to get...who knows what could happen if you play your cards right.
sarah12 Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 No you should not call him. If he really wants to see you, then he will call, but like the others said, it will be a booty call. Once you've given it up, you can't go backwards and take it back. Try and stick to your guns next time and wait a while to sleep with the guy if you aren't comfortable with it. I can't speak for them all, but I'd assume that most guys take sleeping with a girl on the first date as booty call girl.
clynn Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 hey, don't be too hard on yourself. It may or may not work out with this guy maybe because you got it on with him early on or maybe for many other reasons. Maybe it wasn't gonna go anywhere anyway and so at the end of the day, you got some action and so did he and there are worse things in the world than that. Also, I've got some very good friends who are married to men they slept with on the first date or even before a first date. Who knows?
clynn Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 oh yeah, and a really good friend who is married to a guy with whom she shared a very slow courtship. They have a very dull sex life. of course there are all sorts of example out there, many many.
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 i think he should have called. curious...did he call after he got home from the first date you two had? how long did he wait? i have to tell you something.... if a guy is turned on without even touching you...you haven't done the deed yet...ie if he has a hard on he'll call you...if it came from you....he'll call you asap and want to get together with you but don't give it to him go out on a scheduled date...let him get to know you don't mess around then if he sees you again and it happens again...he gets a hard-on and calls you again...he's attracted to you...and he will keep asking to go out with you because you give him something no one else is giving him....those kinds of things are rare...giving a man a hard on unintentionally is clear indicator of chemisty and a guy and you are nuts if you don't explore a possible relationshpi...but don;t have sex...make sure everything is ok, that you can be friends first if you can stand waiting that long i think that guy shoudl have called you because something intimate happened....but im gonna tell you something else...sex is holy....and you feel god's presence when you find the right one. that is a gift. i don't know how to explain it....but i think this is what they mean they say you'll know when you find the one...you don't have to have sex to know its true. that guy should have called you...if you sleep around and have no problem doing that then i would till you hear from him.... if its not comfortable for you to be sleeping around then i would call him and let him know you're not used to this and you feel ripped off or however you feel...even if you are the one who was initiating the advances to 3rd and 4th
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 if you want to be chased or romanced which is what i think you are wanting...then don't have sex have a great date getting to know each other...flirt like mad but dont' touch...flirt as in talk and complimene one another, make each other feel good, but don't get physical except to hug him at the end of the date really evaluate how you feel about him after the date has ended and pray about it... you should know how YOU feel...first before you think about how the guy feels. is the guy giving you good feelings about yourself/ do you feel happy a sense of peace or joy or happiness. did he insult you was he boring if you have negative feelings you shouldn't give a guy another chance. but if you had good feelings then you should explore it more if he asks to see you again to be chased is a slow process.... its not a whirlwind thing
confused8er Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Thank you all for your responses. He did call and I am seeing him again this week. I am uncertain whether this is a "booty call" or not, but I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. But i am going to try to not invest too much in this. This whole dating thing is so crazy for women. if you sleep with a guy on a first date, you are a slut. If you sleep with him on a 5th date, you are a prude. It's a no win situation.
blue16 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by confused8er This whole dating thing is so crazy for women. if you sleep with a guy on a first date, you are a slut. If you sleep with him on a 5th date, you are a prude. It's a no win situation. And if you sleep with him on the 3rd date, it's just perfect!
clynn Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 hey sweetie, you ARE perfect no matter what. Don't worry ... whether it works out or not don't let the did I or should I have slept with him whig you out too much. If you are having fun, go on, have fun. If he is using you just for sex then that makes him the jerk not you. And I'm sure he isn't. Does that mean it is a love that will last a lifetime? no. Doesn't mean that it isn't either. Have fun! Be safe!
HoneyWheat Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by confused8er Thank you all for your responses. He did call and I am seeing him again this week. I am uncertain whether this is a "booty call" or not, but I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. But i am going to try to not invest too much in this. This whole dating thing is so crazy for women. if you sleep with a guy on a first date, you are a slut. If you sleep with him on a 5th date, you are a prude. It's a no win situation. if he thinks like this then he's really not worth your time. you're too precious to be thought of as a slut or a prude. best to figure out how his mind works on sexuality topics.... if a man makes you feel bad about yourself he's not someone you would even want as a friend
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by confused8er This whole dating thing is so crazy for women. if you sleep with a guy on a first date, you are a slut. If you sleep with him on a 5th date, you are a prude. It's a no win situation. Don't worry about whether he thinks you're a slut or prude. Do what you think is right for you. If you don't feel like you want to have sex, don't. If you feel like you do, do. Don't do it based on a set number of dates or because you're afraid of losing him if you don't. Whatever you do, don't play games and be a cock tease like Honey suggested. If he's very bright, he'll catch on to that and chuck you like last week's garbage.
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat those kinds of things are rare...giving a man a hard on unintentionally is clear indicator of chemisty and a guy and you are nuts if you don't explore a possible relationshpih You're hilarious.
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