Sweetgirl28 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Ok, so a couple of days ago, I went out with another guy. From my point of view, it seemed to go well and I had a good time. I texted him an hour after we had parted ways to say I hoped he got home safe and that I had a good time. He responds the next day. I go on with my life for a couple of days without hearing from him - I didn't respond to his last text since it didn't contain a question. He responds almost immediately. We text back and forth a little but I fell asleep so I didn't see his last message until the next morning. I text him back around noon the next day. It took him 3 days to respond! Clearly, he is not interested. I just wonder why he texts back at all. After 24 hours, I usually give up expecting an answer. Is he just trying to be nice? Keeping me as an option?
smudge21 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Why do you close this door so quickly? I fail to see how he's not interested. As a guy, knowing when, what and how to text a girl is often a mine field of nerves and overhinking. There's that stupid idea that one should wait 3 days to text after the first date, but it's rubbish as you just prove it there that you think he's not interested. If I have a great first date (oh, how I wish) then I'd be keen and happy to text the next day but I would also feed off how the girl responds. Each person is different and if other guys were over keen doesn't mean this one isn't, he may just be unsure, wanting to see how you respond. You say you fell asleep and didn't reply to his last text, well how do you think he read that. I'd be looking at my phone for hours, taking the battery out, checking with the provider to see if it still works. Basically, don't presume the worse when the best may be around the corner. We men are just as nervous, confused, unsure and everything else as you girls when it comes to these dating rules. That said, yeah, he may not be interested, but from what you say, I think it's too little to judge it on just yet. 1
iphone_user1 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Texting is a nightmare, what has it done to all of us? Pick up the damn phone and call him. 5
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 Oh ok, thanks for the heads up. I did fall asleep but I texted him back around noon the next the day. Then, it took him 3 days to respond! I just find 3 days to text me back so long, especially since he didn't ask a question. He just responded to something I had said in my last text. I know he is currently on a trip abroad. He left this morning.
iphone_user1 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Oh ok, thanks for the heads up. I did fall asleep but I texted him back around noon the next the day. Then, it took him 3 days to respond! I just find 3 days to text me back so long, especially since he didn't ask a question. He just responded to something I had said in my last text. I know he is currently on a trip abroad. He left this morning. Since you both don't know each other so well, he probably thought you chose not to respond (even though you really fell asleep) and he went like "oh, well, I'll do the same to her". Stupid advices you find on the internet "If she takes 2 hours to reply, you must take 4 hours to reply back" LOL
phineas Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 texting is a two way street. When I am out there making an effort to date I usually have a few women initiating texts with me. So unless the woman who expects me to initiate all the time has a great personality, great job, smart, & hot guess which woman is going to get my attention? the one who doesn't make me work for her attention. Call it the lazy way to dating, but I don't believe getting a GF who is not afraid of communication should be all that difficult. Also, even the great personality, great job, smart, & hot women if interested will reach out to me in some passive manor to get on my radar after a week of me not contacting them if they are interested.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 Lol @ the internet advice! I totally agree. I am the type of woman that would respond whenever I read a message but the internet - and a couple of guys in the past - completely ruined that behavior for me. A few years ago, I was dating this really shy guy that always seemed awkward around me, but would always text me. Afterwards, he also came up with the whole "I don't want a relationship" excuse because I would always text him back "too fast" according to him. Also, the only reason he texted me every day was because he thought girls expected that from him. I think my final text to him was "I know your Asperger's is bothering you but you are talking complete BS here". I still laugh when I think about that. As for men, I had no idea they would go for the women that initiate contact. I became all paranoid about texting thanks to above mentioned guy.
phineas Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Lol @ the internet advice! I totally agree. I am the type of woman that would respond whenever I read a message but the internet - and a couple of guys in the past - completely ruined that behavior for me. A few years ago, I was dating this really shy guy that always seemed awkward around me, but would always text me. Afterwards, he also came up with the whole "I don't want a relationship" excuse because I would always text him back "too fast" according to him. Also, the only reason he texted me every day was because he thought girls expected that from him. I think my final text to him was "I know your Asperger's is bothering you but you are talking complete BS here". I still laugh when I think about that. As for men, I had no idea they would go for the women that initiate contact. I became all paranoid about texting thanks to above mentioned guy. That's BS. insta respond is fine as long as they aren't blowing up my phone with nonsense or complaining about their day. The woman who does not initiate would have to be a step above all the other women and I mean a step above. The kind of woman that can't go anywhere without dudes hitting on her left & right or her phone going off constantly from guys texting her looking to hook up. Even then, you don't text them much, you get them on the phone so you can ask them out.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 I agree. That's why I find 3 days to respond awfully long. Would you continue to reply to someone's texts if you weren't interested in meeting them?
phineas Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 I agree. That's why I find 3 days to respond awfully long. Would you continue to reply to someone's texts if you weren't interested in meeting them? As a guy I usually only text women for a little when initially getting to know them before I ask them out. it's a necessary evil of online dating and only for women I've never met in person. i'd stop responding to a woman if: 1. I asked her out and she gave a non-answer, didn't respond, changed the subject, waited forever then texted me something unrelated to going out or said "LJBF" 2. She flaked on me or cancelled and didn't try to reschedule. did he ask you out after 3 days?
Buddhist Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 I go on with my life for a couple of days without hearing from him - I didn't respond to his last text since it didn't contain a question. I text him back around noon the next day. It took him 3 days to respond! Clearly, he is not interested. I just wonder why he texts back at all. After 24 hours, I usually give up expecting an answer. Is he just trying to be nice? Keeping me as an option? Well if you took a couple of days to respond, or just failed to reply at all, why does he have to reply to your every text within 24hrs before you throw a tantrum? 1
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 No, he didn't ask me out. That's why I wonder he responded at all. We have met in person though. And I'm not throwing a tantrum. I just don't get it why you would respond if you're not interested.
Buddhist Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 And I'm not throwing a tantrum. I just don't get it why you would respond if you're not interested. You're assuming no interest just because he did exactly the same thing as you.
frus69 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 No, he didn't ask me out. That's why I wonder he responded at all. We have met in person though. And I'm not throwing a tantrum. I just don't get it why you would respond if you're not interested. Maybe he is moderately interested? Its still a very early stage he doesnt have to be crazy for you already or maybe he is not interested but don't want to be rude.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 I would find it very crappy if he just responded to be nice. Don't know how to tell for sure though
thecrucible Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 What was the content of his last text to you exactly? Do you know how long he is on holiday for? He may have gone on holiday and wasn't sure about your expectations about texting, or he might wait until he gets back. You could always say "hope you had a nice holiday" when he gets back or something? I don't know. I'm totally rubbish at texting and I'd be as confused as you if someone sent me a text which doesn't prompt a response. It makes you think they are trying to let you down easy or they are not very interested in talking to you.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 It was a reply to something I had mentioned in my last text. Like a comment on that. He never said how long he would be gone for so I have absolutely no idea. Anyway, I'm thinking about sending a message saying I don't like texting and whether he has been to place X yet - he is an expat in my country so he is quite new to this place. Not sure if that would be a good idea? At least there will be movement; either no reply at all or a reply saying what his deal is.
IronZ Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I didn't respond to his last text since it didn't contain a question. Look I totally understand the nonsense that is texting, but what you're doing here only contributes to the problem. A lot of girls I've talked to behave this same way. They won't text a man first or they won't respond unless they ask her something. Love is a two way street baby! And if you don't like foolin around with messages, just ask him on another date and set up a time, then only use it to check in with him a couple times a day to see how he's doing and so on. You don't need to put so much emphasis on text behavior.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 I don't put much value into texting anyway. I prefer in-person interactions but since he hasn't asked me out, I don't know what else to do than text. It's not like he is suggesting meeting up which confuses me so much! If I get a text from someone I don't like, I would politely tell them off or not respond at all, although I have become mature enough not to do the latter anymore.
frus69 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I don't put much value into texting anyway. I prefer in-person interactions but since he hasn't asked me out, I don't know what else to do than text. It's not like he is suggesting meeting up which confuses me so much! If I get a text from someone I don't like, I would politely tell them off or not respond at all, although I have become mature enough not to do the latter anymore. You are right he has to ask you out. In my personal experience they will ask you out within one week if they really like you. Otherwise it's moderate interest at best and that amount of interest is gonna fade away within few weeks anyway
Qboro90 Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Oh ok, thanks for the heads up. I did fall asleep but I texted him back around noon the next the day. Then, it took him 3 days to respond! I just find 3 days to text me back so long, especially since he didn't ask a question. He just responded to something I had said in my last text. I know he is currently on a trip abroad. He left this morning. You're not innocent in all this. You said you and him were texting back and forth and then you fell asleep and didn't respond to until the next day at noon. This guy could easily make the same argument you are and basing his texting communication off of what you're showing him. What if he put a post up here saying "I took this girl out on a date, thought we had a great time, she texted me after I dropped her off saying thanks and she had fun... Then I don't hear from her for a week... Finally I texted her, we were talking back and forth and then she just disappeared. I don't know if she was out or what but she didn't text me until 12 pm the day after... I don't think she's into me but I sent her another text after 3 days to give it another last shot. What do you guys think?" Does that illustrate how texting is a mental bomb that messes with people both ways at least? While you just dismiss your gap of responding to him because you "fell asleep" , he might think you just ghosted on him or aren't into him, so he's not initiating texts in order to reserve himself from coming off desperate or excessive. How many times have you heard people use the excuse "sorry I fell asleep, my bad for not getting back to you"...? Usually that's just bs for not wanting to talk anymore . I'm not saying that's you at all, but it's just seen that way a lot. So this guy might think you're giving him that line to say something bigger. Moral of the story? Don't overanalyze texting. If you are interested in seeing him again, hit him up and see what his plans are to do so... If you don't care about seeing him one way or another , then don't. Pretend texting doesn't exist and you live in 1960. What would you do?
Stage5Clinger Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I hate texting. I won't text a girl even if things are going well. If I do text with no intention of hanging out then it's because I think it's what she wants. I don't want to have a fake Aim informationless pointless waste of time conversation with somebody just to calm their insecurities. Furthermore I find women's text etiquette RUDE. You are not speaking with SIRI there is a human on the other end of that device. I feel like women get so attached to their phone they forget that part.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 I hate texting too, and I don't like those games that people play. I sent him a message asking if he has visited place x yet and if he wants to go. Hit or miss. If he replies out of politeness, I would be very pissed.
IronZ Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I don't put much value into texting anyway. I prefer in-person interactions but since he hasn't asked me out, I don't know what else to do than text. It's not like he is suggesting meeting up which confuses me so much! If I get a text from someone I don't like, I would politely tell them off or not respond at all, although I have become mature enough not to do the latter anymore. Again, you're falling on old tropes about romance. It's 2016. If you liked this guy then don't wait for him to make the first move. Pick up your phone and either call him or text him asking if he's interested in going out again. Personally I would be totally cool with a woman I went out with asking me on a second date. Go for it. Worse case is he won't respond or he'll say no. Then you can move on.
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