Why does she do that?

January 30, 2016

Hey, guys.

I'll try to keep it short. Let's begin with that we're same age (1993) and we were together for 3 years.

In February it will be a year after she broke up with me. She lives in a different country. We haven't spoken since April, except one time in December right before Christmas. I wrote to her to wish her have a good Christmas and New Year + in the same message I wished her happy birthday, since it was really close too.

She replied that it's nice of me and anyways how am I even doing? Also she said that my language got better (I wrote to her in her language, because I've been practicing it despite the breakup). I only replied that I'm doing the best I can and thanked. I didn't ask her about how she's doing and all. There wasn't more.

Also on December (earlier) she was in my country and while being her, she was posting on twitter stuff like "Even though I enjoy being here, it hurts so much at the same time" (She went to the city where we used to live in, to visit some friends and stay there for few days, I know it because a mutual friend of ours told me..), "Me? Forget? No.. I will never forget", "Let's not waste each others' time". But I didn't react anyhow. After she came back she's started to massively post some lyrics from songs that definitely were related to our relationship and breakup. I didn't react either. On new year's eve she tweeted "Just sitting here on my couch, waiting for the midnight to come, so I can just go to sleep.." then minute after midnight "****.". I really had to hold myself to not write to her at that point.

Few days ago she posted this "I still love you. But I have to admit that when I finally let you go, I started finding myself again. Even though that invisible bond between us still exists, I think it's better this way."

Which knocked me off my feet.

How can I be sure that it's directed to me? Of course I can't be 100% sure, but we do have mutual friends and one of them is my best friend, she's the kind of friend that would tell me things like "She's got somebody new, you can forget about her" etc. I don't think she had anyone after me.. Which is good and bad at the same time.

Now, I know you will all say to just get over her and all that stuff. I guess I'm looking for some kind of explanation, why would she do that after such a long time.. I mean, what's the point of posting such things on social media after such a long time. Could it be, she's had second thoughts or missed me or something? It's just like she's finished with me, but she can't finish it in herself.. And I feel that the longer it will continue, the more we both will go insane. I know and I'm not hoping for anything, but am I crazy to think that someday she may suddenly decide that she would want us back?

I probably also read too much about "The grass is greener on the other side syndrome" which from the beginning applied more than perfectly..

Someone calm me down.

Edited January 30, 2016 by xyz0123

January 30, 2016

People who use social media as a tool of describing what they are experiencing now are immature. Personally, I think that she tries to attract your attention. You didn't proceed talking to her not asking how she was doing. That makes her feel unsatisfied and she got her mind concentrated on you to reach out to her again. I can't say if she has feelings for you, but all I know is that the biggest pain is inside and if it is shown like this, it's just an attempt to attract people's attention.

January 30, 2016

I can't say if she has feelings for you, but all I know is that the biggest pain is inside and if it is shown like this, it's just an attempt to attract people's attention.

Funny you mentioned it, because she even posted "Hiding my feelings is my specialty" few days ago.

I don't know what this leads to because yeah.. it's been a year.. I would understand this kind of behavior after maybe 3-4 months, but this is just strange to me. I guess nothing's gonna happen in the nearest future since it's close to the date and all.. if anything will ever happen at all. I guess I will just keep not contacting and not acting interested, although I would really like to know, what's her purpose. I just don't like how some of those things she is posting look like it was me who broke up.. Also yeah the whole situation is quite funny, because she doesn't even have anyone on social media who would care about stuff she posts. It's like her only way to send words to me..

Maybe someday she'll have guts to write.. maybe not.. I don't know. The ball is on her side of the court. I hope she remembers that in April I told her that I can't love her as a friend only.. and that I can't keep in contact with her, but if she would ever consider me again, we will talk. Let's just stick to that..

January 30, 2016

]People who use social media as a tool of describing what they are experiencing now are immature. [/b]Personally' date=' I think that she tries to attract your attention. You didn't proceed talking to her not asking how she was doing. That makes her feel unsatisfied and she got her mind concentrated on you to reach out to her again. I can't say if she has feelings for you, but all I know is that the biggest pain is inside and [b']if it is shown like this, it's just an attempt to attract people's attentio[/b]n.

100% agree.

OP, try to ignore it. It's about her ego and her need for attention. I have a friend who is very similar. Every time she has boy trouble, she's posting sad song lyrics on FB, even when she's the one calling things off. For her, it's all about the attention she subsequently receives. From anyone. I suspect your ex is the same,

As the above poster said, this type of social media activity is - in my mind - an indication of immaturity.

January 30, 2016

Funny you mentioned it, because she even posted "Hiding my feelings is my specialty" few days ago.
I don't know what this leads to because yeah.. it's been a year.. I would understand this kind of behavior after maybe 3-4 months, but this is just strange to me. I guess nothing's gonna happen in the nearest future since it's close to the date and all.. if anything will ever happen at all. I guess I will just keep not contacting and not acting interested, although I would really like to know, what's her purpose. I just don't like how some of those things she is posting look like it was me who broke up.. Also yeah the whole situation is quite funny, because she doesn't even have anyone on social media who would care about stuff she posts. It's like her only way to send words to me..

Maybe someday she'll have guts to write.. maybe not.. I don't know. The ball is on her side of the court. I hope she remembers that in April I told her that I can't love her as a friend only.. and that I can't keep in contact with her, but if she would ever consider me again, we will talk. Let's just stick to that..

You really need to delete her off your social media. That way, if she really wants to talk to you, her only option is to actually contact you directly. She's taking the lazy approach to communication for the time being.

Then you'll know if she's actually trying to talk to you or not. And you won't sit there wondering what it all means.

January 30, 2016

You really need to delete her off your social media. That way, if she really wants to talk to you, her only option is to actually contact you directly. She's taking the lazy approach to communication for the time being.

Then you'll know if she's actually trying to talk to you or not. And you won't sit there wondering what it all means.

Thanks for the support. I think I'm in the state of healing where I'm not bothered much and it doesn't make a difference for me to read something on her social media or not. However, seeing any current picture of her, would hurt. Fortunately she doesn't post and I am not so stupid to go to her instagram or facebook.. But I get your point.

I'm actually glad I wrote that ^

January 31, 2016

Funny you mentioned it, because she even posted "Hiding my feelings is my specialty" few days ago.
I don't know what this leads to because yeah.. it's been a year.. I would understand this kind of behavior after maybe 3-4 months, but this is just strange to me. I guess nothing's gonna happen in the nearest future since it's close to the date and all.. if anything will ever happen at all. I guess I will just keep not contacting and not acting interested, although I would really like to know, what's her purpose. I just don't like how some of those things she is posting look like it was me who broke up.. Also yeah the whole situation is quite funny, because she doesn't even have anyone on social media who would care about stuff she posts. It's like her only way to send words to me..

Maybe someday she'll have guts to write.. maybe not.. I don't know. The ball is on her side of the court. I hope she remembers that in April I told her that I can't love her as a friend only.. and that I can't keep in contact with her, but if she would ever consider me again, we will talk. Let's just stick to that..

Good luck and be happy.

Edited January 31, 2016 by elly key
A typo

February 1, 2016

"We were something real but along the way we got lost in the swirl of fear and love."

She is messing up with me again.

I have a feeling that even if I would reach out to her, she would push me away. My friend was going through a similar situation.

I'm clueless.

February 1, 2016

Now, I know you will all say to just get over her and all that stuff. I guess I'm looking for some kind of explanation, why would she do that after such a long time..

Yes, that's exactly what we will say... get over and move on, because it IS of your best interest, and it is for your own good. We are all here to help each other. Now, as far as the explanations, reasons why she did this or that, honestly... it doesn't matter. Once the relationship is over, leave the questions and reasons behind, because they are nothing more than your ego still trying to hold on to something that is no longer there.

February 1, 2016

I accepted long ago that the relationship is over. But apparently she has second thoughts about it. That's why I bring this up and ask, if anyone else have had similar experience. I do know some people do get back together. But not about that. I guess all I'm hoping on here for are just some voices outside of my head, that would tell me that I'm alright.

February 1, 2016

You're alright. You have been living for a year without her. I don't think staying in contact is helping you though. To be constantly reminded of what two could have been, of what it was.. But it's not what it would be if you guys tried again. I know you care about her but she is toying with your emotions, it's really selfish and immature of her to tell you these things..

February 4, 2016

Guys.

There are new facts.

My best friend called me yesterday and she wasn't sure if I want hear it or not.. But I said that I want.. Apparently me ex has been writing to her since 3 days about how much she misses me and about how she though that she's gonna be alright, but she's not. She said that I'm the best thing that have ever happened to her and that she still sees us having a life together. And that she doesn't see herself with anyone else. She also confessed to her that she still loves me..

It made me feel really confused now. I have no idea what is going on. What does she really want. What's preventing her from writing to me.

But it's quite shocking to hear things like that after a year. And no contact since April..

I'm not sure what's gonna happen next.

February 4, 2016

xyz what is going to happen next is that you are going to delete your ex off of your social media and start to feel better.

Wow this one is attention seeking.

Go complete NO CONTACT. Tell your friends that she is Voldermort to you (s)he who shall not be named.

Jees gie yourself a break and get that leech out of your life before she sucks any more blood out of you.

February 4, 2016

But we've been in no contact since April. But Suddenly she's changed her mind? Noticed that the grass is not greener on the other side and apparently she would give it another shoot, but she doesn't know how?

I don't know myself, how it would happen.. But I don't hide that I would go for that.

Except back in April I stated it clearly that I don't want any sort of friendship with her.. that if she would ever consider that there is another chance for us, she can talk to me and I will be open..

But she doesn't talk to me. She goes to my bff to say all the things she could say to me.

I guess she knows what she's about.. She knows that my friend is gonna tell me and expects that I will contact her?

February 4, 2016

But we've been in no contact since April. But Suddenly she's changed her mind? Noticed that the grass is not greener on the other side and apparently she would give it another shoot, but she doesn't know how?
I don't know myself, how it would happen.. But I don't hide that I would go for that.
Except back in April I stated it clearly that I don't want any sort of friendship with her.. that if she would ever consider that there is another chance for us, she can talk to me and I will be open..
But she doesn't talk to me. She goes to my bff to say all the things she could say to me.
I guess she knows what she's about.. She knows that my friend is gonna tell me and expects that I will contact her?

I would ignore it all unless she contacts you herself and says those things to you.

To me, those words mean nothing unless they are coming to you from her directly. Before I told my mutual friends to stop talking to me about my ex, I had heard from them that the ex was struggling hard and missing me a lot, yet at that time I didn't hear from my ex, so there must have been a significant difference between what she told these friends and what she was actually feeling.

Eventually, the ex did reach out and tell me all those things directly, but in the end after we hung out for a bit, it was just revealed to me that she still felt pretty much the same as she did when we broke up - waste of my time, so just be very cautious in a situation like this.

February 4, 2016

But we've been in no contact since April. But Suddenly she's changed her mind? Noticed that the grass is not greener on the other side and apparently she would give it another shoot, but she doesn't know how?
I don't know myself, how it would happen.. But I don't hide that I would go for that.
Except back in April I stated it clearly that I don't want any sort of friendship with her.. that if she would ever consider that there is another chance for us, she can talk to me and I will be open..
But she doesn't talk to me. She goes to my bff to say all the things she could say to me.
I guess she knows what she's about.. She knows that my friend is gonna tell me and expects that I will contact her?

You have not been in no contact because if you had been you would have no clue about what she is posting on her social media walls and your friends would not be telling you what she is up to.

All you have done is make it harder on yourself and leave doors wide open for her to trample on you.

Close the door.

This girl has been single decided that no one else wants her so she may as well "make do" with you until someone better comes along.

Dude. Grow a pair and do not accept behaviour like this!

February 4, 2016

Thank you louxor.

Yes, one side of me is like "ok, let's write to her and see what she has to say" but the other tells me to wait more and see what will happen. I think I will just wait.

If there will be anything new and I'll need to spit it out, I will update.

I know that there's no answers to my problem and there's no quick fixes.. every case is individual. It's just feels good to read someone's strange view on my situation sometimes.

February 8, 2016

Something new happened today..

I was at work when out of the blue I get a text.. It was from my ex.. first time she tried to contact me directly since April. She asked if she were to be in my city at some point, if I would maybe want to take a walk with her or something.

I still haven't replied. I'm quite in a shock.

I know for sure that I want to reply, but I am not sure what I want to say.. I don't get my hopes up high.. even though she confessed to my best friend a week ago that she still loves me.. It's tricky, because I don't want friendship..

I have no idea.. I've never been in such situation before.

February 8, 2016

Guys.
There are new facts.

My best friend called me yesterday and she wasn't sure if I want hear it or not.. But I said that I want.. Apparently me ex has been writing to her since 3 days about how much she misses me and about how she though that she's gonna be alright, but she's not. She said that I'm the best thing that have ever happened to her and that she still sees us having a life together. And that she doesn't see herself with anyone else. She also confessed to her that she still loves me..

It made me feel really confused now. I have no idea what is going on. What does she really want. What's preventing her from writing to me.
But it's quite shocking to hear things like that after a year. And no contact since April..

I'm not sure what's gonna happen next.

What's your girlfriend going to say about this?

Here's the reality - she lives in a different country. You don't want to be with somone who's not close by and who needs a passport and to go through customs to see you.

Do what Toodaloo says, and send a message through your mutual friend to STOP IT.

February 8, 2016

SHE broke up with you. Do not forget that for a minute.

Most here will tell you that reconciliation with a dumper means a second dump down the road; it is just a matter of time, and then you are back to square one, but even more humiliated.

Still, it is obviously your call, now that she made a move. You've been wanting for this text message for a long time, so now the ball is in your court. If you really want to reply, remember your original position of not being friends... and just tell her exactly what you would expect from her this time. Personally, I think it is way too dangerous to take that path, and you will be walking straight into the lion's mouth, but since will reply anyway...

February 8, 2016

Go ahead and contact her if you think she's worth the hurt and pain your will be exposed to. Even if you hit a new low after this, maybe it is what you need to move on.

Also wait for her to open up before you do. Let her come to you.

February 8, 2016

I only replied to her that I guess it's possible that we could meet, although I struggle with time these days. I just asked when and for how long she plans to be here.

She replied that she wants to come in the middle of May and that she doesn't know the details, but she had to ask me, so I have a time to think about it before she orders tickets and so on.

So I've been basically told that she doesn't even have any other purpose of coming here. Apparently.

My friend told me some things yesterday too.. That she doesn't think that my ex would aim for a friendship. So it would be either something or nothing.

I guess I just have to wait, meet up and see what's going on.

I feel stable enough to do that. But what then.. That's a more complicated thing. Especially with things such as distance and all.

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Why does she do that?

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