Erik30 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 I also tend to overthink, but in this case your gut feeling was right so don't be too hard on yourself. There were probably already some things she said or had done in the past which eventually made you have those negative thoughts in your mind. You recognized the signs, sometimes you just know
Author leafguy Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 Thanks for the replies everyone. I really don't want to hold on to false hope and I am trying to fight that feeling. Its literally been an hour of sleep, an hour off, which I didn't think would happen for only 3 months. Smidge, thx for your input. I don't know what more I could have done and that is the only solace I have. I barely saw her the last couple weeks, but knew she was busy and I accepted that. And I think it is hardest when she felt I deserved better than she can offer, when I was told it wasnt the feelings, but the time. I dunno, it just feels like the right person but wrong time.
BluEyeL Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 I know sometimes we suffer more than we thought we should, for short lived relationships. I was broken up with at 3 months too and it took me 5 months to get over that. I would not hold on to any hope. Do what you need to do to move on. The main reason is that if someone breaks up with you, they're likely to do it again, even if they came back. You want someone who will always be clear and consistent with her feelings for you. If she has the heart to break up with you, no matter what the reason...she's just not that into you and you deserve better. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It is because in fact, she's not the right person and you'll see that clearly when you DO find the right person.
Author leafguy Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 Its funny, Whether it is 5 years of 3 months, the pain is the same. Not eating, not sleeping. But, knowing I have been here before, I don't feel as pessimistic about my chances of recovery. Blue Eye, I guess not the right person is correct because she would have made the time if she wanted to. I have no doubt she tried as hard as she could, and maybe 3 months, I am too attached. I am not sure. Still trying to sort out the pieces
katiegrl Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Its funny, Whether it is 5 years of 3 months, the pain is the same. Not eating, not sleeping. But, knowing I have been here before, I don't feel as pessimistic about my chances of recovery. Blue Eye, I guess not the right person is correct because she would have made the time if she wanted to. I have no doubt she tried as hard as she could, ***and maybe 3 months, I am too attached. ^^I agree with your assessment above, I sensed it after reading your very first post re your tendency to over-think. My guess is SHE sensed it too, even if you tried to hide....which may have added to her losing interest. My advice now would be take some time and introspect. Get to know yourself and the reasons why you become so anxious and too attached to the outcome ..... so early on. Whomever you date WILL sense this anxiety and attachment in you, which isn't attractive to most people. Use this experience as a lesson learned to take with you into your next relationship. Wish you the best going forward.
truth_seeker Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 I don't want to hang onto false hope...I really don't. But she basically said she needed time and space to figure things out. I didn't think a 3 month break up would leave me reeling, but after the dust has settled, I feel like throwing up and can't breathe. I do believe you are right Scarlett, as she is going away to friends this weekend, so I feel it was likely just a way of saying the relationship didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. That being said, I agree with you as well that despite the new career, she would make time if she cared for me that much. Man, I really feel for you. I hope you can get over this girl soon. In life you're gonna win some and you're gonna lose some. You may be on the losing end now... but, in due time, you're going to win when the right girl comes along.
Author leafguy Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 Thx Katie and Truth, It's tough because both her sisters have messaged calling her an idiot saying I was the right guy for her, and that maybe she was scared and overwhelmed. It is possible she sensed it as well, but I am not sure. I didn't really talk to her much or see her alot, so it would have been tough for her to find out. I think maybe a little from column A and B and perhaps C of scared, overwhelmed and needing to find herself. Who knows.
Author leafguy Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Ugh I am out with friends and feel like I am going to break down. I cant stop thinking about her. I have talked it out endlessly to accept it and I still feel the pit in my stomach. I ate for the first time in 30 hours...treated myself to some greasy pizza. Im three slices in and feeling not so well
thecrucible Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Aww lots of hugs. I know how you feel. Whenever I've broken up with someone, I've always lost my appetite. You've just got to take things a day at a time. Try and do one thing for yourself each day, plan an escape somewhere and start penciling in time with friends. And if you mention her when out with friends, tell them to punch you in the arm or something. hehe You'll want to talk about it for a while but they'll come a point when you decide to draw some kind of line under it and move on.
Author leafguy Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Ive got things all day tomorow which will hopefully give me a break. That being said im concerned when I go to do my course work thata where and when my mind will wander.
Author leafguy Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 For some reason I have had a harder time today thus far with everything despite being busier. My thoughts have constantly run to her and Im not sure how to get it to stop. I have eaten more today and felt a little better that way, but even my other tasks arent keeping my mind from wandering.
Author leafguy Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Sorry guys, But I need to vent. What I would not give for more than a few hours sleep without waking up with my chest in a vice. For some reason, today as a whole was far harder than yesterday. Maybe the reality of the situation has set in? I did not think 3 months would hurt as bad as it does. Maybe it is the reason where should told me I deserved far better than what she could give? Maybe it's the fact I was not fully ready for it? Either way I know I have been here before and come out of it. I just don't remember it being this hard even after the last one where she cheated on me after 5 years. Again everyone, sorry for venting, but I am just needing to get this out so I can try sleeping again.
Miss Peach Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Its funny, Whether it is 5 years of 3 months, the pain is the same. Not eating, not sleeping. But, knowing I have been here before, I don't feel as pessimistic about my chances of recovery. This is concerning to me OP. Yeah it sucks to feel rejected when you are hopeful of something working out. But feelings should be way stronger at 5 year than at 3 months. It sounds like to me you are putting way too much too soon and then when it fails you are taking the rejection personally. Something I've had to learn to do is think of things in terms of being a match. It will be or it won't. It doesn't have anything to do with me as a person. It has to do with how we line up. Another thing is that any healthy woman who senses this will be turned off by it. I suggest doing some things to shore up your self esteem. Then you will be more confident which will be more attractive to women. Reading Natalie Lue's blog helped me a lot with self esteem.
Author leafguy Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Hi Miss Peach, Thanks for your reply. I actually had this long talk last night with one of my very good friends, and he felt maybe the same. And I feel it is a very apt scenario. We hit things off so seriously and it hit so hard, so fast, that I think I got ahead in that line. I have never doubted her feelings, but as you said, lining up I maybe have been ahead looking back. Ultimately she needs to sort herself out, which again either taking it at face value that she wants to break up, or needs space, either or I need to use it wisely on myself regardless. This I understand...and haven't been in contact since it has happened. I actually feel a bit better right now, despite being still upset.
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