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How to tell him he sounds bad without ruining his confidence?

CuriousGirl94

By CuriousGirl94
in General Relationship Discussion

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The Poster Established Member

The Poster

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This is the kind of threads movies are made from. Guy falls in love. Decides to follow his dreams. Ends of struggling. Even those who love him doubt him. He perseveres. Works hard and improves. Becomes a star! Roll credits.

 

Seriously though. First of all, I agree with Jen. I don't believe this is controlling. If she flat out told him to stop because she doesn't like it, that's controlling. That's not what she's doing. She seems to have a good heart since she came here and started a thread asking for advice on how to handle the situation. Her heart is in the right place.

 

OP, this really isn't any different than a girl who hates sports being in a relationship with an athlete. You don't have to enjoy what he does, as long as you stick by and support him. Who knows, maybe it's just a phase. Maybe he becomes better at it, and maybe you learn to like it. If the relationship is strong otherwise and you really like him for who he is, let it play out and see where it goes.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Yeah, everybody thinks they're a rapper, just like everybody thought they were a punk rocker. The beauty of it is whether they have a good time doing it and get a small audience may not depend on their actual talent.

 

You need to stop discouraging him unless you're having a kid and he won't also take a full-time job to pay the rent. As long as it's something he likes and he's going it on the side while still working, applaud him. His audience will give him all the reality check he needs, and it won't take long. This is their job, not yours. You just make sure if you're building a future, he keeps a real job too.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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P.S. Dylan sounded bad. The talent isn't always in the voice.

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Anderlie Established Member

Anderlie

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I can kind of see OP not wanting him to do it if he gets a negative reaction and then takes it out on her - which is only speculation on my part at this point. He shouldn't be asking her to be all in, that's asking too much even if the OP did like the music. I play a sport I'm fairly obsessed with and my husband is distantly supportive and that's fine with me. He doesn't have to enjoy the sport, it's not about him.

 

OP I think at this stage you have to figure out a diplomatic way to offer support but remind your boyfriend that these things may or may not work out and he should be at most cautiously optimistic. He's allowed to be sad if it doesn't go well but he's not allowed to make life miserable for everyone. Go along, clap for him and put on a brave face for the outcome.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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This is one of those things where you're probably going to have to allow him to make that mistake on his own, as tough as it's going to be. As an autistic person who also likes peforming, my mum also would prevent me from doing something she didn't want me to do and when I didn't do it at her behest, I resented her for it at the time. This is one of those things where he'll resent you more if you convince him it's a bad idea. Trust me, even if he's bad at it, gotta let him go for it, as counterproductive as it seems. Sometimes the only way to learn is to occasionally make a fool of yourself :laugh:

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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This is one of those things where you're probably going to have to allow him to make that mistake on his own, as tough as it's going to be. As an autistic person who also likes peforming, my mum also would prevent me from doing something she didn't want me to do and when I didn't do it at her behest, I resented her for it at the time. This is one of those things where he'll resent you more if you convince him it's a bad idea. Trust me, even if he's bad at it, gotta let him go for it, as counterproductive as it seems. Sometimes the only way to learn is to occasionally make a fool of yourself :laugh:

 

^ The voice of experience - I can accept that. But what about OP's concern that her BF won't handle it well (in fact will be devastated) if it's not well-received? It sounds like he may have some esteem issues, which seems like it would make it more dicey to take the make-a-fool-of-yourself-and-laugh approach.

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

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Maybe other people like his rapping. I'm not sure if you're into that music or just not into him doing it.

 

Another thing...silence is very effective.

 

Let him continue doing his thing..you don't have to go to the club's with him do you?

 

If he asks outright..just say it's not really your kind of music.

Honesty is good.....but it's not required in this instance. If he's that bad I'm sure the crowd will let it be known.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Oh yeah, it's obviously a concern and I'm not surprised that it is. I have experienced the range - I've had rapturous applause and been booed off stage before so both ends of the spectrum. I always say to other musicians that you haven't lived until you've been booed off the stage at least once :laugh:. Is it make or break? Who knows? He won't until he goes on stage and does his thing.

 

I do happen to know exactly what genre she's talking about though, and honestly, given that I know people who are bad at it but still get by, I doubt he's gonna get booed for it :laugh:

 

^ The voice of experience - I can accept that. But what about OP's concern that her BF won't handle it well (in fact will be devastated) if it's not well-received? It sounds like he may have some esteem issues, which seems like it would make it more dicey to take the make-a-fool-of-yourself-and-laugh approach.
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
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Oh yeah, it's obviously a concern and I'm not surprised that it is. I have experienced the range - I've had rapturous applause and been booed off stage before so both ends of the spectrum. I always say to other musicians that you haven't lived until you've been booed off the stage at least once :laugh:. Is it make or break? Who knows? He won't until he goes on stage and does his thing.

 

I do happen to know exactly what genre she's talking about though, and honestly, given that I know people who are bad at it but still get by, I doubt he's gonna get booed for it :laugh:

 

I guess that's a relief then. I've seen some pretty harsh responses to sth even as inane as karaoke tho so I'm a little skeptical. :-/

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