Phoenixashes Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Shortened version. Met a guy who went out of his way to get to know me. Became very close friends over time. He had two girls he was in a casual fwb situation with as he said he wasn't ready to date which I had no judgment on. He'd share whenever he'd go see them, his feelings toward them etc (there was one he did like but he suspected she was also sleeping with others and generally not relationship material though she was beautiful) I would actually suggest he maybe date one if he saw anything beside sex and chill but he said he didn't want the burden at the moment. As the months went on, we grew closer. He expressed I was someone he would have a relationship with if he was in the mindset to settle down and devote his energy to a full blown responsible relationship (age 25)He started being affectionate toward me, etc. Very cautiously on his part, we slipped into a flirtationship of sorts. More time spent together talking, less with the girls. If he saw one, he'd share "I'm seeing so and so Tuesday." We had no relationship then and I told him I'd rather stay platonic since he already expressed not being relationship ready when we met. I also said not to start what he can't commit to. Even still, he did lead it toward building a foundation in that direction and I started looking to casually date others. A new girl started at his job and he started seeing her so to speak. I teased him that was his girlfriend now (as he dropped the other two girls all together and even cancelled on me but found time to spend time with this one) She was temp and would be heading back to another state in a month after training to not return so he didn't have it in him to put the emotions into in beyond casually but he still maintained our closeness and we got even closer. I could tell he saw her as more than causal but her leaving was basically what kept her at arms length. She eventually went back home. He told me after some time he wanted to be with me and me alone but he was always expressing some fear about it due to my inexperience (virgin) and just...whatever other things he had and wouldn't get into. Work. Money. Stability. I kept telling him if he wasn't ready for a relationship, just don't force things, we could stay casual, he can continue to have his casual thinf and I would also date and see if I could find a good match as though he wasn't fully ready, I was wanting to be in a relationship with. He insisted otherwise so we put all our energy into each other. I got a sneaky suspicion he was still entertaining this girl who went back to her state and asked him if there was anyone else in the picture. He kept saying "No" and told me I was being insecure about things but his general hot and cold behavior at times (when he got stressed at work, slight mean streak taking it out on me, being super affectionate after but no sorry) made me feel a bit sad and mistreated at times. Things were going very well but I couldn't shake the feeling he wasn't being completely open. I asked him a few times oncr again if I was only one in the picture and he said he wished I would stop bringing it up and I did stop for a while knowing what it's like to not be trusted due to insecurity. Things were very new and I didn't want to carry bad suspicion from past relationships into this or make him feel I was judging him based on his casual sexual relationships. I felt something was off and went snooping. Worst fear confirmed, he was still sending pictures (naughty kind) to both me and this girl at the same time. I confronted him. He lied, denied. Jumped through hoops to show it was only me he was messaging things. When faced with facts he couldn't escape, and he saw I was hurt enough to start crying, he left. Literally. Not blocked. Deleted EVERYTHING. Said "sorry. I'm not ready." and vanished. Mutual friends had no idea either what happened to him. He just deleted everything. Last thing he said was he can't move on from me with all the connection to our mutual friends and he had to go. I said "Move on? What did I do to you?" He said "Nothing. My fault." It's been a week today. No sign of him. I feel very sad and have no idea why he lied and said he was ready for a relationship if he knew he wasn't. Mutual friend said he really cared but the transition was hard and he probably saw the pictures as no big deal and is ashamed to face me. Probably felt I'd find someone else in the meantime if he didn't "step up" But I never asked him for something exclusive. Why did he lie and push for this if he couldn't commit? So...that's that. Lost my close friend. Lost someone I cared for. No talking. Just a panicked exit. Dropped everyone and everything. Sigh. This is just me to write my feelings in this space as well. Maybe it will help me move on.
DarkHorizon Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 My ex girlfriend of four years also left me upon similar confrontation. When the facts were exposed, she just said she couldn't stay anymore and left. Some people are like kids; they mess up, run away and hide from everyone. I need someone who is emotionally mature to admit their own mistakes and be willing to talk about them, and so do you.
Neffer Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I know it hurts, but he wasn't really your friend or your guy. He may have actually liked you, it seems like he did, but you don't do that to someone you really care for. The hard part is letting go of who you thought he was (the nice funny guy act he sold you) Not your fault at all, and much better that you found out relatively quickly. The running away is a very immature and somewhat sad response; hopefully he will grow up a bit. 1
Author Phoenixashes Posted January 30, 2016 Author Posted January 30, 2016 I know. Hurts my heart so badly.
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