LoveSong Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 OK....I was in a 7 mos LDR (2 hrs away), and we broke up Memorial Day weekend. He said he needed space because he was "miserable" because of the distance and from missing me all the time. He said he wasn't feeling the way he was supposed to because he was always thinking of the end of the weekend instead of enjoying our time together. Neither one of us can move at this time due to children, and we are limited to every other weekend together (alternating turns to each other's place)....unless we decide to get the kids involved at this point. I asked him if that was what he wanted to do, and he said he was confused and wanted some time (and would understand if I didn't wait for him.) Several thoughts went through my mind: 1) There's someone else?- he of course denies this (talking to him and his friends, I believe him) 2) He's commitment phobic?/LDR booty call gone serious?-- I'm his 3rd LDR since his divorce-but he claims I'm different and that he didn't care about them like he does about me...(hmmmm...did they know this?) Also, I was near the end of my divorce when we met. I did not want a relationship, but he wanted more. He told me he loved me early on and that he would not pressure me. He told me that he understood my situation and still wanted me in his life and considered me his girlfriend. Now things have changed for me and I'm ready for a little more...... 3) selfish man?-wants me to blend into his life/hobbies, but struggles to take part in mine. He admits that he can't expect me to give up my life for him. So, when he left that weekend, he called me when he got home to "see how I was doing". Then he texted me the next night, and several times during the week (even told me he missed me at one point) , and then called me last weekend. The conversation was very general, and not about "us". What do I do from here? I miss him, but he wanted space, and I'm giving it to him. I haven't called him, but I have returned texts (I initiated a text once). I'm keeping busy, but it's just not the same without being able to talk to him. We got along great in every way....the distance was really the biggest obstacle. Am I being too optimistic thinking that we will work this out?
outdated Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 No. You are not too optimistic, in fact, you're doing what you have to do. He asked for space and you're giving it to him. That's admirable. And right. Let him miss you for a while. See what happens. The future is an uncomfortable place and we want answers now, but they don't exist yet. Keep on keepin on and I bet you'll be surprised what awaits around the corner- with him or without. I don't think there's a title to put on him. He may just be unsure of what he wants, but remember- that doesn't mean that he doesn't want you. Everyone says that if someone loves you they would be with you now, and most times that's true, but there are people that have had lousy relatinships before that bail when they get scared. That's a fact. I know it's cheesy, believe me I know, but the theory persists- if it's meant to be, it will be. Until then, chin up and love life.
Author LoveSong Posted June 9, 2005 Author Posted June 9, 2005 Thanks outdated. I'm trying, but as each day passes, it seems tougher.....and I thought it was supposed to get easier!!! I "gave in" this am and texted him a quick "hello" and to my surprise, he called me!! We talked for awhile, but only about trivial stuff like the weather, etc. ( I take this as a sign that he wants to be friends, but the last thing I want right now is to only be his "friend") You're right about the "titles"-they don't really matter, and I know that as much as I want to know what the future holds, I can only take this one day at a time. I'm confused about how to handle the situation, and it doesn't help that my friends keep telling me to forget him because he's not worth the distance. (They tell me that I'm a "sucker" for staying in touch with him because I will only get hurt in the end.) Whatever!!...one way or another I'm getting hurt...just trying to find the least painful path.
lonelyinspenc Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 I was just put in almost the same situation as you are, except we live about 40 mins away. She told me that things weren't "the same" as when our relationship first started. I am so confused because i do not know what i have done, we have not talked about any trouble with our relationship at all. She says she has "tried" to fix things, but i am bewildered as to what she has done? She told me she just needed time to think about things, but wanted to meet me 3 days later to talk I suppose. Although i want to respect her wishes in giving her space, it is hard not to. We have been together for 1 year and 3 months and I can't get her out of my head. I just don't know what to do.
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