Is this going towards a break up?

[litago]

Ive met this great guy a little more than 4 months ago. Im in the middle of 20s and he is in the middle of his 30s.

I dont think its any use telling our whole story till now, except for how he usually is. He tends to call me to say hello when he has his breaks at work, calls me whenever he is available, texts me a lot about everything and nothing (with hearts and kisses emoticons) Just being happy and in love.

Last weekend he was really ill with the flu. I came over to be comfort /as he wanted me there and was really happy to see me. I decided to stay a few days even though i wasnt well myself the last two days. And when im not well, i become kind of needy and not happy. Last day i was there ( monday) i got really frustrated he barely touched me or compliment me in any way like he would normally do. And i would sit in the opposite side of the couch when we watched a few movies together, just being quiet. I went home tuesday morning after he gone to work. Got a simple text from him that he was arrived his work. He always texts me when he get there so i know hes safe. Nothing ive told him to do, just have become a habit from his side. But this text was short, and i felt the same second he was mad at me. Since tuesday, he has only written short good morning and good night and hes exhausted and going to bed. No calling me honey, or asked if a slept well, had a good shift at work or how my day was. No emoticons in texts and def not calling me OR calling me back. Like he usually do.

His week with the kids is every other friday, so i suggested i could come sleep at his place yesterday (thursday) He didnt reply to my message about me being sick and that i shouldnt have taken it out on him, but he did answer my suggestion about spending the night with "of course we can spend the night together" I arrived at his place yesterday evening. He kissed me in the hallway when i entered his apartment, layed his head on my lap as we watched a movie together, and wanted to hold and kiss my hand as he was lying there. We went to bed, lying close on his arm and he said it was lovely that i wanted to come. We fell asleep and i felt secure enough he wasnt mad at me any more for being a nagging girl all monday. Ive been so afraid he was going to end it with me because of how i behaved and might think thats how a future is going to be with me.

I spent the night. He drove to work this morning. Got the usual message, but still short and nothing likes hes happy about me again. Thats that and nothing else today. Might be a busy day, but its not like him. have to mention i havent been nagging at all since monday. Just replied to his messages and asked about sleeping there from yesterday. Thats it. He doesnt seem happy over texts, and i dont know weather is silly of me to be very happy in my replies or just mirror how he writes me. I still feel terrible, and im still so so afraid he is going to end it. He is taking his kids out for a trip this weekend, and since i havent met them yet, im prob not going to see him again until later next week.

Which is fine. I just dont want to be scared and worry all that time. But i still want to hear what others might think this is going or if im completely overreacting.

English is not my native language. Thank you in advance.

[Redhead14]

Ive met this great guy a little more than 4 months ago. Im in the middle of 20s and he is in the middle of his 30s.

I dont think its any use telling our whole story till now, except for how he usually is. He tends to call me to say hello when he has his breaks at work, calls me whenever he is available, texts me a lot about everything and nothing (with hearts and kisses emoticons) Just being happy and in love.

Last weekend he was really ill with the flu. I came over to be comfort /as he wanted me there and was really happy to see me. I decided to stay a few days even though i wasnt well myself the last two days. And when im not well, i become kind of needy and not happy. Last day i was there ( monday) i got really frustrated he barely touched me or compliment me in any way like he would normally do. And i would sit in the opposite side of the couch when we watched a few movies together, just being quiet. I went home tuesday morning after he gone to work. Got a simple text from him that he was arrived his work. He always texts me when he get there so i know hes safe. Nothing ive told him to do, just have become a habit from his side. But this text was short, and i felt the same second he was mad at me. Since tuesday, he has only written short good morning and good night and hes exhausted and going to bed. No calling me honey, or asked if a slept well, had a good shift at work or how my day was. No emoticons in texts and def not calling me OR calling me back. Like he usually do.

His week with the kids is every other friday, so i suggested i could come sleep at his place yesterday (thursday) He didnt reply to my message about me being sick and that i shouldnt have taken it out on him, but he did answer my suggestion about spending the night with "of course we can spend the night together" I arrived at his place yesterday evening. He kissed me in the hallway when i entered his apartment, layed his head on my lap as we watched a movie together, and wanted to hold and kiss my hand as he was lying there. We went to bed, lying close on his arm and he said it was lovely that i wanted to come. We fell asleep and i felt secure enough he wasnt mad at me any more for being a nagging girl all monday. Ive been so afraid he was going to end it with me because of how i behaved and might think thats how a future is going to be with me.

I spent the night. He drove to work this morning. Got the usual message, but still short and nothing likes hes happy about me again. Thats that and nothing else today. Might be a busy day, but its not like him. have to mention i havent been nagging at all since monday. Just replied to his messages and asked about sleeping there from yesterday. Thats it. He doesnt seem happy over texts, and i dont know weather is silly of me to be very happy in my replies or just mirror how he writes me. I still feel terrible, and im still so so afraid he is going to end it. He is taking his kids out for a trip this weekend, and since i havent met them yet, im prob not going to see him again until later next week.

Which is fine. I just dont want to be scared and worry all that time. But i still want to hear what others might think this is going or if im completely overreacting.

English is not my native language. Thank you in advance.

 

Listen, all the lovey-dovey stuff doesn't stay on the highest level forever. At some point, the couple starts getting comfortable with each other and secure in the relationship. While there should still be some of that, there will be times where it does drop off. Everything seems to be fine right now, you spent the night with him, he's still keeping in touch and responding. Everyone experiences little blips here and there and if everything else has been fine, there's nothing to worry about. Keep your communication with him light and a little lovey and observe for a few more days. There isn't one thing you said above that indicates he's thinking of ending it.

 

He is planning a trip with the kids, so maybe that's on his mind -- preparations, etc.

[smudge21]

Similar in many ways here, but it's her who's gone from constant contact to barely any. It's near on impossible to know what's going on with someone unless you're prepared to ask... but with asking comes the possibility that the outcome will not be what we want to hear, so we don't do it, and instead carry on holding out hope that things will work out. I guess there's your choice really. If there's nothing you can think of that you've done to push him away or make him feel like you're not interested (like he's responding in kind to how you do to him, if it's him who initiates everything maybe), then you have to think what else could it be.

 

 

People are complicated and no matter how we think we know someone, how connected we get, how close we feel with that person, sometimes we can never know them fully. It could be any number of reasons, but you need to decide how to approach it. Plus don't forget that when we have feelings for someone we overthink every little detail, so this could all be nothing.

[litago]

I know that after a trip we had together over a long weekend, he was kind of quiet after. But not like this. Im maybe thinking he needs small breaks from time to time after we spent time almost tripping in each others legs for several days.

Just before the weekend, i asked if he loves me, i want him to say it back when i do. Or else i feel kind of dumb. He said of course he does, and yes. We should be better at telling it to each other. I wrote him a text back wednessday morning after the short good morning text. And added a "love you" after i wrote about i shouldnt have taken it out on him i wasnt feeling well. Nothing back. Just the answer about staying the night thursday.

Want to mention its not directly "i love you" in our language. But closer to really care for someone.

I dont know. Maybe his mind is busy planning the trip, but i got a bad feeling he lost interest. First time in 6 years ive been in love. So this worries me a lot.

[litago]

Right? We want to know, but we also dont want to know. Thats what im thinking. And just hoping it will pass and get back to normal again.

It has been 50/50 from both of us about everything really. But now i dont know if i should hold back or mirror him. Im scared of pushing after how needy and clingy i got over the weekend. He seemed tired of me. and now i feel he is mad and even more tired. Except for yesterday when everything felt great again. This is confusing. I really aprecciate your replies.

[smudge21]

It's the most annoying thing about dating and those early days, when you simply don't know where the line is between showing interest and chasing like a loon. You'll have many say you shouldn't keep making contact if someone doesn't respond, but it's never that easy as we overthink things. You can only ever do what is right for you and accept the consequences of those actions. I know in the past I have come across as needy and made the mistake of chasing, but it's not easy to back off.

 

If you believe you are at that verge of pushing him away then back off, go with how you feel. It's a tough call as everyone is different.

[litago]

I answered his text this morning and ive been quiet since, to see if i heard anything from him. I received a text from him around 5 this afternoon. Just telling me him and the kids is home and just done eating. Packing for the trip etc. I texted him back an hour later, replying to his text and asked if he wanted to play some online ( one of our shared interests). He agreed to and called me on Skype.

At the end of our one hour playing time, i directly asked if he was mad with me for some reason. Got a "uh no" back. And told him like it was about him Texting me very little through the day this week, and i didnt know what mood hes in when he has stopped with the smileys. No reply to that, and i had to go. He said "sleep well" and i said i guess he will text me when he goes to bed (havent been a evening without that) He said "of course i will", Its like he keeps it going, but barely. I feel that what he says and whenever he writes me its just to be polite somehow?

 

Smileys and calling me petnames isnt whats important. But when it is a complete stop for that, no more snapchat messages, and barely texts me, i react.

Anyways. Just got a good night text. Just as cold and short like its been this week. Good night and we will write tomorrow. Im wondering if this is a way of slowly pulling away from me and the relationship. My gut instinct is telling me this is coming to an end.

 

I decided to be a bit overly happy back for a change instead of writing as cold as he does.

 

I forgot to say that last sunday when i sensed he was a bit distant and didnt even touch me all day, i decided to hear his thoughts about future plans. Usually he has lots of ideas and love talking about it. I got a simple, not really thought of anything and he asked if i have. I tried to make a conversation. But it didnt really last long as he didnt seem to thrilled when i brought up what we have talked and planned earlier.

Edited January 29, 2016 by litago