Red Flags you ignored

[CDJ]

Out of the blue one day, she told me that some guy she had been cheated on by his girlfriend, so he broke up with her and then asked my gf out. We had a good chuckle about it and I thought nothing of it at the time. Looking back, I can see that things changed between us after that.

 

When we broke up I asked if he was a factor, which she denied. Couple of weeks later she asked me to go round and drop her bday presents off so that we could chat; long story short, I turned up and she had a guy in her bed. Never saw who it was but worked out afterwards that they are now an item and he has the same first name as the guy from her past. Coincidence? Unlikely.

 

So, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that her telling me this guy had asked her out was her way of warning me, I suspect. Clear red flag!

[Paradigm]

A lot of promises... None kept.

[Neffer]

1. Drama. When they are seemingly surrounded by drama; chaos seems to rule their lives. If someone is going from crisis to crisis and always with the drama/chaos - it's them. They create it. Drama is never good.

 

2. Speed. Fast I love you's and moving way too fast never ever works out.

[DarkHorizon]

- Bad relationship with her parents and her sister

- Constantly negative and aggressive. Anger issues. Road rage

- Constant name-calling and yelling in every single argument

- Would do anything to please guests, friends and even strangers, but wouldn't think twice before making hurtful or sarcastic remarks about me in public - or in private.

- Rarely initiate sex

- Would never hold herself accountable for her mistakes

- Couldn't hold a job for even a few months

- ALWAYS playing the victim role

- Emotionally immature and unbalanced

Edited February 5, 2016 by DarkHorizon

[Been]

Speed was one I didn't think about. When everything starts happening really fast-moving in,joint bank accounts etc it never ends good. It's almost like they move really fast to hide who they really are. Your trying to keep up with them so you don't really have time to really see how they are-your caught up in the moment.

[triple-s]

A red flag i encounted from my last relationship ;

 

• she kept talking about this other guy at work bringing it up out of the blue in our conversations ...

 

 

... and now shes with him .

[Been]

Multiple friends of her say:I like him out of all the guys you've had.

A friend and her are talking about exs and past relationships and the friend says:well you know you always have them lined up and it doesn't take you too long to replace them???!!!!

[Zapbasket]

I could list all kinds of red flags about my most recent ex...but I think the biggest red flag I missed or ignored or tried to suppress was my own visceral emotional response to being around him. Especially in the beginning of the relationship, there were many instances where he pushed my buttons in the name of "teasing," and instead of noticing how I didn't feel secure in his presence, his dismissal of my efforts to point out to him how his behavior made me feel caused me to question myself, e.g., "Do I not have a good sense of humor / am I too uptight which is why his 'teasing' doesn't feel like teasing to me? Am I overreacting?"

 

When being around someone constantly makes you feel bad in some way, that in itself is sufficient red flag to exit the relationship. It really, really is.

[Hell Yeah]

Being emotionally and physically abused in a toxic relationship over several years......with no help from a councillor or therapist

 

Yeah run like Forrest Gump and don't think you can save bubba!!!!

[Triggs1234]

Number one red flag for me atleast was her constantly throughout the relationship saying she did not deserve me and I was "too good for her".

 

Perhaps that was because she finally admitted to hiding multiple lies throughout the relationship at the end.

[deinonychus]

How he somehow managed to still remain friendly and jovial with his multiple cheating ex-wife. It's weird.

[FTM042014]

On a few occasions while we were out somewhere she would mention that she had sex with someone there before.

 

After just two dates she was greeting me with emoji kiss faces every morning.

 

She would show me what kind of ring she wants when we passed by jewelry stores and we were only together for two months.

 

She had me meet her mom super early.

 

She was friends with most of the guys she dated in her past.

 

She refused to deal with her s**t. We all have it but she wouldn't work on it and therefore wasn't aware of how it affects her ability to maintain a good relationship.

 

And the biggest of all: she did not have a network of friends. Its important to have a life independent of your relationship.

 

Even with all of this I'm still an effing wreck over her dumping me!!

[marky00]

My Ex shagging two blokes on the sofa while I was writing up the wedding invitations.

 

Ok I lie...

 

[Otter2569]

Where do I start:

 

- Every past BF was a cheater or emotional abuser

- poor or no relationship with her parents, kids or spouses

- mood swings / personality changes when drinking...and sober

- cries for HOURS when upset

- feelings of emptiness and lack of self worth

- perpetually hurt by someone or something

- inability to handle stress

- my feelings were always invalidated

- inability to get over her past

- no close friends

- always having an issue with someone or something

[Raina314]

For the whole time we were together, he only responded to probably about half my texts and hardly ever called me, not even to check up on me after I had surgery last year.

[Shiggs]

Two lines that I should've seen as red flags in my past relationship were the lines "You're too good for me." and "I don't deserve you." Looking back I saw these as endearing and since the break up, I should have thought more about what those words really meant.

 

I understand that sometimes these can be seen as endearing, but most of the time these lines just foretell bad news, at least in my scenario it did because I truly have accepted that I was too good for her and I do deserve better.

[edel]

When we started dating I found out that he has had around 15 girlfriends before me- Each one just a few months. I still thought 'Well, maybe it just didn't work out with any of them'. Later I figured out that he was just really scared of commitment.

[fireflywy]

Lol one of my threads has a whole list of em!

[fireflywy]

Red Flag: She allowed her HEN party to get too involved in judging the relationship and had no boundaries on what she shared with them.

[BettyDraper]

Figured I would start a thread on red flags that you ignored in your relationship that had you wouldn't and acted upon them you wouldn't be posting on here.

I'm dating this woman in her forties for a couple of months. Everything seems fine.

I go over one day and she starts showing me pictures of different things that occurred in her life:birthdays,vacations etc.

We come to a section of pictures that shows and elderly man-74 years old. I figure it's her grandfather or something so I don't think too much of it until there is a picture of them KISSING!!

So she proceeds to tell me that she had just broken up with a long term boyfriend and she met this old man and they became "friends". She was 40 at the time.

So I say it looks like you were more then friends. She says yes it was sexual as well!!And then proceeds to tell me he would send her monthly checks to "help her out". HUGE RED FLAG.

 

 

I have had two bad relationships and I briefly dated some losers before I walked away. Now I am happily married.

 

• Cheap
  
• Did not care about appearance
  
• Allowed parents to pay for everything or buy them houses
  
• Extreme selfishness
  
• Bad manners
  
• Reached a certain age and never had a relationship last longer than six months
  
• Pressured me for sex
  
• Turned their backs when I was having a hard time
  

[head in the clouds]

I'm responsible for her and mine happiness

 

Oy vey. As hard as it is to admit, this is a red flag I saw in myself. It's like I woke up one day and depended solely on this man to make me happy. I had become so insecure in myself. God forbid this guy come home in a bad mood because I would panic and think the relationship was over.

 

Love and learn.

[SSJROMANCE]

Run for the hills!!!

[SoThatHappened]

Not proud for missing the following red flags, but figured I'd add my list.

 

- Her cousin and close friend (who she may or may not have had a lesbian "stint" with) warned me the night I met her, saying, "Be careful with her. She goes through guys like crazy."

 

- She got pregnant on purpose from baby daddy a month after they met and started dating. Hates his guts and did nothing but say how bad of a person he was/is while I was with her.

 

- Got engaged to a guy 3 months after meeting him online. Then said he was "more like a brother" when she broke up with him.

 

- Told me she couldn't remember how many guys she'd slept with, but said it was close to 30. She was 21 at the time. Couldn't remember which guys got the back door with her.

 

- Told me that she HATED when people used the term "red flags."

 

- Her sisters commented, in front of her and I, that she didn't deserve me. She didn't deny it at the time or after the breakup. Even said she "didn't deserve that" in a text after our breakup.

 

- She got massive tattoos and bought clothes and cars she couldn't afford, at the drop of a hat.

 

- Dropped me after 3 months of screaming from the rooftops how over-the-top she was for me. Got back with ex from high school.

 

- Kept me on the back-burner and wanted me back after 2 months with high school ex. Told me when we talked about getting back together that she was needy. She literally said, "God, I'm so needy."

 

- Her ex, who she just dropped for me (same one she dropped me for), warned me not to be with her.

 

- Her aunt and uncle warned me not to be with her.

 

- Wanted to move in after 3 months.

 

- Went catatonic a few times, as if there was nothing behind her eyes.

 

- She tried getting pregnant from me, and cried when I didn't pull out while she was visiting aunt flow (because she figured that she couldn't be pregnant by me yet and she was sad that was the first time I did that).

 

- Was a complete mess after only a couple drinks. I spent so many partying nights taking care of her long before the night was over.

 

- Watched me change her 2 year-old's diapers for 5 months. Then, when she went to dinner with family and I babysat, I told her I had to change her daughter 3 times in an hour. She asked if that was the first time I'd changed her daughter's diaper.

 

- Bought clothes she couldn't afford. Wanted a motorcycle when she couldn't afford to buy dinner.

 

- Was reckless. With everything she did.

 

- Checked the date on everything I had in the fridge, like she would die if she touched something expired.

 

This is the short and sweet list. This was before she cheated with a co-worker, moved in 4 months later, and got engaged 4 months after that.

 

Oh, and her sister called me to tell me I'm better off without her 4 days after the breakup.

 

Love is truly blind, and I'm a perfect example!

Edited February 17, 2016 by SoThatHappened

[OK_computer]

Various red flags, different women, years of experience in a short list

 

• one of her friends warned me that she was't quite right
  
• didn't have a checking account- cash only, paycheck to paycheck
  
• used faulty logic to rationalize whatever she wanted
  
• explosive arguments over the tiniest of things, all about her mood
  
• previous boyfriend ended it and broke her heart, asked how long ago... 3 months
  
• made a boatload of money, loved status, couldn't empathize with the less fortunate
  
• not empathetic, no kids, few relationships, didn't like oral
  
• went into "you must chase mode" when I showed interest, princess mentality, high expectations, low agreeableness
  

 

This is from "normal" women. I didn't even attempt to include BSC woman. Her list would be long indeed.

 

 

I love the faulty logic one. ABSOLUTELY been on the receiving end of that one. There came a point when I knew she was full of SHIZ and would just smile and how stupid she must have thought i was.

[five2nine]

Getting angry with me when I don't respond to texts for 2 hours.... because I was busy or did not have my phone. And not willing to hear any apology or explanation...

 

Yes I am dealing with this now...