See Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Hello people I am new to this forum and wanted your opinion on something with my girlfriend. We have been together for 10months now and things are getting serious. We are a black couple in our mid 30's. I haven't ever dated outside of my race. Not because I'm a racist(because I'm not) but I am just attracted to what I'm attracted to I can't help this. Her on the other hand has mostly dated black guys in her past too, but she was in a 3 year relationship with a white guy who was 10 years older than her in her late teens to early 20's. Now I've picked up on the fact that she felt uneasy about dating him, she says he was a nice guy but things just died between them. Now she revealed something to me about their relationship a few weeks back that I'm finding hard to believe. Which was that she only had sex with him once throughout their whole 3/4 year relationship. I'm finding it hard to believe this as she was sexually active prior to him, is a sexually open person, is a very horny person and was clearly in love with that guy back then. One of the things that gets me is that she is a strong Christian and swore on the bible and everything and everyone who matters to her. But she let slip in another conversation months before she revealed that, that she only started enjoying sex during the time period she was supposedly with the White guy. But swears she never cheated on him and responded by saying she got the dates mixed up. I'm an easy going laid back guy and told her that I don't care about what she did in her past and there would be no consequences if she was lying but she is insistent that she's telling the truth. And just for the record neither of them had any beliefs about being celebit, her reasoning was that his white penis disgusted her, but she stayed with him for 2-3 further years because she like other element of him. Like I say the girl I'm with loves sex and it didn't take long after meeting her before we had sex. So could this be true or or is she spinning me some Your thoughts please
Author See Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 Neither of us are racists half of the people in my family are white. And neither of us have any prejudice views. Everything said in the above post about white people is solely down to what Infind physically attractive and my preference.
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 What does it matter? Her past is her past, none of your business whether they only had sex once or were at it 3 times a day. As long as she didn't cheat or do inappropriate things or get STDs or arrested, it has no bearing on your relationship whatsoever.
SSJROMANCE Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 What does it matter? Her past is her past, none of your business whether they only had sex once or were at it 3 times a day. As long as she didn't cheat or do inappropriate things or get STDs or arrested, it has no bearing on your relationship whatsoever. I get absolutely amazed when I see people say "what does her past matter". It matters A LOT because nobody wants to date or marry a cheating slutty whore. That's why it matters. Her past is a good indication of what her future holds. Those that say this I'm quite sure have a millions skeletons in their own closet.
SSJROMANCE Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 If you believe this then I own a bridge I'd like to sell you. Given her background and what you have experienced with her so far there is NO WAY she only had sex once. I would suspect hundreds of times but she doesn't want you to know this and wants you to think it was disgusting because you don't like white women. She can't hide the fact that she dated him for 3 or 4 years but she can hide her sexual past. If it matters to you then sit down with her and tell her so. Ask her the questions that are important to you and she should either 1) tell you the truth 2) decline to answer. There is no room in a relationship for lies. Trust is #1. If she declines to tell you then you have your answer. 2
Author See Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 If you believe this then I own a bridge I'd like to sell you. Given her background and what you have experienced with her so far there is NO WAY she only had sex once. I would suspect hundreds of times but she doesn't want you to know this and wants you to think it was disgusting because you don't like white women. She can't hide the fact that she dated him for 3 or 4 years but she can hide her sexual past. If it matters to you then sit down with her and tell her so. Ask her the questions that are important to you and she should either 1) tell you the truth 2) decline to answer. There is no room in a relationship for lies. Trust is #1. If she declines to tell you then you have your answer. I'm finding this almost impossible to believe, but she chose to swear on the bible, on her mothers life, her unborn child's life and the happiness of her future. Why do all of this when I don't care weather she did or didn't
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 It matters A LOT because nobody wants to date or marry a cheating slutty whore. Er, that is why I said as long as she wasn't cheating or getting STDs. What does it matter if she had sex 1 or 1000 times with the same guy as part of a long term monogamous relationship, which didn't involve cheating, infidelity, STDs, getting arrested or infected? Why would you call her a "cheating slutty whore" for having sex multiple times with the same partner during a 3 year relationship? 2
road Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Given her background and what you have experienced with her so far there is NO WAY she only had sex once. I would suspect hundreds of times but she doesn't want you to know this and wants you to think it was disgusting because you don't like white women. She can't hide the fact that she dated him for 3 or 4 years but she can hide her sexual past. If it matters to you then sit down with her and tell her so. Ask her the questions that are important to you and she should either 1) tell you the truth 2) decline to answer. There is no room in a relationship for lies. Trust is #1. If she declines to tell you then you have your answer. I'm finding this almost impossible to believe, but she chose to swear on the bible, on her mothers life, her unborn child's life and the happiness of her future. Why do all of this when I don't care weather she did or didn't Because she knows that most men can not handle that their Woman had a sexual relationship with man that was of a different race. You say it does not matter. Though your actions say that you can not leave her past in the past. Actions speak louder than words. It is one thing for a BH to get every detail about his WW's affair if he needs/wants the whole truth. Your GF has not cheated on you. You wanting to know what happened is not a need but a want. 2
losangelena Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Because she knows that most men can not handle that their Woman had a sexual relationship with man that was of a different race. LOL, if this is true, then oh, s**t, am I screwed. #tastetherainbow OP, this seems like such a strange thing for your GF to lie about. I mean, I would expect a couple who were together in a 3-year relationship to have regular sex, regardless of whether they were a mixed-race couple or not. How did this even turn into a big deal? She's only digging her own hole. 1
SSJROMANCE Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) Er, that is why I said as long as she wasn't cheating or getting STDs. What does it matter if she had sex 1 or 1000 times with the same guy as part of a long term monogamous relationship, which didn't involve cheating, infidelity, STDs, getting arrested or infected? Why would you call her a "cheating slutty whore" for having sex multiple times with the same partner during a 3 year relationship? No. I was commenting on your "past is the past, none of your business" thus I referred to the general question I see all the time which is "what does her past matter". In this case maybe it doesn't matter to him that she banged her boyfriend 100 times a 1000 times whatever it might be. I don't know. But if she is leaving this out and it actually happened what else is she leaving out? Is she leaving out the 30 ONS's she had? Who knows. So he has every right to ask questions and she has the obligation to answer truthfully or not answer at all. Edited January 29, 2016 by SSJROMANCE
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I understand asking questions about past relationships...and even details about things that happened before you came into someone life. Asking how many times did you screw your white boyfriend while you were with him 4 years.....? I don't know...to me...it doesn't matter how many times. She has been honest and forthright in talking about her past relationships. She has not tried to be evasive. She was in a different mindset then than she is now. You feel what you feel...and if this is bothering you....it is an issue that needs to be addressed....but you are asking strangers who don't know anything about her....if she is lying. Truly...how do any of us know. Talk to your love....open the lines of communication...make her feel comfortable that you will not be judgmental...and you will love her in spite of her answers. Treat her just like you would want her to treat you. The past is the past....you were not a part of the past....but you are certainly her future. Treat her with respect and love..... 1
preraph Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I commend you on not much caring about a woman's past. But if you read this forum much, you'll soon see that there's a certain amount of guys who think it's their business and are very threatened by a woman with experience because they're insecure. Given that that is fairly common, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was afraid you might be one of these guys who is easily made insecure by that information and, given that it isn't really anyone's business but her own, decided to minimize it. I don't really see anything wrong with that. She at least cares about your feelings or she might have simply said "That's private." Also, since the guy was her first white guy, she very well probably did take it very slow and be sure what she wanted before she had sex with him so as not to make a big mess. I think you just have to move past this. We all change with every relationship we have as life moves forward. We are never exactly the same person with the next relationship as with the last one. We grow and learn.
Gloria25 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Sorry, but I've never had a guy ask my "number" and/or intrusive questions about what I did/didn't do with people I dated before them. When people ask you something, they need information from you for a reason, so why is this important to you? Maybe this Caucasian guy was her "sugar daddy". I mean looking at the age gap and her getting with him at a time a lot of young women are broke (20s), that's the only reason I vould see why she'd only have sex with him once and so "into" him (or his wallet). But then again, since she may be afraid you'd judge her for her past RLs, she's trying to downplay how much she was into this guy. What you're asking her is the equivalent of the "How do I look in this dress?" question and there's no good answer to that question. Also, I'm a black woman who only dated white men, while IMO some black women seek out Caucasian men to have someone "reliable" (a pasty) while they run the streets (I have a neighbor like that, husband sits around and drinks and she chases other men)...I'm not dating a guy and having sex with him only once. I date Caucasian men because thanks to my dad being an abusive jerk, I feel no attraction to Black men. But trust me, each Caucasian guy I've been with we're burning up the sheets and I'm not getting with some dude if we're no boinking like rabbits.
SSJROMANCE Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Er, that is why I said as long as she wasn't cheating or getting STDs. What does it matter if she had sex 1 or 1000 times with the same guy as part of a long term monogamous relationship, which didn't involve cheating, infidelity, STDs, getting arrested or infected? Why would you call her a "cheating slutty whore" for having sex multiple times with the same partner during a 3 year relationship? I'm not calling her anything and I wasn't referring to her long term quest with her boyfriend. I'm speaking in a general sense - sorry you don't understand that. When my wife lied to me about all her past sexual encounters I never was upset about her long term boyfriends - which by the way was about the only ones she mentioned when I asked. It was all the others like all the ONS's she conveniently forgot to mention that bothered me. However let's for a second say it DOES matter to him. Maybe it matters because he doesn't want to date someone who has tried every sexual thing that there is to try with another guy. "Have you tried this? Yes. How about this? Yes. Dam girl what about this? Many times." Maybe that would bother him that there is nothing new left for her to try with him. I can see that.
GunslingerRoland Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 It might be the truth, doesn`t seem like she had much to gain by lying. But if it is the truth it`s odd. I can`t imagine being in a relationship like that. It would be weird that she was attracted enough to a white guy to date him for 4 years, but so grossed out by a white penis. (besides skin color, aren't they basically the same?)
Recommended Posts