ptlouie11 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I've been dating a 24-yo grad student for the past 3 months. We met from OLD. We typically see each other about 1-2x/week due to our busy schedule. The last time we saw each other was 2 weeks ago and when we talked on the phone on Monday, he agreed to meet up for dinner this weekend. Then, on Thursday he called me to cancel the plan because he said he has an exam this upcoming Monday that he needs to study for. I thought it was kind of odd that he has the whole weekend to study yet he can't spare an hour or two to spend time with me. I'm also in grad school and I understand the needs to study. However, part of me feels like if he really likes me, he'll try to make time even if it's just a short hour. I politely told him I understand and let him know that I'll be swamped with a lot of exams next week as well that I won't be able to see him until at least another week from now if I can't see him this weekend. He didn't seem to change his mind at all and is fine with going for 3 weeks without seeing me. To be honest, I can definitely spare time to see him next week but Idk if I should as he's not treating me as a priority. Our schedule is gonna be like this for a while. Am I being unreasonable for thinking this way?
Toodaloo Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 If you did have time to see him why did you say you didn't? Concentrate on your exams. Playing mind games is not a priority. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Agree, game playing is not going to help you out in the long run. But it does seem like he's not making you a priority. If your needs are not being fulfilled by the relationship then I would move on.
smudge21 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Nothing more frustrating then when a loved one or someone we have feelings for doesn't seem to make the time or effort and all you really want to do is ask them why, but you can't as you fear it'll just come off as wrong and a bit pushy, when it could all be innocent. Try not to think about it too much and just see what his next actions are, although you shouldn't have told him you were busy as now that's also put the idea in his head that you're not around either. His reason could be totally innocent, but there's no way to know. See what happens and just focus on other things for now. 1
Bobbi7 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Seems like he's not interested, or making you a priority. I had a guy tell me the same "busy" excuse-like he told me he was always busy on the weekends. Well, let's see.. He made time for his friends, but not me??? Yeah, NEXT! What's his excuse? That he wants to focus on school? Yeah, right.
Author ptlouie11 Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 Agree, game playing is not going to help you out in the long run. But it does seem like he's not making you a priority. If your needs are not being fulfilled by the relationship then I would move on. I was being completely honest that my schedule is swamped next week when he asked if I could meet up during the week after his Monday exam. However I could make time to see him for an hour or two since I really like him and am willing to prioritize to see him despite it being a busy week. I just find myself doubting if I should since he won't make any sacrifice to see me.
kendahke Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) I was being completely honest that my schedule is swamped next week when he asked if I could meet up during the week after his Monday exam. However I could make time to see him for an hour or two since I really like him and am willing to prioritize to see him despite it being a busy week. I just find myself doubting if I should since he won't make any sacrifice to see me. Have you asked him why he doesn't seem to be making you a priority when you are able to carve out a half hour or so to see him at the drop of hat, but he doesn't seem to? If you've been seeing each other for about 3 months, then you're at the point in the relationship where the representatives have been dismissed and the real you's are now in command. This is the make or break time for relationships--either there is compatibility emerging or incompatibility is emerging. This is who he is. You made the mistake of falling for his representative and that aspect of his character is now long gone. He's probably someone who can go a month without seeing you and be fine with it because he's not that driven at this time to make you his priority. It's wonderful that you can juggle grad school, be he might not be the kind of person who can juggle grad school and a relationship, no matter what the last 3 months (which included the high of the holidays) were like. Edited January 29, 2016 by kendahke
katiegrl Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 OP......I don't think you should ask him why he's not making you a *priority* -- right now school is his priority as well it should be! However, I think it's reasonable to expect that even though school is the priority and he has an exam on Monday ....that he could take one or two hours to spend some time with his girlfriend ..... for god's sake, he has the entire weekend to study! It has been two weeks now since you've spent time togrther. Something is amiss in your relationship. Sounds like he may be checking out. Bottom line is ......if he cared, if he were still into you, he would be missing you, he would be *wanting* to see you, despite busy schedule, despite having an exam on Monday. I mean, we are talking one or two hours here out of the "entire* weekend. No you are not the priority, nor should you be right now - school is, for both of you. But that doesn't mean you stop wanting to see your girlfriend for a few hours each week, that is hardly expecting too much. Again, something is definitely amiss here. Another girl or just checking out. Sorry.
truth_seeker Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 If you've been seeing each other for about 3 months, then you're at the point in the relationship where the representatives have been dismissed and the real you's are now in command. This is the make or break time for relationships--either there is compatibility emerging or incompatibility is emerging. Excellent analysis. What's sad is that there are many people out there still dating the real you's refusing to acknowledge that they're representatives. 3 month mark you should know: is there a future with this person. If there is then you start making plans for the eternal commitment. If not, cut them loose.
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