CTRL C Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Sorry but if a girl told me to give up something I do as a hobby for her, I'm gonna show her out the door. That's not a good move to ask him to give it up. There should be trust here. If she trusts him not to do anything sexual with her or even flirt then it should be fine. But so far I haven't seen a single reason given as to why she shouldn't trust him. She seems overly jealous to me for no reason. I think it's part jealousy, part venting. I mean, yes the other girl is obviously in the wrong. Obviously she's obnoxious and being disrespectful to the OP, the guys at the gym, AND the instructor. There's just nothing the OP can do, the girl isn't going to steal her BF, so while yes it's annoying there's no point in stressing over it. What about some private lessons? Obviously not all the time, and not as a replacement for open mat, but the bf might appreciate both the special instruction and being able to roll away from this girl who makes him uncomfortable.
kendahke Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Sorry but if a girl told me to give up something I do as a hobby for her, I'm gonna show her out the door. That's not a good move to ask him to give it up. There should be trust here. If she trusts him not to do anything sexual with her or even flirt then it should be fine. But so far I haven't seen a single reason given as to why she shouldn't trust him. She seems overly jealous to me for no reason. You make my point for me. Thank you.
Author problemhere Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 I would never ask him to give it up that would be unfair. Apart from CTRL C i think the other posters here who are comparing the situation to having a flirty neighbour or work colleague don't fully understand what ji jitsu involves, it cannot be compared in the same light. I will look into getting my boyfriend some private lessons as a gift but i can't see anything about prices on their site.
IronZ Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I would never ask him to give it up that would be unfair. Apart from CTRL C i think the other posters here who are comparing the situation to having a flirty neighbour or work colleague don't fully understand what ji jitsu involves, it cannot be compared in the same light. I will look into getting my boyfriend some private lessons as a gift but i can't see anything about prices on their site. It is what it is. The question is, do you trust him? I think you've mentioned telling him about your reservations of this other girl so he knows not to fall for her flirtatious tricks. I think what you need to do is instead of worrying so much about this side of him, find something you two can share together. Pick up another hobby you can do with him and focus on that. I'm just cautioning you because as a man I would feel confined if my gf was acting like this. I don't know how he would take it but me personally I would find you to be overly attached and to lack confidence if you were this worried about some girl that meant nothing to me. Be careful how you approach this situation.
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) He could always put a stop to this though ...by simply assertively telling her ..."look, I have a girlfriend, and your behavior is unacceptable and not appreciated....please stop.". Or words to that effect. Maybe nicer than that, but still get his point across. Has he done that? If not, why not? That is what I said to guys who crossed boundaries with me when I was dating my boyfriend. And I would hope it was what my boyfriend said or would say in the same situation. Pissed me off actually ....especially because they knew I had a boyfriend. Whatever she does with the other guys is none of his business, nor yours. Edited February 1, 2016 by katiegrl
Brapting Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) Hi all. My boyfriend does ji jitsu and there's a few girls in his class which is fine but my boyfriend told me a couple of months ago about a new girl there who acts a bit inappropriate and how he felt uncomfortable training with her, apparantly she doesn't take the class too seriously and just spends the whole session flirting with all the guys there. Anyway she invited my boyfriend out for drinks after practise along with some other guys from the class and i felt uncomfortable with it so i tagged along and after meeting her i'm suspicious of her. She was friendly towards me and seemed nice enough (after she finally stopped bragging about appearing on a trashy reality tv show 5 years ago) but she was heavily flirting with the other guys and i suspect that she would have been the acting the same way towards my boyfriend if i wasn't there. I now feel really uncomfortable with my boyfriend staying in contact with her but he has to see her every week for ji jitsu and i know that sometimes he will have to roll around with her and it makes me feel sick considering how even my boyfriend admitted that she acts inappropriately. Am i supposed to just get over this because obviously i would never try telling my boyfriend to stop taking the class. I don't know what to do. I understand where you are coming from, you feel uncomfortable with your boyfriend being around this woman, but perhaps you could ask yourself "why do I feel 'sick' about this?". Remember, thoughts and feelings influence each other in a cycle. It is perfectly okay to feel sick, uneasy, jealous...whatever. They are your feelings and you own them. Maybe accept them for what they are, but then consider what thought processes are accompanying them. What worries you about this? What are you thinking about him and yourself? What are you thinking about the future? Is this based on facts and evidence, or an irrational fear or something that you have heard or something that has happened to you in the past? On a general point, there will be women that he comes into contact with, just as there will be guys that you come into contact with. Men might not like to hear it, but their girlfriends no doubt get 'hit on' by other guys. Similarly, the mere fact that your boyfriend is in a relationship with you increases his value and attractiveness to other women. It may be painful to admit, but women will flirt with him and 'hit on' him...this is NOT to say that he will act on this. Personally I physically couldn't stay in a committed relationship with someone that I didn't trust, but in the event that I didn't trust them (and wanted to end it) I would want to make damn sure that the decision was based on (as much) evidence (as possible), rather than an insecurity. For what it is worth, your boyfriend has told you that he finds it inappropriate and uncomfortable. As evidence goes, this is fairly reliable as to his general feeling towards her and her behaviour (although not conclusive). It is really up to him to deal with the situation and not you. How would you feel if he got involved with some guy that you had been spending time with? Maybe you could trust him to deal with it himself. As a final point, everyone (although arguably women especially) feels envy and jealousy, but it worth remembering that this merely reflects a primal urge to 'protect' a threatened 'resource' that is perceived to be possessed or owned. It is also worth being mindful of your own behaviour as this often leads people to raise their valuation of the 'resource' (your boyfriend) being threatened. In reality, no-one can be 'owned' by another person and you are the resource of primary value and you feel a lot happier and more comfortable if you recognize and accept these truths. Edited February 1, 2016 by Brapting
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