L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Hi there im 25 and my boyfriend is 26. it's a very long story to be honest but it starts from 6 months into our 2 and a bit years relationship my boyfriend dumped me 6 months in for 24 hours then came back saying his made a big mistake. Then everything was fine again as time went on I noticed he was doing things that you shouldn't be whilst in a relationship like a girl posted on social networking like for my number and he liked it why when he has me? Then I pulled him up on that and everything carried on as normal but all I kept getting was a feeling that something was going on like something I should know so I went through his phone to put my mind at ease but that wasn't the case he had been messaging a girl flirting calling each other babe and baby something he calls me so I pulled him up on that and that stopped then I started getting that gut feeling again so again I looked in his phone and his had numerous dating site accounts when I notified him I knew this he lied and confused his own lies because first he said one of his friends was on about it so he had a look then he said his email account had been hacked which was a lie because in that case you would just get a new one all he did was change his password so I couldn't get on it. So I had a breakdown then and he said it would stop so again we started again by this time I was pregnant with our little boy who is now 6 months so overly emotional anyway and I thought once baby was here he would change but no things still kept going on now I know he has a Twitter account dedicated to porn following over 2,000 naked pornographic women and even attempts to chat to them and also he had yet another dating site which he had been using this is recently and during our first 6 months I found out the other day he had been talking to his ex saying he was living the single life that basically he dumped me because I was boring in more ways than one and they even spoke about getting back together it just breaks my heart we have a beautiful baby and he was planned as all we both ever wanted well at least that's what he says but yet he doing all this what do I do I love him but he just keeps hurting me, I mean last week I wrote him an essay of 11 pages saying everything his done and how I feel I literally poured my heart out, he wrote one back but not really giving me what I wanted out of it it was only 2 pages. He tries to say he does things because he has put a little weight on and his adhd and he has let himself go and that's why he does these silly things which is no excuse I mean I feel unattractive and ugly that don't mean I'm going to watch porn and talk to men
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Good heavens, OP. You need to find your dignity and self-respect and get rid of this man. He doesn't love you, and has zero respect for you. You shouldn't need to confront a man for lying so many times. You shouldn't need to write an 11-page essay (??) campaigning for his love. If you need to do that, you already know he's not in love. He's not going to change. He knows and you know it, too. It's time to end this relationship and work out of a plan for co-parenting your baby. Show your son that his mom is a self-respecting woman and set an example for how he should treat his own girlfriend someday. 3
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I know I understand what your saying but I've just moved in to my first own home I have no one when his gone no one to turn to my son looks forward to daddy coming home from work every night how can I just take that away from him?
RySant Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I am not sure what you'll do, girl. This is the situation our parents warned us about. He's toxic but you're pining to him for non-existing love and care. He won't change overnight and even if you stay with him, all he'll do is womanize and do porn. And there's a very high chance that sooner or later, he'll leave you for another woman. So, instead of hoping that everything will turn out all right, plan. You have no choice. Plan because I am telling you, your husband will not be there as you want him to be for you and your child. Better do something now and be on a worst case scenario in the future. And please, don't get yourself pregnant again with this guy. 6
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I understand what your saying but my son looks forward to his dad coming in from work every night I don't want to have to take that away from him and by the way our son was planned we spoke about it and both wanted a family well at least that's what he said his had more than one chance to leave and he isn't taking them.
RySant Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Because, no one has bitten his bait, yet. Girl, you know he is actively looking for a new girl. You just saw the message he sent to his ex, the dating sites, etc etc. He is actively looking. I understand about your kid, but if his dad chose to walk away, what will you tell your son, then? You are keeping a bad influence inside the house. He is too young for him to understand all these, don't wait when he turns 5 years old where he'll truly miss his father. This is your life, it's up to you. But as child from a broken family (Father left my mom) I am telling you, I thank my mom for having a good back-up plan and we're at least happy and content with our lives right now. 2
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I too had split parents and I never wanted that for my son. I know my boyfriend wants the best of both worlds and that can't continue but this man came into my life when I needed someone my nan had just passed away who lived with I had to move out my forever home into my mums mad house. I needed someone and he came into my life ending this is going to be heartbreaking.
RySant Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Ending this is going to be heartbreaking. But deep down you know this is the right way. If you came here for LS to get advice on how to change your man, then I am sorry as we don't have the answer for you. Again, this is your life. You, alone, can determine how much sh*t you can take, and how much pain you can endure. Wishing you the best for you and your son. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 ending this is going to be heartbreaking. ... and not ending it will certainly be "heartbreaking", and possibly fatal. By breaking-up with such a fool, at least you get a chance to live a little bit. 1
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I know it's just hard I love him I can't picture our life without him. I don't want to be alone living on my own with my son I've only just moved out from my mums into my own house for the first time I've never been in this position where I have no one to look after me.
Zahara Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I understand what your saying but my son looks forward to his dad coming in from work every night I don't want to have to take that away from him In the long run (depends on how long you stay with him), when your child grows up and he sees how much his mother is being disrespected, how much she feels unloved, how much she suffers dealing with a father that is likely going to keep doing what he's doing, it will affect him emotionally and mentally. This isn't just about NOW when he's 6 months old, but you need to look ahead. You think he won't sense unhappiness and strife in the home? He will so while at 6 months he is happy to see daddy come home, trust that when he's able to comprehend what's going on, it will be detrimental to him. I'm not even going to go into how much your mental and emotional state is going to be messed up by then. I wish my mother had left because life would have been healthier with two happy people apart than two unhappy people together. You mentioned you can't picture your life without him. What life? Snooping, fighting, crying, sadness, lying, anxiety, fear, mistrust...that's the life you're talking about? Don't romanticize what you have because at the end of the day, love alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship. and by the way our son was planned we spoke about it and both wanted a family well at least that's what he said his had more than one chance to leave and he isn't taking them. He isn't taking them because he hasn't found a new place to land. You're available to provide him with whatever benefits he needs. Sex, companionship, maid, etc. He knows he can treat you like a doormat and you'll still accept his lying ways and allow him to go out there and do whatever he wants. There will probably come a day when he will take that chance to leave -- only when he has secured an opportunity. For now, he gets to do whatever he wants and that's great. 2
CarrieT Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I know it's just hard I love him I can't picture our life without him. I don't want to be alone living on my own with my son I've only just moved out from my mums into my own house for the first time I've never been in this position where I have no one to look after me. Why are you providing THIS kind of an example to your son when you know this guy is ultimately a bad influence!?!?! You need to start looking after YOURSELF and your SON and stop expecting others to do it for you. 3
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I know I need to kick him out and concentrate on me and my son it's just hard to accept it I suppose and I feel like there are answers I need that I will never get like why me, why do I deserve to be treated like this because I just couldn't do this to anyone. 1
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I don't expect anything from anyone I just haven't got anyone to turn to for support that are close by anyway.
DarkHorizon Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I know it's just hard I love him I can't picture our life without him. I don't want to be alone living on my own with my son I've only just moved out from my mums into my own house for the first time I've never been in this position where I have no one to look after me. Don't you see that EVERYTHING is wrong in this picture? I am sorry to say, but YOUR love alone is not enough - he is clearly disrespecting you, and coming up with the most crappy excuses to justify his actions. You don't want to live alone? That is not a reason to stay in a toxic, unhealthy relationship. You are getting hurt. He isn't the last guy on the face of the Earth and you know it. You can't picture a life without him for the simple fact that that's the life you have NOW. As soon as you leave him, with some dignity left, you will realize relationships can be much better than what you are experiencing now. 2
DarkHorizon Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I feel like there are answers I need that I will never get like why me, why do I deserve to be treated like this because I just couldn't do this to anyone. Forget the answers and forget those questions. Don't turn this towards you. He is the one being a bad influence for your son and abusing your love. The hard fact is that YOU don't deserve to be treated like this, and you have control to stop it. Why is he doing it? Because some people does things like that. We can't stop them - but what we CAN do is to not enable them and be part of the picture. 2
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I know I agree with you all but he messes with my head just this morning he posted on social network this [still nothing has changed the way I feel about you x but we have our little Boy now so that makes the both of you. You both mean everything to me and I wouldn't change that for the world. I love you both ever so much xxxxxx] I feel like I'm part of an act the perfect family man and loving boyfriend act he does this often his always saying I love you I never say it first because I believe action speak louder than words but why do it.
CarrieT Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I feel like I'm part of an act the perfect family man and loving boyfriend act he does this often his always saying I love you I never say it first because I believe action speak louder than words but why do it. All evidence to the contrary. If you truly believe that actions speak louder than words, than hold true to the belief that this man's actions will HURT your son and remove the man from your child's influence.
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 I'm going to kick him out and remove him from my life but as for my son I can't stop him seeing his son. He has to be apart of both our lives as much as I'd love to see him suffer because he would hate being away from our son. 1
Zahara Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I know I agree with you all but he messes with my head just this morning he posted on social network this [still nothing has changed the way I feel about you x but we have our little Boy now so that makes the both of you. You both mean everything to me and I wouldn't change that for the world. I love you both ever so much xxxxxx] I feel like I'm part of an act the perfect family man and loving boyfriend act he does this often his always saying I love you I never say it first because I believe action speak louder than words but why do it. Keeping up with appearances. Pretending to be the wonderful partner and father to the world - everyone look at me and how great I am -- but it all sucks behind closed doors. Probably loves getting accolades from people just for an ego boost. That's all it is because if all those words were true, there would be consistency in his actions as well. He's not messing with your head. You already know it's all a facade. 2
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 Yea I do to be fair it's just sad. I just find it hard to understand because I'm not that kind of person and don't think the same.
Zahara Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Yea I do to be fair it's just sad. I just find it hard to understand because I'm not that kind of person and don't think the same. Unfortunately, you will never understand it because you both are cut from a different cloth. So no matter how many times you write 11 page letters or beg and plead with whys -- you will never get your answers. He does what he does because that is who he is. Just as I can't understand (at the time) why an ex of mine was cheating on me with other women while wanting to build a future with me, you will never understand why your boyfriend does what he does. We can speculate but it won't change your situation nor will it change him. 1
Author L3ANNE Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 That's true it's just a shame that people can be so self destructing and and hurt others along the way. Especially when they have everything they could ever wish for right in front of them. His ex I know lied to him about being pregnant and got an abortion without him knowing, I had miscarried twice in a previous relationship I thought I'd never have kids so it's something we both always wanted. So I'll never regret having my son I feel so lucky to have him.
Zahara Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 That's true it's just a shame that people can be so self destructing and and hurt others along the way. Especially when they have everything they could ever wish for right in front of them. His ex I know lied to him about being pregnant and got an abortion without him knowing, I had miscarried twice in a previous relationship I thought I'd never have kids so it's something we both always wanted. So I'll never regret having my son I feel so lucky to have him. Focus on your child and give him the best life you can. Let him be what motivates you.
RySant Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I'm going to kick him out and remove him from my life but as for my son I can't stop him seeing his son. He has to be apart of both our lives as much as I'd love to see him suffer because he would hate being away from our son. By all means, do it. You don't have to let him stop seeing your son but you have to stop him from abusing you.
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