Analysis of the years gone by...

[RC77]

Well, this is an extremely long story but hopefullly I can cut it down without leaving too much out.

 

Basically I met this girl in the 8th grade, we had one class together and we always sort of knew each other because we lived in the same neighborhood. Anyways one day someone (still no idea who it was) wrote her a love note and when she recieved it, she read it in class (we had a sub or something so no one cared) and everyone was trying to guess who it was. Later that day she IMed me and asked me if I wrote it, I denied it but she kept accusing me of writing it. Anyways time went by and we kept talking on the phone and instant messenger (on and off all up until now end of the 11th grade). In 9th grade we kept talking about how we would hang out and do stuff together but we never really did anything. Also whenever I saw her in school it would feel like a bolt of lightning suddenly struck me and I would avoid her at all costs. The summer before 10th grade I started dating a peer of ours we used to know in middle school (she went to a different highschool) and me and this girl lost contact for awhile (we chatted maybe once a week). Anyways when I broke up with the one girl me and the original girl started talking again. We talked more and more and that year in 10th grade I stopped my random spouts of nervousness but then I saw the exact same thing that happened to me happen to her. She would see me from far away (for example) and she would maybe give me one nervous glance and then try to move by acting like she hadnt seen me. Anyways we still kept talking through all of this but our real confrontations were so awkward, like maybe one mumbled hi, then a nod, then our separate ways. Now finally this year (about to be over) We started hanging out and talking even more. In the beginning of the year I started dating another girl again but after a few months we broke up and the talking with the original girl resumed. As I felt closer and closer, asking her to hang out with me more and more it seemed like she suddenly became scared or something. She would ask me to movies or to a dance, once she even cancelled a date with another guy to go with me to a movie. Anyways when I tried to take her out on a real date some misunderstanding would always occur, I don't know whether she caused it or I did. But the closer I got I would suddenly feel unwanted and disliked. Anyways the night she canceled a date for me and we were supposed to go to a movie, one of the misunderstanding occured and I decided to call off the date (again it suddenly felt like she just didnt really want to go). However that night she called me (it sounded like she was in tears) and she wanted to know what the hell happened and why I suddenly changed my mind. The next day I started dating another girl, I wasn't very attracted to this girl but I lasted about 4 months with her until I finally was able to break it off for reasons I will explain later. Anyways during this time me and the original girl kept up talking (we had that clash that one night but then about a week later it was as if nothing had happened) and we saw each other a few times (shopping a movie). Anyways the reason I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months was honestly because.. I did not like her, I never did, I told her it was because I got accepted to art school and I didnt want it to hurt more later when im gone. for all of these years I have been dating but only this one girl comes to mind and now I am truly leaving, I will most likely never see my friends again (at least not as we are now). I will probably never see this girl again, but I just want to understand.. What has she been thinking all of this time? She has never dated and I am not sure she has ever been kissed (this is amazingly surprising, she is one of the most attractive girls I have ever seen). Recently we ate lunch together and I told her we were going to again soon and she seemed excited about it, but when I mentioned it again later she said she couldnt. But then later she called me and then again called me around 1 in the morning wanting to just talk.

 

OK yes that was long and probably didn't make sense, hopefully I didn't leave any essential information out. But yeah, I have always been confused by her and still am... I want to know what all of this was about so I can maybe let it go...

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

I think you seriously need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with this girl. You never can really know what another person is thinking, and therefore you should just ask her. What have you got to lose, especially since you said you'll be moving away? Tell her how over the past several years, you keep wanting her and perhaps she will tell you that she, too, has been pining for you. Perhaps you can develop something over the summer and continue a long distance relationship while you're away at art school. Perhaps it doesn't work out. Either way, you won't be left with this question, "What might have been?"