6Pack Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) Hi all, I know this will be a long post, but if anyone can read it, and provide some advice, I would greatly appreciate it! About 2 months ago, I met a girl online (Jill). Had a great first month, including amazing sex and meeting her friends etc. But before we had met, we both had scheduled holiday travel (I had scheduled 2 weeks to see my brother at Christmas time, and she had scheduled a trip with friends to Puerto Vallarta for New Years). Her friends are mostly a large group of super friendly, older gay men. Her and I are are both 42 when we met. When I went on my trip to my brother's house though, I had a job interview there, and heavily considered taking the job and moving there. I started feeling guilty, because that would mean I would have to end it with this really great girl. We texted or talked most days, including lots of really hot sexting...most of which she initiated with me. I wound up not getting the job offer though, and I flew home. However, when Jill and I went to hang out the night before her flight to Mexico (we had one day between our trips), she was a little awkward, and I felt we had lost our momentum, although I was still attracted. I think that my guilt complex was affecting my outlook on her, and causing things to be awkward. Didn't matter too much though, we had great sex, and the next day she flew out. Again, we stayed in touch on her trip, and she would text me when she could. She came back on Jan 2, but when she came back, she immediately got sick...really bad cough. She looked tired all the time, coughing a lot. So, we would hang out when she was feeling good. About a week ago though, she texted me that she now was getting sicker, went to the doctor, and had strep throat. That same week, I was on call at work and put in 76 hours. But last Saturday, was my birthday. She promised me that we would hang out. But this whole time she has had stop throat, she has been very distant. I went to pick her up for my birthday dinner, and she was quiet, and distant. She tole me earlier in the day, that she is on antibiotics and has a yeast infection as a result, so no birthday sex, and I told her I understand, and I couldn't stay over anyway, since I had to work the next morning at 8am on-call. But we might hang out after dinner, watch a tv show, then make it an early night. Well, we met up with three friends for dinner and drinks, and my three friends loved her, and all told me "this one is definitely special, don't let this one go". She was drinking and feeling great, but still somewhat distant. This (plus the alcohol I was drinking) caused me to try too hard to try to "convince" her how great of a guy I am (but in a joking way), and she told me "you don't have to try to convince me anymore, relax". She wanted to stay out late now, but seemed out of her mind. She started acting really strange and wanted to hang out with my female friend that she had just met an hour earlier, but was making it seem like she wanted me to go away, and abandon me on my birthday, so she could go clubbing with my friend! We got into an argument over this, with her calling me a jerk etc. My friend told her to stop acting like this etc, but eventually we all got in a cab and went to another club. We were there until 4am, and Jill and I danced, had a good time, and I felt that my female friend had patched things up for us. But at the end of the night, Jill got in her own cab and left, and I went home alone. She had given me a gift and I went home and opened it alone (she got me socks and a star bucks coffee mug). The next day, my female friend called me, and told me she was sorry, and didn't intend to start a fight between Jill and I. But she told me she does think Jill is great, and I should try to make her my GF and don't let her get away. She told me though, that I need to be patient with this particular girl. Later that evening, Jill and I texted and went over all the events of the previous night, and the fight, and again, as a result of her distance and my uncertainty of where things stand, and as a result of my mental exhaustion from having worked 76 hours that week, I started to unintentionally come across as "needy" in the text conversation. I feel like she was misinterpreting things I was saying. Although, she told me that she always has fun with me, and is looking forward to continuing to getting to know me. So thats good. So I asked what she is doing that night, and she said she has already made dinner plans with her gay friend and then she wants to relax at home to work on he coaching work, etc. Ok...fine. Since then, she has been somewhat distant. She is still taking the antibiotics. I have backed off from heavy conversation with her. I resolved to go No Contact and see what happens, but then she started texting me again, a little bit. We do text a little bit back and forth, but I am already making plans to just move on. She also claims she is working a lot of hours this week. It may or may not be true, but knowing her job, I believe her. I don't currently have any hard evidence that she has met another guy yet (anything is possible, I know). So once again, I am not sure where things stand. Did my eagerness, combined with guilt complex and mental exhaustion, combined with her being sick, ruin things? Is this a broken situation, or is there still a way to save this? Edited January 29, 2016 by 6Pack
Ami1uwant Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 This is why it's always a problem when eRly in a relationship people have trips which breaks up the relationship.
Author 6Pack Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 This is why it's always a problem when early in a relationship people have trips, which breaks up the relationship. Yes, I agree! I told her before we went on our trips, that in the past, I have met people who had planned long trips, and it has affected things before! She didn't think much of it at the time, but I wonder if that has ruined this for us. I hope not. She is still "friends" with me on Facebook. So thats good. But, I can see that she is going to a karaoke event this saturday with a group of people, but I have not received an invite from her for that. What I am hoping for, is a "reboot" and a second chance with her. The problem though, is I came off somewhat needy last saturday/sunday, and so I am a little hesitant to bring all that up again yet, which would risk painting me in another needy light. So, what I am doing is treading lightly, not asking anything of her, and just texting a little bit, waiting hours to respond etc, to try to offset the neediness/insecurity. I am trying to make emotional preparations to accept that this might be over, and that its a lost cause. I know it was only 2 months, but I do date a lot, and this one had so much potential, compared to the people I have met in the past where things went no where...we both recognized that at one time. I hate to see this end like this....a horrible "perfect storm" of illness and stress from work ruining what could have been something really f'in great!
Ami1uwant Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Don't be Facebook friends with someone you are in the early stages of dating....
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