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My boyfriend's ex girlfriend sent him a message on social media earlier this month, a

MiaMckenz

By MiaMckenz
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MiaMckenz Member

MiaMckenz

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My boyfriend and I have beend ating for over 3 years now and we're both in our late 20's. Yesterday, without him know (which i know is wrong), i saw that his ex grilfriend sent him a message via social network earlier this month. He was using FB on his phone yesterday and left his phone open when he walked away. I NEVER look through his phone and i have the passcoade to his phone, but i just had a feeling that i should look at this phone yesterday. So when he left to do something in the house, I saw that his ex girlfriend sent him a message. She asked him about an event that occured while they were together a long time ago and he told her that he's not going to entertain her question because that's in the past now, and he would love to ask her a lot of questions about things that occured in their relationship but he's not going to because he's matured and that's all in the past. Then they both wished each other well and then she asked him if he's engaged to me yet. His response was "why are you in my business lol. Are you in a relationship or engaged yet?". Then she responded by saying "why can't you answer my question" then his response was "no i'm not engaged yet, but it's something that's going to happen soon". Then her final resposne was "congrats and that's she's in a relationship". He didn't response after that, but i'm so bothered by this whole situation because we claim to tell each other any and everything. I know i tell him everything.

It doesn't bother me that she contacted him -- it really bothers me that he didn't tell me that she did. However, i went snooping through his stuff and i don't want him to know that so i don't really know how to address this with him at all. I want him to tell me that she contacted him. Plus i was also bothered that he had to ask her if she was in a relationship or engaged yet. why does that matter. I've told him every time that my ex has contacted me. Thoughts?

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Don't practice deceit. The truth will out when you can least afford it.

 

There was nothing to tell you, hence him not saying anything about the conversation. He pretty much told her to go pound sand. Be glad he did that and took the tone he did. It wasn't any of her business what he is doing now.

 

However, my question is: why would you automatically snatch his phone behind his back and snoop if your relationship is solid? Why not ask him for it since you have the passcode? People only do that when they do not trust the person they're with or believe them to be a liar. So, the question becomes: why don't you trust him? What has he lied to you about in the past that prompted you to snatch his phone?

Edited by kendahke
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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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i'm so bothered by this whole situation because we claim to tell each other any and everything. I know i tell him everything.

It doesn't bother me that she contacted him -- it really bothers me that he didn't tell me that she did.

You are beyond silly.

 

What would you want him to say: "Hey, my Ex contacted me and I told her we were going to get engaged so I'm blowing *THAT* surprise just so you know I don't hide anything from you.."

 

 

Get over it. He shut her down.

 

For the record, I'm in the camp that doesn't believe people in relationships need to tell each other EVERYTHING. I get 100+ email a day and my husband gets 300 or more. We wouldn't have anything to talk about if all we did was share what messages we were getting...

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Why in the world would you ping him about this? He shut her down and now you know he's planning to ask you to marry him . . . what are you thinking??? ??

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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However, my question is: why would you automatically snatch his phone behind his back and snoop if your relationship is solid? Why not ask him for it since you have the passcode? People only do that when they do not trust the person they're with or believe them to be a liar. So, the question becomes: why don't you trust him? What has he lied to you about in the past that prompted you to snatch his phone?

 

Might have had something to do with their breakup on November 11th? IDK.

lexylove Member

lexylove

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not even worth bringing up. He is so over her and obviously entertaining the thought of marrying you. It's unnecessary for him to tell u and stir the pot as it will only upset you as it obviously already has. Let's face it- we don't tell our partners everything. Get over it and move forward-SERIOUSLY.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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It seems this poster has a history of starting threads and never returning them to respond to questions or acknowledge others' posts....

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Wait, on January 19th she posted about the fact she was getting married and something about the wedding being in Jamaica. Yesterday, she posts that she went through her BF's phone and found a message that indicated he was going to propose to her??????? And is it 3 years or 4 years?

 

Something's not right here . . .

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MiaMckenz Member

MiaMckenz

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I love that you're going back to read my other posts :)

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I love that you're going back to read my other posts :)

 

MIA, I have been following your posts over time. I didn't always respond, however, I am observing a disturbing pattern with you. I, personally, think you should be seeking counseling outside of this forum. I wish you all the best with your "situation".

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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I love that you're going back to read my other posts :)

 

Just trying to get the background that led you to snoop, which was wrong. This marriage, if that's what's planned, isn't starting out based on trust.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Just trying to get the background that led you to snoop, which was wrong. This marriage, if that's what's planned, isn't starting out based on trust.

 

I'm questioning if it's based on reality . . .

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loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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I feel sorry for OP's bf...

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MiaMckenz Member

MiaMckenz

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Keep following my posts and keep questioning then maybe seek counseling to see if my situation are based on reality

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Like I said... messy

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