autrevie Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 I also think balance is important in a long-term relationship. My ex-boyfriend was a VERY nice guy, but too nice. I even told him so and he said "Well, I know that some girls like those cool, tough 'bad' guys but I can't be one". But, I think if the guys are too nice, the girls will begin to take it for granted.
Tony Posted June 11, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted June 11, 2005 "But, I think if the guys are too nice, the girls will begin to take it for granted." A very astute observation and assertion for which you should be commended. It's a very odd part of human nature that we very often take for granted that which is good and predictable. Only sudden loss or withdrawal of the generosity will change things and usually the recipient will harbor resentment for the sudden change rather than be grateful for the past generosity. Our senses are far more stimulated by that which is inconsistent and unpredictable. To moimeme: Yes, of course, not in every case. There are exceptions. I know this.
moimeme Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 To moimeme: Yes, of course, not in every case. There are exceptions. I know this. Guess I'm WAY too predictable, huh?
Tony Posted June 11, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted June 11, 2005 "Guess I'm WAY too predictable, huh?" HA! Maybe I'm just way too psychic!
ConfusedInOC Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by Tony "But, I think if the guys are too nice, the girls will begin to take it for granted." A very astute observation and assertion for which you should be commended. It's a very odd part of human nature that we very often take for granted that which is good and predictable. Only sudden loss or withdrawal of the generosity will change things and usually the recipient will harbor resentment for the sudden change rather than be grateful for the past generosity. Our senses are far more stimulated by that which is inconsistent and unpredictable. I think your assessment is fairly accurate, Tony, but in some cases, a sudden withdraw or loss can and often does cause the person who was taking the giver for granted to question themselves. And, in spite of causing the resentment (which yes it does happen to the receiver), it will build some respect back into the relationship. Something which is easily had is never appreciated. It is the same for goods, currency and yes, even relationships. I let my ex have me too easily. No work involved. Yes, I know a lot of it was my fault but if she really wanted the relationship to work out, she would have worked with me on these issues were instead of taking the next train to Clarksville. She used to say that she wished I was a bit "gentler" and when I became more gentle, she didn't want me. She's insatiable.
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