Phenx Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I(26) met this girl(21) from an online dating site and right off the bat i asked if she wanted to get drinks and she responded saying she is interested in meeting up. After this she kinda wouldn't respond then I'd offer something else she would respond then nothing. I kept pursuing in different ways until I realized I had to give her something more juicy. I had a ridiculous event happen in my life one night and I messaged her a very vague description of the story asking if she wanted to hear it and how she's doing. She responded immediately and texted me saying she wants to hear the story and I caught her attention. Anyway she called me later that night and we talked for a while and she said she is free the next day so we agreed to meet up. Next day she texts me early in the afternoon with random stuff about her boredom at work and stuff and asking how my day is going. We planned to meet up that night at a local restaurant/bar. To be honest I had one of the worst hangovers and I was completely exhausted from working all day and partying the night before till like 5am. I was feeling pretty bad but I decided to say screw it and to meet up with her anyway as early as I could around 9pm. That meant I rushed home barely got a shower ect... and was still a couple minutes late as she texted me, she actually got there 5 mins early. The attraction signs were all there that day for sure with her. The date went well with the predictable awkwardness from both us at the start but that drifted into easy conversations and both of us drinking and having a good time. I walked her to her car and we smoked a couple cigarettes talking still. She had to get up for work at 6 am and it was almost 12 so I realized it was probably time to part ways and started to say bye. After that she said she thinks I'm really cool and since I live so close we should hang out after work and stuff. I'm just like yea I really like you and sure etc. Then we both take a step away and stop and I just go for the kiss which turned into 2 minutes or so of a good makeout with her biting my lip and a little tongue. We turned away and I'm kinda light headed and just say I'll talk to you later and leave. So all in all a good date even though i wasn't as smooth as I normally would be throughout. So I think everything's cool and text her the next day saying I had a great time and she doesn't respond so I call her that night and we talk for like 10 mins about random stuff and I just tell her to let me know when she's free and I'm pretty busy with stuff until the next week. That was friday. After that I get no response and text her on Sunday asking if she is free Friday. No response. I text her again wednesday (last week) telling her I had a great time and I'm looking forward to seeing her again. And tell her to let me know when she's free to grab some drinks or something. No response at all. I have seen her activity on OkCupid still and I am slightly confused but I'm sure she has a lot of attention from other people and I think I just haven't tried enough or something. Obviously we are both dating other people but she's at the top of my list now and I need to find a way to be at the top of hers I guess... I am thinking about texting her again with something more to the point along the lines of "Hey. I know I don't know you that well but I want more of a taste. You ****ing took my breath away. Let me buy you dinner next week." The thing about this girl is she is definitely a 10 in looks. She is kinda young but obviously responds well to more aggressive behavior. I don't believe I have over pursued at this point but IDK, usually if a girl won't respond to me I just stop after saying let me know when you are free etc ect... But this girl is way more attractive than most girls and I feel the longer I wait to make a more bold move the more she will just forget me but I am also concerned if I text her again that she will see me as desperate. But I have not sent her more than 3 texts after the date so I think I need to give it one more shot with a bold text. Anyway the last text I sent her was a week ago on wednesday. I am pretty set on texting her tomorrow but I could really use some help here everyone. At least to get some advice and opinions.
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 She's 21. A kid. And doubtless meeting other guys of a similar age. In the words of the great Judge Judy (! ) She's not 'fully-cooked' yet. She still has a Juvie head on her shoulders... You're a few years off 30. Please - find someone more compatible. That is, older and more responsible. You think a gal like that is in any way interested in committing and being tied down? Yeah, right.... think again. With your head. Ok? 1
Qboro90 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Don't want to burst your bubble but from everything you've described it doesn't look like this girl is going to be Won over by one more "aggressive text" from your part. If she's as attractive as you say then there's little doubt she's going on other dates besides you. Which is normal for a girl her age and nothing you can be upset over after 1 date. Just because she made out with you for 2 minutes, doesn't mean she felt the same way about the date and feelings that you did. It doesn't mean she didn't have a great time or want to kiss you either. But she just might not have you as her first priority, or second, or third at this time. If this girl does respond to more aggressive communication then you shouldn't have kept texting her even just those 3 times telling her how great of a time you had and how you wanna get together next week. She knows you wanna get together. You needed to make her feel like you weren't something she could pick up off the shelf whenever she wanted without a problem. Because let's face it, she could disappear for a month... Then text you saying "what's up, wanna hang out?" And you'd come running. You want to give it one last shot? Make it a booty call text. Fri-Sunday night... Past 11pm... "Netflix and chill?" If she's into that. Then you're getting laid. But so are a bunch of other guys.. So don't think you're gonna wife this chick up regardless of what you do or say.
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 ...Which is basically what I said too. see? There's a theme running, here.....
angel.eyes Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Move on. Let's face it, even before the date, she was barely interested. I(26) met this girl(21) from an online dating site and right off the bat i asked if she wanted to get drinks and she responded saying she is interested in meeting up. After this she kinda wouldn't respond then I'd offer something else she would respond then nothing. I kept pursuing in different ways until I realized I had to give her something more juicy. I had a ridiculous event happen in my life one night and I messaged her a very vague description of the story asking if she wanted to hear it and how she's doing. She responded immediately and texted me saying she wants to hear the story and I caught her attention. Anyway she called me later that night and we talked for a while and she said she is free the next day so we agreed to meet up. At best, she was on the fence about meeting you...hence the repeated non-responses when you kept asking for that first date. You had to play tricks to grab her attention even before you actually met. Since the date, she's made it abundantly clear that she's just not interested. You keep asking for another date, and she ignores you. I know the date was wonderful and the kiss was amazing...to you. But unfortunately she doesn't share your interest or enthusiasm as evidenced by the silence you're consistently getting. Let it go. Edited January 28, 2016 by angel.eyes
lino Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I'd guess she's either using the site and meeting guys off it when her boyfriend shows a dip in attention for her or you're just a number in a sea of guys she probably also made out with that week. Either way, I wouldn't pursue unless you're just after some action. If you're comfortable knowing your end isn't the only one that'll be going in there, fire away
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I(26) met this girl(21) from an online dating site and right off the bat i asked if she wanted to get drinks and she responded saying she is interested in meeting up. After this she kinda wouldn't respond then I'd offer something else she would respond then nothing. I kept pursuing in different ways until I realized I had to give her something more juicy. I had a ridiculous event happen in my life one night and I messaged her a very vague description of the story asking if she wanted to hear it and how she's doing. She responded immediately and texted me saying she wants to hear the story and I caught her attention. Anyway she called me later that night and we talked for a while and she said she is free the next day so we agreed to meet up. Next day she texts me early in the afternoon with random stuff about her boredom at work and stuff and asking how my day is going. We planned to meet up that night at a local restaurant/bar. To be honest I had one of the worst hangovers and I was completely exhausted from working all day and partying the night before till like 5am. I was feeling pretty bad but I decided to say screw it and to meet up with her anyway as early as I could around 9pm. That meant I rushed home barely got a shower ect... and was still a couple minutes late as she texted me, she actually got there 5 mins early. The attraction signs were all there that day for sure with her. The date went well with the predictable awkwardness from both us at the start but that drifted into easy conversations and both of us drinking and having a good time. I walked her to her car and we smoked a couple cigarettes talking still. She had to get up for work at 6 am and it was almost 12 so I realized it was probably time to part ways and started to say bye. After that she said she thinks I'm really cool and since I live so close we should hang out after work and stuff. I'm just like yea I really like you and sure etc. Then we both take a step away and stop and I just go for the kiss which turned into 2 minutes or so of a good makeout with her biting my lip and a little tongue. We turned away and I'm kinda light headed and just say I'll talk to you later and leave. So all in all a good date even though i wasn't as smooth as I normally would be throughout. So I think everything's cool and text her the next day saying I had a great time and she doesn't respond so I call her that night and we talk for like 10 mins about random stuff and I just tell her to let me know when she's free and I'm pretty busy with stuff until the next week. That was friday. After that I get no response and text her on Sunday asking if she is free Friday. No response. I text her again wednesday (last week) telling her I had a great time and I'm looking forward to seeing her again. And tell her to let me know when she's free to grab some drinks or something. No response at all. I have seen her activity on OkCupid still and I am slightly confused but I'm sure she has a lot of attention from other people and I think I just haven't tried enough or something. Obviously we are both dating other people but she's at the top of my list now and I need to find a way to be at the top of hers I guess... I am thinking about texting her again with something more to the point along the lines of "Hey. I know I don't know you that well but I want more of a taste. You ****ing took my breath away. Let me buy you dinner next week." The thing about this girl is she is definitely a 10 in looks. She is kinda young but obviously responds well to more aggressive behavior. I don't believe I have over pursued at this point but IDK, usually if a girl won't respond to me I just stop after saying let me know when you are free etc ect... But this girl is way more attractive than most girls and I feel the longer I wait to make a more bold move the more she will just forget me but I am also concerned if I text her again that she will see me as desperate. But I have not sent her more than 3 texts after the date so I think I need to give it one more shot with a bold text. Anyway the last text I sent her was a week ago on wednesday. I am pretty set on texting her tomorrow but I could really use some help here everyone. At least to get some advice and opinions. then she went cold. -- Get your head out of the freezer and find another girl to take out. Don't waste your time or mental energy on this one. last text I sent her was a week ago -- that's not just cold, it's sub zero. She's just another pretty face and nothing to back it up.
smackie9 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 She had fun, and that's all you were to her a fun time, not BF material. Just because someone sucks face with you doesn't mean they want to keep seeing you. The proof is in the pudding....if she doesn't respond, that's because she has no interest in doing so. Take the hint and move on.
Miss Peach Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I like to kiss on dates because I'm enjoying the date and want to test chemistry. It doesn't mean anything more or less at that time. I think she's sending a pretty clear message if she hasn't responded to multiple texts. One or possibly even two I understand - phone issues, work, etc. But when you get into more than one or two then she's trying to tell you she's not in it for whatever reason and doesn't want to tell you that. A lot of men get very confrontational so that is why many women just stop engaging rather than be straight about it.
Author Phenx Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 Really appreciate the replies yall. I wasn't trying to tie her down in anyway. I have no idea if I'd want to get into a relationship with her. My immediate impression is that she doesn't have much going for her in life like college or job or anything but it's not like I'm worried about that I do well myself. I just want to try and have some fun with her seeing as we both got along pretty good and we are both weird as hell. I think she has a boyfriend because when she was telling a story about a ****ty night where too much alcohol was involved or something she mentioned having to pick up her boyfriend. But with the way she said it and the context I thought she meant ex boyfriend. Also considering before we kissed she was like wow, you live close, we can hang out after work in an excited tone. I think I just screwed up by texting her the next day saying I had a good time (standard follow up date text though...) and she didnt text back so I called her that night on my drive home, I mean she picked up and talked for a while and said sorry she forgot to text me back but IDK if that shows weakness or not? I didn't text her today btw... I think I'll probably just text her next week something simple just like "hey ect.." and not try and force anything just to see if she will at least respond.
iphone_user1 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) Man, it gets easier. After some time on OLD you get used to ghosting, flakes and the slow fade away. It's part of the OLD thing... Don't over analyze that. I've been so many times in your situation, believe me, I've been ghosted many times and girls have pulled on me the slow fade away (yes, you start to go crazy). Even after a f*cking month of 6 amazing dates she started to play the slow fade away, just to find out two weeks later she got a new boyfriend LOL crazy things happen there. Welcome to the OLD world, my friend. Thing is that girls there get TOO MUCH attention, they are not gonna lack of men pursuing them, ever. One day you are priority and next day you are not even number 11. And god save you from the OLD girls between 18 and 23. Edited January 29, 2016 by iphone_user1 1
Reitteg813 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Move on. I've had this happen. Luckily it was one date so I didn't care much. But we had sooo much in common, she goes to the gym I go to and works there. We both compete and live the lifestyle. Went out to dinner the day after one of her competitions and we had dinner. Sat and talked and ate for 3-3.5 hours, it felt like 1 hour. Had her laughing and smiling so much throughout the date, made an excuse to grab her hand and I'd stroke her palms a bit and she just smiled and face turned red, shared a nice dessert at the end, alot of playful teasing back and forth, before getting her car we made out for a good 15 seconds. Next day texts me saying she had a great time and would like to hang out again, next weekend comes around and she makes up an excuse, sounded legit, tried again next weekend, another excuse, and I gave up and she never initiated contact gain. To this day it's the best date I've ever been on in terms of how much in common, how well we could relate, just having fun talking and being with each other, great kisser, showing clear signs of interest on a date. nothing come out of it though. best to just let it be and move forward. easier to say than to actually do.
Miss Peach Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I think I just screwed up by texting her the next day saying I had a good time (standard follow up date text though...) and she didnt text back so I called her that night on my drive home, I mean she picked up and talked for a while and said sorry she forgot to text me back but IDK if that shows weakness or not? This weakness stuff is bogus IMO. Women want someone confident. Follow up after a date just shows you want another date. There is a difference to a follow up/date request and blowing up her phone. If you don't act interested and I have options the other men will get your spot. If you act too interested so women will perceive you as clingy and it will be a turn off. It's going to take some trial and error IMO to find the right balance but one message to reach out and get another date isn't clingy. ALso when you set up the date don't just leave it for 'next week' or ask her what she wants to do. Pick something specific and ask her. That is how you come across as confident. Man, it gets easier. After some time on OLD you get used to ghosting, flakes and the slow fade away. It's part of the OLD thing... Don't over analyze that. This has been my experience as well. It seems to have gotten really crazy after OLD got popular but even wit people I meet IRL do this stuff now.
IronZ Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Take it from me, I've met this kind of girl before. And take it from me, I've tried to follow up with this kind of girl in all kinds of ways. From the "what gives??" text to the "hey it's me again" text. None of it works. The reason? She lost interest and she's too chickensh** to actually tell you to your face so she does the cowardly thing and disappears on you. I would like to believe it's just a matter of age (her being 21) but I've had perfectly grown up adults do this too. No matter how well the dates went, even if we kissed/had sex/etc. There will always be women who just lose interest for some reason. Maybe she wasn't into you after kissing and didn't know how to tell you. Maybe a better dude (in her mind) came along and you were yesterday's news. Maybe she just wanted free alcohol/food. All kinds of reasons, and all of them bad for you. Just let this one go. 1
truth_seeker Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Move on. I've had this happen. Luckily it was one date so I didn't care much. But we had sooo much in common, she goes to the gym I go to and works there. We both compete and live the lifestyle. Went out to dinner the day after one of her competitions and we had dinner. Sat and talked and ate for 3-3.5 hours, it felt like 1 hour. Had her laughing and smiling so much throughout the date, made an excuse to grab her hand and I'd stroke her palms a bit and she just smiled and face turned red, shared a nice dessert at the end, alot of playful teasing back and forth, before getting her car we made out for a good 15 seconds. Next day texts me saying she had a great time and would like to hang out again, next weekend comes around and she makes up an excuse, sounded legit, tried again next weekend, another excuse, and I gave up and she never initiated contact gain. To this day it's the best date I've ever been on in terms of how much in common, how well we could relate, just having fun talking and being with each other, great kisser, showing clear signs of interest on a date. nothing come out of it though. best to just let it be and move forward. easier to say than to actually do. Damn. That f-cking sucks. It's almost like you guys hit it off so well it freaked her out.
truth_seeker Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Man, it gets easier. After some time on OLD you get used to ghosting, flakes and the slow fade away. It's part of the OLD thing... Don't over analyze that. I've been so many times in your situation, believe me, I've been ghosted many times and girls have pulled on me the slow fade away (yes, you start to go crazy). Even after a f*cking month of 6 amazing dates she started to play the slow fade away, just to find out two weeks later she got a new boyfriend LOL crazy things happen there. Welcome to the OLD world, my friend. Thing is that girls there get TOO MUCH attention, they are not gonna lack of men pursuing them, ever. One day you are priority and next day you are not even number 11. And god save you from the OLD girls between 18 and 23. It comes down to the times. Nowadays with OLD and the easy access with phones, people can go from one person to another in a flash. I'm finding myself guilty of this. I went out on a date the other night and hit it off well with this woman. She's been contacting ever since with texts. Yet, I'm still looking at other women on Tinder. Another woman wants to meet me. I feel like I'm at a clothing store and have so many options to try on. Once I get to the register though, most of the clothes I try on, and like, I won't buy. I wish I grew up in the 50s or 60s... back then you had to go to the local hangout spot and you would find your love, marry, have kids, be together 50. 60 years. Today, it's like one big cesspool orgy.
xcupid Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 "Hey. I know I don't know you that well but I want more of a taste. You ****ing took my breath away. Let me buy you dinner next week." Total turnoff man. Sounds sleazy and she's probably heard it all before if she's a 10. That's not romancing a woman.
IronZ Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 It comes down to the times. Nowadays with OLD and the easy access with phones, people can go from one person to another in a flash. I'm finding myself guilty of this. I went out on a date the other night and hit it off well with this woman. She's been contacting ever since with texts. Yet, I'm still looking at other women on Tinder. Another woman wants to meet me. I feel like I'm at a clothing store and have so many options to try on. Once I get to the register though, most of the clothes I try on, and like, I won't buy. I wish I grew up in the 50s or 60s... back then you had to go to the local hangout spot and you would find your love, marry, have kids, be together 50. 60 years. Today, it's like one big cesspool orgy. I believe the same thing. Today there is too much choice and too many romcoms have given women (and even men) this idea of a perfect counterpart. I really think that if a woman were to meet a man at an old fashioned setting and she was attracted to him and he was charming and cool or whatever, she would probably go for it. But if this woman met the same man today online, she would find the smallest reason to write him off completely, and all because she has so many options. And I think some of them start to feel trapped when they realize the potential relationship is going well. We've grown up in a society full of people who don't know what they want or always see the grass as greener. Even if a date goes very well beyond expectation they think "oh crap, is this it? But this other guy is still messaging me and he's better looking/makes more money/better profession/cooler/etc." So they just give up on a good thing in the worst way possible. Growing up in the 40s-60s was a time when people would get together and not waste each other's time and actually give love a chance.
Author Phenx Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 (Anybody seen the OP lately...? ) Yea I've been busy with another girl I'm dating sleeping together every weekend although things are not normal with her and I can't figure it out. She is very quiet and shy almost all the time. I found out the other night that she takes medication for depression . I think this explains her sexual and emotional polarity. She goes from kissing me passionately and stuff and sleeping in my bed naked then I go for more and she just simply says no and doesn't want anything. I've been a really great guy to her and her parents think I'm like the perfect guy so that's cool but she is just not "all there" I feel like. I can't even get her to talk to me about it. She went to the other bed in my room last night after I tried making out with her and getting intimate. And I asked her what's up and she just said to go to bed. Eventually I just told her to come to bed and she did. Then she gets all close to me and spoons but I feel like she is completely not there most the time sexually/emotionally. Btw the original girl I was talking about hasn't gotten back to me and I never sent her another text. I have realized I can't take a 21 year old seriously. I am thinking I might just hit her up sometime soon and see if she is into shooting guns and take her to a shooting range or something casual like that just for fun. At least the 21 year old seems to know what she wants sexually and knows how to have fun. I think this other girl is just too depressed and may have some history of abuse that she hasn't mentioned because that's what it seems like. And I don't want another girl that has all their walls up because of stuff like that, it's too much of a hassle to get close to them. To be fair I do have fun with her but most the time she is just "off". Also I don't think she has that much experience and apparently didn't go to her first show until 18 and stuff like that so she isn't used to many adult things, I think her parents kinda sheltered her as well.
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