ilovemusic3 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I'm 26, and average looking, and guys never send me a message or reply when I send them one. Is this what it's like for other girls like me? 1
RySant Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Online Dating is all about checking out looks. If you are not the best out there, no one will reply to you. On my part, I am gay man, and I have a lot of people sending me a message. But all of them are not my type so I ignore them. If you are looking for a relationship, online dating won't be the best channel for you.
TheArtist Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Online dating can work just as well as offline dating, but it's how you use it. Even those with 'average' looks can do well and it's more on the quality of the photograph and if you're smiling or not. Get some good photos in decent lighting (facing a window on an overcast day is perfect for flattering photography), and smile your ass off! And avoid cliches! Everyone is looking for a 'partner in crime' and 'their last first kiss', it's not original anymore! Try searching on POF as a man looking for a woman and you'll see what your competition have on there. They're much worse than you'd expect. Just be better than those profiles! 1
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I'm 26, and average looking, and guys never send me a message or reply when I send them one. Is this what it's like for other girls like me? The usual reason for lack of messages or responses is that your photos and/or profile SUCK. If you have good photos and a good, interesting, attractive profile, then you will get messages and replies. If you have bad photos or a boring/unattractive profile then you will get crickets. 6
Toodaloo Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I have been doing OLD for a while now and have started to have better dates. This is what you need to concentrate on QUALITY not QUANTITY! Every now and then I take breaks. I just shut it all down. I update my pictures and in the space for captions put the month and year they were taken. I get people I know will be harsh to review my profile and I add or take away bits to freshen it up. I have also found that it goes in cycles. You will get a bus load of great sounding matches and then it wanes and you get nothing for a while, then loads, then nothing. I have posted my stats on here somewhere. I am reasonably good looking and have a half decent write up. If you are getting nothing at all then you need to get your profile reviewed by someone who will tell you the truth and not just be kind. So many friends and family say oh you look lovely or that sounds great when in actual fact its a load of old *******'s. Pegnose has helped me with mine in the past - I am sure if you ask he would be happy to do it again and I am more than happy to as well. Caution though we will both say it as we see it and we do not pack our punches. Both of us have had success with OLD so we must be getting something right? 1
Zippy2000 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I'm 26, and average looking, and guys never send me a message or reply when I send them one. Is this what it's like for other girls like me? To answer your question. No, its not like that for other girls and here is the answer why. I ve been foing OLD for up to 10 years on and off. I m average looking and hardly get replies. When OLD was in its infancy. I asked the question. What happens if I was better looking? Guess what? I got a picture of a model. Posted it up and it was amazing! This psuedo profile I had set up got on average 10 message a day! For me? Average looking bloke just got 1 a week!! OLD is shallow. Its all based on looks. Keep on looking. There is bound to be one who likes you but you have to have a tough skin and face a lot of rejection to get to him or her. Good luck out there. 1
SwordofFlame Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 If you're not getting messages, it means you're not physically attractive enough. Sure YOU may think you're average looking, but if average men don't, they're not going to send you a message. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 If you're not getting messages, it means you're not physically attractive enough. Sure YOU may think you're average looking, but if average men don't, they're not going to send you a message. What a load of rubbish. Good photos of an average or below average looking person will do far better than bad photos of an attractive one. 2
lilmissjava Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 A lot of people aren't photogenic but are better looking in person. That's the thing with OLD, you have to take the photos at face value, click next and so on. Photos are static and obviously don't capture the "real" you. They are only imprints on memory and in most cases serves an injustice to how beautiful one is in person as opposed to photos. My thoughts 1
Robratory Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I'm 26, and average looking, and guys never send me a message or reply when I send them one. Is this what it's like for other girls like me? I don't know what it is, but it's not your photos. Men will respond to virtually any sign of interest. Perhaps you are contacting men who have not been on the site for a long time, so they're not getting your messages.
Robratory Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 The usual reason for lack of messages or responses is that your photos and/or profile SUCK. If you have good photos and a good, interesting, attractive profile, then you will get messages and replies. If you have bad photos or a boring/unattractive profile then you will get crickets. But she's a woman, and she's contacting men. If a woman contacts me on a dating site, a poor profile isn't going to keep from replying.
SwordofFlame Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 What a load of rubbish. Good photos of an average or below average looking person will do far better than bad photos of an attractive one. If indeed she is average looking, but her photos are terrible, then OP should get professional photos taken by a photographer. OP, you might want to consider that.
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 But she's a woman, and she's contacting men. If a woman contacts me on a dating site, a poor profile isn't going to keep from replying. Yes it is, unless they're desperate, and/or just looking for ONS. When I used OLD, I ignored plenty of messages from women because I didn't like their profile or thought we weren't a good match. If indeed she is average looking, but her photos are terrible, then OP should get professional photos taken by a photographer. Nah, unnecessary. Just go to the local park, ask the first passer-by to take your photo, relax and smile. Job done. It isn't rocket science. I've asked plenty of people to take my photo, never once been embarrassed, and no-one ever laughed at me or said no. People like to help other people. 2
Jejangles Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I'm average in looks and weight, and I get a lot of messages from OLD. But I very rarely get a response to messages I send (not that I send many). I'm quite photogenic and I know my angles. Definitely put your best photos up, without being completely misleading. It's marketing! McDonald's and Burger King don't put photos of how their burgers actually look in their ads, they put juicy and delectable looking imagery out there. I put smiley happy photos up and the most common comments I get are on my "great smile" and "optimistic attitude". I also always have one or two full body shots. I also keep my profile brief and fairly light hearted. It's best to give a few "openers", you don't want the guy to be unsure what to say in a message to you. So I mention interests and a few anecdotes, and the best messages I receive respond to those. So just keep trying and changing it up. If what you have up there isn't working for you, change your photos and profile. Just keep amending it until you start getting the results you want! 1
TheArtist Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 It's marketing! McDonald's and Burger King don't put photos of how their burgers actually look in their ads, they put juicy and delectable looking imagery out there. I put smiley happy photos up and the most common comments I get are on my "great smile" and "optimistic attitude". I also always have one or two full body shots. I also keep my profile brief and fairly light hearted. It's best to give a few "openers", you don't want the guy to be unsure what to say in a message to you. So I mention interests and a few anecdotes, and the best messages I receive respond to those. So just keep trying and changing it up. If what you have up there isn't working for you, change your photos and profile. Just keep amending it until you start getting the results you want! All this is very much yes. Not sure about the beef reference, but I get you! It is all marketing. You can't just have a profile and expect people to flock to it, just the same way that you can't open a shop and expect to do well if you don't tell anyone what you're selling. Anyone can make a profile but it's the way you come across that makes the difference. 1
AverageJoe1986 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Don't let your photos appear to take off more than one dress size. It will end as well as it would for a man who lists his height three inches above reality.
Jejangles Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Don't let your photos appear to take off more than one dress size. It will end as well as it would for a man who lists his height three inches above reality. True. I read somewhere a man's biggest fear for online dating is that a woman will be fatter than they thought she was. A woman's biggest fear is that she will be murdered. 3
AverageJoe1986 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) True. I read somewhere a man's biggest fear for online dating is that a woman will be fatter than they thought she was. A woman's biggest fear is that she will be murdered. Of all the women I've seen on POF that i either know or have spotted out and about (roughly 9 or 10) all of them are at least a stone bigger than what you would get from their profile. I do think that women should be cautious but it's a bit worrying that that would top the list. Edited January 28, 2016 by AverageJoe1986
normal person Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I don't know what it is, but it's not your photos. Men will respond to virtually any sign of interest. Perhaps you are contacting men who have not been on the site for a long time, so they're not getting your messages. But she's a woman, and she's contacting men. If a woman contacts me on a dating site, a poor profile isn't going to keep from replying. Wrong. I don't respond to uninspired messages. I've got dozens sitting there that are all some variation of "hey." If you read a whole interesting, engaging profile and that's the best thing you can come up with, no one worth their salt will want to go out with you. It shows a lack of creativity and judgment. The same goes for the profile. If doesn't display any personality or character, they'd better be sure they display some in the first message. Otherwise the assumption will be made that they're exactly as boring as they portray themselves to be.
kendahke Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I'm 26, and average looking, and guys never send me a message or reply when I send them one. Is this what it's like for other girls like me? I'm 56 and the only messages I got were from romance scammers. I've since put it down. I'd rather be alone than deal with that mess again.
strawberryshortstack Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Online Dating is all about checking out looks. If you are not the best out there, no one will reply to you. On my part, I am gay man, and I have a lot of people sending me a message. But all of them are not my type so I ignore them. If you are looking for a relationship, online dating won't be the best channel for you. That's the thing though - looks are subjective. In my opinion, I am an attractive woman, but not gorgeous. I'm not exactly lacking in the message department, however. Unfortunately, most are not my type, so I don't end up going out on many actual dates (when I'm actually looking, that is, which I'm not currently since I've met someone), but really, all you need is the RIGHT one, and the right one WILL find you attractive.
Miss Peach Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 What a load of rubbish. Good photos of an average or below average looking person will do far better than bad photos of an attractive one. Agreed. If possible I would get a man (or men) to pick out your best photos. When I first did OLD I put up some I thought looked good but some of my male friends thought made me look bad. The ones they picked out for me were ones I would have never picked for myself but I trusted their opinions so I went with them.
kendahke Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Agreed. If possible I would get a man (or men) to pick out your best photos. When I first did OLD I put up some I thought looked good but some of my male friends thought made me look bad. The ones they picked out for me were ones I would have never picked for myself but I trusted their opinions so I went with them. Did they change the amount of interest you got?
thecrucible Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I'm average looking. Most of the guys who message me either live in Africa or India and for some reason want to contact me or they want me to go for a hook up. I get the odd well thought out message but most don't transpire into dates. I've messaged guys twice before and I can't remember if they replied or not. I wouldn't be bothered if they didn't as I have genuinely only ever seen 1 or 2 guys that I would want to message anyway. I would definitely do what Miss Peach did and ask a male friend to review my photos. (cheers for the tip from this thread)
losangelena Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I'm no model, but when I was doing OLD, I got plenty of messages, enough to be choosy. By the same token, I would send out many initial messages and not get replies back. Very few people will be deemed attractive to everyone. 1
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