butterball Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 So Im new here. Yesterday, the BEST relationship I have ever been in ended and it came as a complete shock to me. We had only been together a few months but things were really great. He was always taking me to different places on dates and doing nice things for me. Coming over and surprising me with smoothies or taking me up to the snow. He would bring me around his family and I really got along with them. My family liked him too. My father especially liked him which was HUGE to me because every guy I have been with in the past he didn't really care for. The fact that him and my dad got along so well was a major thing for me and I was so happy. I really started to think that this might be something real, FINALLY. And EVERYONE I know heard about him. I was so proud to tell people at work about him and how great he is and how happy I was. I was starting to realize in my head that I was falling for him. I thought that within the next month or two he was going to tell me he loves me. Sometimes he would swing by my place before or after work to see me. So the night before last he called and asked if he could come by for a quick kiss before heading home and I thought that was really sweet. Everything seemed completely fine. The next day (yesterday) he says he wants to talk to me. I knew right away. He came over and said he realized he needed to be single to "figure out who he is". He was in a relationship for 5 years between his teens and early 20's and it only ended a year ago. He said he doesn't want to get into something serious yet. The breakup literally took 20 seconds. I said "ok, well bye" and went back inside. Stone cold, like it meant nothing to me. I guess I'm still in shock. This was such a surprise to me. Just 4 days ago we were out at dinner and he told me he already knew what he was getting me for Valentines day. I felt like our relationship was really great and healthy. We weren't together all the time and we didn't text all the time. It was a perfect mix of great times together and healthy boundaries. I was so secure in our relationship. I wish there was more closure, I wish we had talked about it. But for me it was just like, "ok, this person is telling me they don't want to be together so thats that" Would it be a completely bad idea to call him and ask if we could talk because I still don't understand how things changed that fast?
LostOnes05 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 No, you did the right thing. You have to remain in No Contact. He broke up with you and so he needs to be the one reaching out. It always amazes me that people still use that line of needing to find themselves or figuring out who they are. The main point is that they want to be single. Imagine growing within a healthy relationship...but that would be too weird right??! <sarcasm>. Do not contact him, you'll only end up regretting it especially if he is adamant about his decision. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 Sorry to hear this, OP. What an awful shock. I wouldn't call him. I have a feeling someone else is in the picture, to be honest. An ex, another woman who's caught his interest, who knows. His seemingly rapid about-face is odd. Even if that's not the case, I don't think you're going to get the closure you're seeking from him. He'll probably just repeat what he's already told you. 3
Itspointless Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 It always amazes me that people still use that line of needing to find themselves or figuring out who they are. And they almost never make that effort 2
kidm Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 If you can resist, refrain from contacting him. I know you are in pain right now but whatever his reason is, the one thing you know for a fact is that he has decided he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Frankly, the dumpee is never satisfied with the reason/explanation given and always has a rebuttal. I would hang back, seek your friends and family out for support and try to move forward. Easier said than done but try to make an effort. Usually when someone dumps another out of the blue like that, there is more than likely someone else in the picture. Maybe his ex has reappeared. Who knows. Maintain your dignity and let him live with the repercussions of his decision- total silence from you. By breaking up with you, he has implicitly made the decision that he doesn't want you in his life and never wants to hear from you again. 1
Satu Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Above all else, maintain your dignity and self-respect. He wanted to go, so let him be gone. 2
foam12 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I can relate as my breakup was very similar with my ex pretty much being a long term relationships her entire adult life until these few months after breaking up with me. My ex tells me she loves me one night and everything seems to be going as well as could be, then dumps me the next day saying she needs to be single and focus on her kids. There were a lot of external things going on outside of our relationship in her family life which I think contributed a lot to it, but very similar where I thought it was almost too good to be true. My mistake was not going no contact right away which just delayed the healing. Last week a friend called to ask me why I did all of these things I hadn't, so I called my ex to ask why she was slandering me with false rumors. She said she hadn't and I brushed it off but then sent me a string of crazy texts last night. Apparently now she hates me and never wants to talk to me again even though we haven't spoken in two months other than once last week for about 10 minutes, but I think it is just justification in her mind to be single or in another relationship. People are weird and maybe their previous relationships screw them up mentally so they may be better off being single a while to get their mind straight. I know that I am not in any mindset to get into a relationship and do not want to put someone through what I've been through. Stay strong!
lana-banana Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 No one leaves a truly happy, mutually fulfilling relationship to "find themselves" or "learn how to be single again". There's someone else. It doesn't matter whether it's his ex or a cute redhead at a coffeeshop; there's someone else. No conversation necessary. The next day (yesterday) he says he wants to talk to me. I knew right away...He said he doesn't want to get into something serious yet. The breakup literally took 20 seconds. I said "ok, well bye" and went back inside. Stone cold, like it meant nothing to me...I wish there was more closure, I wish we had talked about it. But for me it was just like, "ok, this person is telling me they don't want to be together so thats that" This is exactly everything you should do and think when someone wants to break up. By accepting this so fast you're already beyond 99% of heartsick humans! So go out, buy yourself a nice bottle of scotch, and take heart: if you're already this wise and self-assured in life you have a very bright future ahead.
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