lanimi Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I was dating with this guy for 5 months. It was pretty rocky from the start because of his ex trying to get back with him year after their break up and I am pretty jealous person so I could't just let go of the fact how much deeply in love they were. I saw pictures and I love you posts on Facebook. We argued about a lot of things when we didn't agree on something instead of talking it out. All we wanted to do was to talk things out but somehow it turned to an argument and it became bigger and bigger for such petty reason... Those arguments in the early stage of the relationship didn't help him grow feelings for me despite the fact I was growing mine. And he lost feelings for me and started to act distant and we talked about it like three times which also turned into arguments and made each other more distant. Althought he was noticing that his feelings weren't the same, he kept saying he wants to get them back. So we tried but tow days ago he completely broke up with me. He was trying by taking me out for dinner, still text me every day and stuff but just small things changed and he seemed cold in texts and stopped calling me and I ended up focusing on bad things instead of his effort. Now I regret so much because he was trying so hard and if I could be there affectionate and patient for him and show how I feel about him instead of always worrying and questioning his feelings for me, thing might have gotten better. I really regret now and I want him to give us another chance because now situation for me is changing, I was unemployed and searching a job but I got one yesterday and I'm gonna be able to take him to places and plan trips with him and stuff too. And also I will be busier so I won't be as needy as I was. I really think things can change if we try again but he tells me he can't anymore. He can't be in a relationship where he's putting his half instead of everything. But I regret so much that I looked over small efforts he's made along the way and I feel so sorry and I feel horrible for hurting him. I want him back so bad but he keeps saying he can't...I don't know what to do....We made a plan for me to go his place to get my stuff back. It's gonna hurt so much if he won't change mind at all. I feel like I have ruined and I made him so unhappy and I hate myself. 1
Stereotypical11 Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Take this from experience give him space if he cares for you as much as it seems he will realise the grass isn't greener and will come back. If it's real they always come back my ex went off and had a baby after I treated him so poorly and he still came back months and years later trying. Focus on you better yourself and if he's the one he will come back and if not you've become a better person we learn we grow and by that point you'll be ready for the person who matches who you've become. I hope this helps. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 30, 2016 Posted January 30, 2016 Honestly, if it was only five months and there was already so much drama, it probably boils down to the fact that you two are just not compatible. There shouldn't be so much arguing so early on. It does sound like you need to work on your insecurities but I doubt that was the only problem here. I would advise you against going to his house to get your stuff. Ask a friend to pick it up or have him drop it off for you somewhere. He was clear that he's done and I think seeing him and hearing him repeat that to you is only going to hurt you all over again. Some relationships are just not meant to last, but to teach us something that we can use in improving ourselves and better preparing for future relationships. 1
Author lanimi Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 I did go get my stuff to his place that weekend. He was very cold at first, when I tried to talk about us, he seemed very irritated and doing something else as he was listening to me. But after I apologized and told him how I felt, he started to focus on the talk more. He told me he didn't think I was appreciating him for not giving up and trying to get those feelings back. And he didn't know what he could to make me happy anymore. For me, I was hurt that his feelings weren't the same, so I didn't wanna give all to him at the time because I was scared of getting rejected and show my affection and not get what I used to get, which pretty much is like getting rubbed in my face that he's not feeling the same way...I had my own reasoning for not being appreciating and affectionate as much as when time was good, I felt like I had to protect myself. But he said all he wanted was just look at him and say babe thank you for trying or I know you're trying. It would've been that easy. But instead I acted completely the opposite way, I wasn't expressive on how I was feeling on him trying, or even I wasn't happy about the fact that it wasn't the same anymore... Anyway, when we were finishing the talk, I told him I recognize my problems and I need to work on myself and that after some time, when I understand everything abut this relationship and learn the lesson from it, I want to try again with him. And he said, "We will see. Usually I don't go back to the relationship that ended for this kind of reason, but I will have to think. Just don't get too hopeful and focus on working on yourself." After that I left and started no contact. But a few days later, I broke it and told him I missed him...stupid I know. And he replied soon after and told me basically "You need to give it some time, remember? You need to focus on getting better. And don't hold out for the possibility that I might come back, all it'll do is frustrate you." and I explained pretty much the same thing I did in the last conversation and he said "Then work on yourself. Just do it without me, it's that easy." and "Maybe we'll see in time." and "But like I said don't get too hopeful. I'm not sure about us anymore. Don't expect me to just come running back, prepare for the worst, hope for the best." I kinda know that he's just telling to me forget about him...and there will be close to zero chance. But usually he's brutally honest, so I don't think he would be so vague if he knew he wouldn't get back at all. I'm confused, half of me is saying I should move on and just work on myself for someone who comes along next in the future but at the same time I still can't get all hope off of my mind. At least I stopped bothering him. I haven't talked to him for 3 days and it's hard. but I will do my best not to talk to him for a month to 2,3. I hope it'll turn out well...right now I miss him but I know it'll get better. I've ben through too many heartbreaks to know that. 1
DarkHorizon Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I want him back so bad but he keeps saying he can't. Then respect his decision. Accept the loss, grieve the loss, learn the lesson, and hopefully you won't make the same mistake in your next relationship. I am going through the same process, but after a four year relationship. Learning to respect the ex partner's decision to leave is the first lesson to be learned. 1
Brando Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Learning to respect the ex partner's decision to leave is the first lesson to be learned. The first, and toughest, lesson to be learned, but it must be learned. Let them walk. 1
Author lanimi Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Yea I know what you guys are saying. The past few years, I see I have been having the same pattern of relationships. When I started to talk to him before dating, it hasn't been long since the last very short term relationship, and I used to tell him I'm not ready to date and stuff, but he was always to listen to me and was there even when I cried for a stupid short relationship I had with a previous guy. He told me he would be friends with me first but still pursed me at the same time and we were hanging out so often that I started to feel something fro him and just forget about the guy before so I'm regretting we rushed it. We could've been friends now and just starting a relationship so that I could have some time after the breakup. But I can't go back now so no worth thinking about this. But anyways, I'm starting to get a little more control over my action so I think I can do no contact pretty well. I just deleted Facebook app from my phone too so I won't go on and check him or get any kind of notification that reminds me of him. (we are still friends on there) I'll stop thinking about the future, it's my bad habit. For now I got a new job, so once I get paid I'll go sign up for a gym and just got a book about building self esteem so I'll start working on myself inside and out. However it will turn out to be, it won't be the end of the world. I've learnt the hard way. But this website really helps knowing there are people who are also going through the hard time and trying to get better. Thank you guys for insights!! I appreciate it! 1
Brando Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Yea I know what you guys are saying. The past few years, I see I have been having the same pattern of relationships. When I started to talk to him before dating, it hasn't been long since the last very short term relationship, and I used to tell him I'm not ready to date and stuff, but he was always to listen to me and was there even when I cried for a stupid short relationship I had with a previous guy. He told me he would be friends with me first but still pursed me at the same time and we were hanging out so often that I started to feel something fro him and just forget about the guy before so I'm regretting we rushed it. We could've been friends now and just starting a relationship so that I could have some time after the breakup. But I can't go back now so no worth thinking about this. But anyways, I'm starting to get a little more control over my action so I think I can do no contact pretty well. I just deleted Facebook app from my phone too so I won't go on and check him or get any kind of notification that reminds me of him. (we are still friends on there) I'll stop thinking about the future, it's my bad habit. For now I got a new job, so once I get paid I'll go sign up for a gym and just got a book about building self esteem so I'll start working on myself inside and out. However it will turn out to be, it won't be the end of the world. I've learnt the hard way. But this website really helps knowing there are people who are also going through the hard time and trying to get better. Thank you guys for insights!! I appreciate it! You sound like you need to take more time between relationships. I've jumped from relationship to relationship before. Not a good idea. You're just filling voids at that point. Learn to be alone and be very selective with who you give your heart to. New job, gym, working on yourself.....looks like you know what you're doing! Good on you!
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