ohkaygo Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I've been dating my current bf for over 5 years and things are starting to get very predictable, boring & monotonous. We usually hang out with our own friends separately & we have our own interests that is separating us. I'm content but not really happy. I feel like the emotional support is lacking & I get this side fulfilled with friends to fill the void. Recently a relative's friend said I had an admirer (whom I met briefly four years ago). I am very flattered yet curious just to see if there's compatibility, or reassurance that my current bf is worth staying with. Should I go see him and just hang out to understand this uncertainty and tell him not to tell my relative?
Author ohkaygo Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 Hmm...what do you mean by that? Please elaborate
CarrieT Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 How would your BF felt if you went out and tested waters with an "admirer" just because things are "boring?" Why not just break up with him since you are already in the process of separating from the relationship? 3
Author ohkaygo Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 I understand I'm being selfish for staying this long... But I see myself being selfish for leading this guy on to hang out with me even though I don't even know him. I usually don't date anyone until I've been friends with them for a long time but am enticed. Being very selfish to stay with bf cause he's financial stable now & more selfish to say has a better paying job...which is kind of what is keeping things steady. I guess I've answered my own question...stay or break up and be alone? 1
Robratory Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 I understand I'm being selfish for staying this long... But I see myself being selfish for leading this guy on to hang out with me even though I don't even know him. I usually don't date anyone until I've been friends with them for a long time but am enticed. Being very selfish to stay with bf cause he's financial stable now & more selfish to say has a better paying job...which is kind of what is keeping things steady. I guess I've answered my own question...stay or break up and be alone? Oh, I dunno... you have five years built up with your current boyfriend. You must have a shared history by now. Why not try to freshen the relationship up? Things don't have to get predictable, boring & monotonous, but you have to seriously work on keeping the relationship going. No matter who it is, if you just settle in, things get predictable, boring & monotonous. 1
CarrieT Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) OP, are you that desperate to stay with this guy just because he is "financially stable" and to keep from being alone?!?! Please understand how shallow that sounds. Edited January 28, 2016 by CarrieT 3
Author ohkaygo Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 Yup it does sound shallow... It's more of an incentive to stay with him but yes, I would be fine by myself. I invested a lot of time making things more interesting but since he started his job, things have been on hold. I work during the week and a day on the weekend, & I usually see friends on the weekend. I only see him a few hours a couple times a week. When I'm usually free on the weekend he wants to watch football and relax. He would rather be lazy and at home, than try to plan something...it really demotivates me. When we hang out we're both just on our phones. The social/emotional part isn't there anymore..it's mainly just the physical part remaining now..
CarrieT Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 it's mainly just the physical part remaining now.. Stop having sex with him and you will see that you are in a very hollow relationship. It sounds like the bulk of your socializing is with friends and not him anyway. Cut the cord and learn to date properly, without fishing for another who is an admirer under the umbrella of being in another relationship.
Author ohkaygo Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 Thank you for the advice! I have a friend who has a bf but hangs out with this other guy & they are plutonic but it looks like they're always flirting. I want to ask her if her bf knows about this guy...but it seems like he does know & it works out for her cause they know where they stand. It intrigues me about the feasibility of this... Even discussions with friends they always wonder & ponder what it would be like to be with someone else...which is normal I suppose...but it's hard to be certain you're with the right person.
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