rana12 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 So I've been dating this guy for a year, things are great right now when we are together, although we've had a few bumpy patches with communication, largely because we are from two very different countries and he was dealing with a pretty serious injury and on crutches the first 6 months of dating. He also has a very time consuming job that often requires him to travel from Sunday afternoon to Friday night late. I didn't quite realize the extent of the travel the first 6 months or so of dating because of above injury (he was essentially on disability). Now he's back to normal injury-wise and I'm dying to get to know this great guy better and finally do some of our favorite activities together! But unfortunately it feels like pretty much all his time is taken up by work minus a half hour to talk to me every night and a day together on the weekend. Since I have had some weekend plans, visits home, and visitors, that has added up to maybe 4 or 5 days together in the last 2 months. Not to mention that he is understandably pretty exhausted by the time I get to see him. Some people would be fine with this arrangement I'm sure, but I just suck at long distance of any sort. I want a hug and cuddle at the end of the day. I hate talking on the phone. He knows how I feel, and we've talked about it a couple times. His current far away project keeps getting extended (now till end Feb), and has talked to his boss about getting projects closer to where we live, so it's not like he's doing nothing. At the same time, this situation has now stretched out to 6 months, and there's no guarantee it won't just happen with some other project immediately afterward. He seems reluctant to apply for another job because he doesn't speak the local language fluently and his position is pretty good, work-life balance aside. I guess my question is how to handle this, whether it's fair to basically tell him I'm not in this for the long haul if this continues, or to break it off, or to wait and see what happens. It sounds really cold because I love him, but this current arrangement just isn't working for me. Help??
SwordofFlame Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 It's perfectly reasonable for someone's work schedule to be a dealbreaker. I refuse to date anyone that regularly works nights and weekends.
Ami1uwant Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 In terms of a relationship progressing..work schedules can be a factor. It isn't just where one is constantly travel g but also when one works and oposite scheduke. One person I had a couple of dates with had an opposite work schedule where she worked as a nurse and regularly fid weekend graveyard 12 hr shifts while I worked a standard 9-5. I felt what's the point.
introverted1 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Is he doing some sort of IT consulting/software implementation gig? How long is he planning to stay in this job? Do you see him as a potential long-term partner?
Author rana12 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Posted January 27, 2016 Yes, exactly, but a management consultant. Originally he said he would stay till March and then find something more local, but he applied to one job and then seemed to back off this idea. It is his career so I'm hesitant to interfere too much, but I've definitely picked up recently that he seems to be leaning towards staying with the company after all. I do see him as a potential long term partner, but what ami1uwant said is completely true- I just don't feel like our relationship has progressed to the normal 1 year mark because of first the stress of his injury and now the constant distance. I just feel like I don't have enough of a sense of what normal life would be like with him to really say this is the guy :/
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