Poochy87 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Ive been in a relationship for just over two years and me and my partner live together. The first 18 months of our relationship was great but since we've moved in together he's just completely stopped making an effort. He plays football on the weekend and stays in the football club to have a few pints until 10/11 clock leaving me in the house alone almost every weekend. Ive told him how I feel many times and he trys to make an effort for about a week then it just goes back to the way it was. Yesterday was my birthday and I woke up to absolutely nothing , not even a card. He ordered me a card off moonpig but because he left it until the day before it didn't arrive until the afternoon post. He went football training in the night and came home around 9pm with a birthday cake. It was a nice gesture which I appreciated but I still think it was poor considering how rocky we've been lately , I really thought he'd make more of an effort. We're going out for a meal tonight (which I insisted upon) I got myself a new dress and got my hair done but due to his lack of effort I really cant be bothered going. I don't know what to do. Please tell me if you think I sound like a brat , I really don't expect diamonds and pearls but a box of chocolates and a card to wake up to would have been nice!! Does anyone have any advice please?
Davidjo Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 Ive been in a relationship for just over two years and me and my partner live together. The first 18 months of our relationship was great but since we've moved in together he's just completely stopped making an effort. He plays football on the weekend and stays in the football club to have a few pints until 10/11 clock leaving me in the house alone almost every weekend. Ive told him how I feel many times and he trys to make an effort for about a week then it just goes back to the way it was. Yesterday was my birthday and I woke up to absolutely nothing , not even a card. He ordered me a card off moonpig but because he left it until the day before it didn't arrive until the afternoon post. He went football training in the night and came home around 9pm with a birthday cake. It was a nice gesture which I appreciated but I still think it was poor considering how rocky we've been lately , I really thought he'd make more of an effort. We're going out for a meal tonight (which I insisted upon) I got myself a new dress and got my hair done but due to his lack of effort I really cant be bothered going. I don't know what to do. Please tell me if you think I sound like a brat , I really don't expect diamonds and pearls but a box of chocolates and a card to wake up to would have been nice!! Does anyone have any advice please? First off I'm giving you a man perspective on this. Your boyfriend is a man who simply just isn't valuing you PERIOD! Now it's understandable if his funds are tight, but his effort, thought and time with you should compensate for that. You are not acting like a brat at all& it's important that you set the boundary for what is acceptable here. First off you need to find a way to really let him know that he has FKUCED UP. Whatever you do don't let him see weakness in you or this situation will get a million times worse. You need to show him that you've had enough, that you are strong and will leave him if he doesn't prove that he's worthy of you. Us men in general can take the piss in relationships and if he really cares for you he will make the effort to fix up, change and fight for you when he realises that you've had enough. And if he doesn't the sad TRUTH is that he doesn't care about you enough and the relationship is done or you will end up being a door mat. Good luck just be strong, firm and even if you don't mean it let him know and feel that you will move on to a man who appreciates you if he doesn't. That may be hard to do, but I'm telling you that, that is your best chance of saving this relationship and working out if it's even worth anything. I've had many friends in that same position who either fixed up because they cared about the girl or just left because they were either cheating or just didn't care. Don't waste your life or time with a person who doesn't value you!! 4
Davidjo Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 This song came into my head when I read your post
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 He doesn't need to change a thing. He keeps you off his back for a short while, then reverts to type, because it works for him. You keep drawing a line in the sand, he keeps stepping over it, you keep putting up with it. So he knows precisely what to do to maintain his status quo. Pacify you for a week. Hell, his bread is buttered sunny side up! What has he got to lose? Nothing! Life is cushy! It's a breeze! When you make all that effort, he doesn't have to! Oh, life sure is sweet for the guy! Pay attention to what Davidjo told you. And put your money where your mouth is. Actions speak louder than words. He's shown you his, and honey, they ain't gonna change for no-one nor nuthin'!! You gotta make the changes babe, because this is on you! 3
Miss Peach Posted January 27, 2016 Posted January 27, 2016 I don't think you're being a brat. I agree he is taking advantage of the situation. I was in a similar relationship once. I told him that his behavior doesn't work for me. He asked me if I was breaking up. In my case I did throw a few things he said he didn't realize but in your case I think it's pretty clear to him. He said he wanted to do those things so I gave it another 3 months. He didn't do them so I broke up with him. He tried to tell me he needed more time to do those things (one was just telling me some things so no reason to need more time). I told him no and it was over. He was just trying to keep the status qua which didn't work for me. My XH would act like your BF. Eventually is behavior was so bad I had no other choice but to divorce. Since I was a doormat for years he was shocked he couldn't placate me like he always had. Your BF will probably be shocked but you need to assert your self respect and his actions from that will give you the information you need to know.
Leigh 87 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 My bf was broke for my bday. He spent his last 20 dollars on champagne, flowers and chocolates for my bday. He even apologised for not being able to afford to take me out or get me a charm for my Pandora bracelet like he had planed on doing. Spending time hanging with his mates every weekend and not doing a thing for your bday, especially if he could afford it, shows total lack of consideration or effort. He doesn't sound that crazy about you.
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